tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23274010199887053282024-03-14T00:11:52.014-04:00Answering the CallThis blog tells our family's story as we answer God's call for our lives. It includes stories about our process in seeking to do God's will, provides a history of how we got to this point, and allows you to walk with us as we seek to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.comBlogger135125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-39076229313167216022020-12-14T20:24:00.001-05:002020-12-14T20:24:38.121-05:00The Expectation-Breaker<p> An oppressive government, civil unrest, harsh rules and expectations, religious divisions, and silence from God.</p><p>Sound familiar? This was the setting in Israel at the time of Christ's birth. Surprised? How fitting that we go into this Advent season with similar circumstances. However, we aren't faced with the silence of 400 years from hearing God's Words because we have His Word in written script rather than having to rely on the prophets.</p><p>As I reflect on the meaning of God's birth and reflect on my current circumstances, I am struck anew by many different thoughts related to Christ's remarkable birth. For one, Christ was foretold to be the King from David's line (2 Samuel 7:12-13) and Savior of Israel (Isaiah 52-53) and that his glory and splendor would be seen (Isaiah 35:2). It's only natural to assume then that this Savior King would be born in a palace with great fanfare and celebration, right? Well, that's not what God had in mind. Instead of a royal entrance, Jesus made his entrance into this world in a dirty cave in Bethlehem (town predicted in Micah 5:2) to a mother who was a virgin (fulfilling Isaiah 7:14) and a father who wasn't even his father by blood but who would eventually marry Jesus' mother and giving Jesus the heritage of being from the line of David. Jesus' parents, who were from Nazareth in Galilee, "just happened" to have to make a trip to Bethlehem, Joseph's town of origin for a census decreed by Caesar Augustus. The cattle shelter held no glory or splendor fit for a King. A manger (feeding trough) was Jesus' bed. Born in the night unbeknownst to the world, God in flesh dwelt among His people (John 1). Instead of letting all of the important Jewish rulers know of such an important birth, God chose to first alert shepherds, who in their day, were the low-lifes, the outcasts, the filthy people with whom townspeople, not to mention people of important standing, didn't want to associate. After receiving the grandest birth announcement ever, these shepherds were tasked to find the baby, which then led to the first Gospel movement carried out by these local outcasts (Luke 2 8-20). </p><p>This was only the beginning of the rules and expectations that Jesus would set out to break. He didn't have a life of fanfare and money like a king would, and he grew up in an insignificant town of Nazareth in Galilee, a poorer region of Israel. As Jesus began His ministry, He sought out fishermen, also considered lowlifes of the day, to be His disciples (Matthew 4:18-22). He then proceeded to minister to the sick, demon possessed, poor, and handicapped -- all outcasts of the day. He didn't just speak to these people, but he touched them, loved them, hugged them, and made them feel cared for deeply. Jesus was a living example of what it means to love one's neighbor. He didn't care about what others thought; no one was too insignificant to be noticed; and he was intentional, acting with purpose. Flash forward to today, I am grieved by what I see around me during this time of a pandemic where some Christians are hiding in their homes fearing a virus that has a 99.7% recovery rate for people 47 and younger or who claim they are staying in their homes to "love their neighbor." Leprosy was a very contagious disease of Jesus' day. People who had it were quarantined in certain areas outside of towns to keep them separate from people to help prevent the spread of the disease. Did Jesus stay away from them to love His neighbor? No, he moved toward them, he touched them, touch - something they hadn't felt in probably a very long time! No person was too worthless or hopeless for Jesus. He didn't come to this world to care for the healthy but the sick (Luke 5:31)! </p><p>Each one of us is sick. We are all dying of a wicked, evil soul. We are all lost living in the Kingdom of Self (Paul Tripp uses this phrase, and I like it!). This baby King came to tear down our Kingdoms of Self. The Jews expected Jesus to become their physical King overturning the oppressive Roman government. However, Jesus came to be the King in our hearts, overthrowing the King of Self and replacing it with His loving, grace and mercy-filled reign. We all need this Baby King to save us from death! For those of us who have found Christ, we have been saved, but while we remain on this Earth in our mortal bodies, we have a battle waging within us of our new and righteous spirit and our old and sinful flesh. Sadly, often, our old flesh gets the better of us. Our enemy Satan, prowls around looking to devour us, his former possession (I Peter 5:8). He attacks us and tempts us and aids our flesh in winning the battle. I see such strong evidences of him at work today dividing churches and dividing families over how to handle this virus. He's winning by leaps and bounds! So, should we throw our hands up in defeat because we've already lost? No, we are more than conquerors through Christ (Romans 8:35-39). He can give us the victory if we look to Him for strength and help. How did Peter walk across the raging waters of the Sea of Galilee? Was it by looking at his hopeless circumstances? No, the moment he did, he began to sink! He walked by keeping his eyes on Jesus and reaching for His hand to help him (Matthew 14:22-36). We need to stop looking at the circumstances around us -- the dangers of the virus, the numbers of cases or deaths, the bleak predictions, etc. and start looking to Christ seeking to glorify Him even in this dark time. If we take Jesus' example through His life on this Earth, we shouldn't be staying locked inside. We should be out seeking to minister to the many people hurting during this time. People have lost income and jobs and loved ones and freedoms and health and school and hope...the list could go on. What people need right now is the Hope of the World, whose advent we celebrate during this season. How will they hear unless people tell them (Romans 10:14-15)? We as believers are called to be Gospel-bearers (Matthew 28:19-20), and it's quite difficult for us to follow our calling if we hide indoors. I'm not saying every believer needs to be out and about, for there are some who are at high risk, such as those of old age or many health concerns, who may need to stay home, but they shouldn't remain home fearing that the virus should find them. They should be the praying saints flooding God's throne of grace with prayers for those out and about as they share the Gospel with those around them.</p><p>What many believers have quickly lost sight of in these days is that God is sovereign. No matter how careful we are to abide by the "scientific" guidelines or even if we choose to shelter in place, if God's will is for us to contract or even die from COVID, there is no where we can hide and no bubble strong enough to protect us. We've lost sight of the fact that God is God and that we cannot thwart His plans. We need to be wise in our actions but continue the work God has called us to do trusting Him for the outcome. Who can add a single hour to his life (Luke 12:22-31)? Our life is not guaranteed us. We do not know when our hour of death will be. God calls us to live life to our fullest doing everything to the glory of God (I Corinthians 10:31). That means that we need to stop living like we are already dead (like so many are currently doing) and get back to living the life we have. Are you afraid to spend Christmas with family for fear that germs may find you? If you knew this would be your last Christmas together as a family, would that change your mind? If you knew your grandmother would die of a heart attack next month, would you give her a hug now? What if you already have failing health, and death is more of a reality to you? Do you want to spend your few remaining days isolated from family, never seeing your grandkids, or having a family member give you a hug? Life is fragile, and it can be over in an instant. We need to live with this perspective and seize the day, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil (Ephesians 5:15-16). Live faithfully so that when God calls you home, you will hear him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant" (Matthew 25: 21, 23).</p><p>Back to this humble Baby in a manger. What kind of a man will He become? For one, he will become a rule breaker when it comes to tearing down the superfluous, extraneous Jewish laws created by the Scribes and Pharisees. Jesus made it really clear where He stood as far as their hypocritical beliefs, words, and actions (see the 7 Woes in Matthew 23). He followed God's laws! He is a proclaimer of truth even when it means He loses popularity or risks His life. He calls people out when they are wrong (and yet does it without sinning -- something I can't emulate very well yet!). He will become a man who knows when to speak and act (Matthew 21:12-13, for example) and when to remain silent (Trial of Jesus: Matthew 27:1-31; Mark 15:1-20; Luke 23:1-25; John 18:28-19:16). </p><p>What will He do? He will bring God's kingdom to Earth by building it in the hearts of the people God calls to Himself in preparation for building a new heaven and earth where God's Kingdom reigns forever and ever. He, as the second Adam, will lay down His life on the cross to be crucified (the most humiliating and cursed way to die) so that he can close the gap between God and man that was created by the first Adam when he brought sin into the world. He crushed the head of the serpent (Genesis 3:15), Satan, the holder of death. What does this mean? The Kingdom of Self has been demolished. I am not my own! I have been bought with a price, therefore, I am not a slave of men (I Corinthians 7:23), nor I am a slave to sin (Romans 6:15-23)! The curse of sin has been reversed! I have been set free and have the promise of eternal life! I no longer have the fear of death (Hebrews 2:14-15). We as believers can all share Paul's perspective on death, which was ever before him during his ministry: "I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or death. For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:20-21).</p><p>His birth brought the Kingdom of God to this earth, His death made it possible for God's Kingdom to dwell in the hearts of His people, and His resurrection gave way to His eternal Kingdom coming in fullness with his Second Coming. In the already-not-yet period, God gave the gift of His Holy Spirit to speak truth into our hearts and guide our footsteps. We need to seek and listen to His voice! God also gave the gift of the Church, His body in which Christ is the head. We are made up of many members, each with his own gifts and function within the larger body. If we function independently of each other, we fail, because we were meant to be one. In our day today, churches are torn apart by differing political views and views on the virus. Satan has very successfully got us off track by making us take our eyes of Christ and forget our purpose as a church within our body and outside of our body. We are called into the world to be witnesses of the greatness of God serving others being the hands and feet of God Himself. It's pretty hard to accomplish that locked inside, though. We are called to edify one another and build each other up; sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to speak the truth of God's Word into each other's heart; bear each other's burdens (kind of hard to do that over Zoom); spur one another on toward love and good deeds; and most importantly not forsake the assembling of ourselves together or partaking of the Lord's Supper until Christ's return (Hebrews 10:23-26). If we are going to be effective witnesses in this world, we need to present a united front. So, there are different perspectives and viewpoints - that's ok! We are a diverse body, and that helps to keep us searching the Scriptures and the conviction of the Holy Spirit. We can agree to disagree and love those who think differently. How many of the apostles and missionaries of old disagreed on certain points (read Acts for a few examples)? We can agree on the essentials of the faith and let everything else be of less importance. We do need to be a functioning church, though, active in the work to which we are called. I know some great men and women of the faith, who have needed to use more caution during this time, who have taken the time at home to be prayer warriors, praying faithfully and intently and sending notes to encourage others. There are tasks for all members of Christ's body, and no matter what side you fall on, you need to be loving your brothers and sisters in the faith continuing to build them up and point them to Christ, finding creative ways to love them. Stop jumping to conclusions and judging one another's actions and motives. It's so easy to think that someone seemingly not following recommendations is a rebel and someone adhering to the recommendations is a fearful coward. That's simply not the case! It's not our place to judge! It's our place to LOVE! After all, that's why we celebrate this Advent season - LOVE came down and dwelt among us (John 1:14, 3:16)!</p><p>This Advent season, Satan is working overtime to discourage, depress, quiet/distort the Gospel, and divide churches and families. Don't give him fuel! Christ crushed his head once! Stand with Christ and be victorious over the attacks of the devil. Let peace rule in your hearts and reign on this Earth this Christmas. The World has never needed God's love and peace more! Praise God that Christ was an expectation-breaker! Praise God that because Jesus came as a baby, Immanuel--"God with us"--(Matthew 1:23) has come to us. Praise God that because Jesus was born, our Kingdoms of Self could be destroyed! Go and live in the freedom Christ's life and death and resurrection accomplished for you, and share the Good News to all who will listen! There is much to celebrate this Advent season!</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt70wuDmDuvQ_Vrgu2w4Z7ikT4Cf0sm0-xp3Rm8Jw59N01W4fipv4dWPqUu-kF9EL2jbp9W3bluSeKXa871I4oL6nVxo7sKOpgt-MYWbf2mLg0I_Tz9NYS6zBWZU28T6irZTcP2aKZ4eE/s2048/DSC_9365.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1360" data-original-width="2048" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt70wuDmDuvQ_Vrgu2w4Z7ikT4Cf0sm0-xp3Rm8Jw59N01W4fipv4dWPqUu-kF9EL2jbp9W3bluSeKXa871I4oL6nVxo7sKOpgt-MYWbf2mLg0I_Tz9NYS6zBWZU28T6irZTcP2aKZ4eE/w400-h265/DSC_9365.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-154497614795492182020-05-11T11:05:00.003-04:002020-05-11T11:05:45.169-04:00The Battle for ContentmentThese last few, very long months have ushered in sorrow, hardship, darkness, and anguish of soul for our family. Having a child with special needs is never easy, but having to care for a child with special needs when the world turns upside down, health services cease, and community supports are ripped away from you makes life feel impossible. <br />
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A child with Autism thrives on structure and routine and knowing what to expect. When things become outside of one's control, anxiety ravishes the mind and body. Enter mid-March: school suddenly gets closed disrupting the weekly, daily schedule of school, mental health supports and therapies at school, and keeping the mind engaged. In home therapies must turn to virtual Zoom meetings. Our oldest's world was turned upside down thus turning our lives upside down. His only hope was that he would be going to Allegany Boys Camp, a therapeutic wilderness residential program on April 1. This young man valiantly tried to hold it together with the hope of having a schedule and not hearing about the chaos of the world once he got to camp. Enter April: Two days before admission to camp, we got the anguishing phone call that the Maryland Health Department has shut down the camp and all boys are to remain home until it's deemed safe enough for them to return. In that one moment, the one thread of hope keeping our son from coming unglued was ripped away from him resulting in the worst melt-down ever and the worst night of my life where I was truly unable to help my son in his anguish. I will never forget the helpless feeling of that dark night when my son locked himself in his room threatening to kill himself and kill us if we came in. His soul was being tormented, and he needed skilled mental help. I called the crisis line and was told the most horrific thing: most ERs are not taking mental health patients right now due to the virus, and if we called around and found one, only the patient would be allowed in (by himself without a parent - impossible for a child with Autism!) and that psychiatric hospitals were not taking in new patients. My only consolation according to the therapist was that if my son killed himself, I wouldn't be held liable. That was supposed to ease my fears???? I felt my heart die that night.<br />
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During all of this time, Tim and I still had to work. I was becoming more busy since births don't stop, and some moms were switching from hospital births to home births. On top of it, I have been filling in for another midwifery practice while that midwife was on maternity leave since the end of April (I had agreed counting on the fact that Josh would be at camp). The juggle of work, trying to keep Josh calm, and the guilt of neglecting David began to overwhelm me. It didn't help that we couldn't just access the help of community supports as we've been able to do in the past, although we did enjoy times of reprieve going to Tim's parents' house in order to save our sanity. As weeks turned into a month plus with no hope of the camp reopening, it began to become harder to pray. I felt like a broken record with my prayers never getting past the ceiling. I was losing hope of deliverance. The prayers of friends and family carried us through and were a lifeline to us. My prayers for the camp to open faded into, "Lord Jesus, please return today or call us home to be with you!" Hope of deliverance from this current suffering faded, and I found myself just trying to survive each day trusting that God's grace had to be sufficient for each day. <br />
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Meditating through a Precepts study on Hope helped to sustain me and remind me that no suffering in this present world can take away the hope (certain expectation) I have of God's salvation. I have to remind myself almost daily that<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." - II Corinthians 4:16-18</blockquote>
These troubles do NOT feel light or momentary, and it is so easy to lose heart. The daily violent meltdowns wear me down and rob me of joy and hope. To see my son in anguish and my other son silently hurting in the chaos brings sorrow and anguish to my soul. I get discouraged for feeling discouraged and losing hope. Then I am reminded that I am not alone in those feelings. After all, the Sons of Korah wrote:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42:5 and repeated in Psalm 42:5 and 43:5</blockquote>
The NASB uses the phrase "why are you in turmoil within me" instead of "disturbed within me." I think both translations appropriately describe the state of my soul. Especially as bad went to worse resulting in our having to hospitalize our son once again (thankfully psychiatric hospitals are taking new patients out of necessity) just last week, I found comfort in knowing I'm not the only one to feel so low and distressed and that even in the midst of such feelings, I can still hope in God and praise Him.<br />
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In these low times, I can remember:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you." - Psalm 33:18-22</blockquote>
As I search my heart through all of this, I have found a huge obstacle in my sanctification process. A dear sister and fellow sufferer in Christ sent me an encouraging email and reminded me of an important lesson that Paul had to learn that is essential for each of us to learn and that is to be content! That reminder spoke directly to my heart! Paul says in Philippians 4:11, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." He goes on to say in Philippians 4:12b-13, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." It is so hard to be content when daily life is such a battle. My life is easy to what Paul endured, so if remembering that he can do all things through Christ who gives him strength, then so can I! My new prayer is now, "Please help me to be content in the circumstances of today." With daily news of this virus nonsense and resulting (and unnecessary and damaging shut-down, in my opinion), it is so hard to be content! Yet, somehow, I have to keep on going and remembering that God is in control and working ALL things for my good and His glory (Romans 8:28). I may not like how He's doing it, but I must find a way to be content in His sovereign will for my life and that of my family's. I have to remember Paul's words from II Corinthians 4:17 (passage shared above) that my "light and momentary troubles are achieving for [me] an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." That battle for contentment is real, but I must keep fighting!<br />
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Until I reach my eternal glory, I must<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." - Romans 12:12</blockquote>
I resolve so to do!<br />
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-18452791253640064772020-01-02T16:28:00.000-05:002020-01-02T16:28:27.851-05:002019: A Year of Many ChangesIf we learned anything in 2019, it’s that God is still the God of miracles. We entered 2019 feeling pretty hopeless about our situation with our oldest, and by Spring, things went from bad to worse giving us no hope of ever bringing him home again. Out of desperation, we rallied together a group of prayer warriors, changed up the way we were praying for our oldest, and watched God do the miraculous taking us from the lowest of low—even leaving the doctor and therapists hopeless—to a complete turnaround when our son surprised us and his therapist five days later by stating that he has changed his mind and wants to come home. The transformation was so radical, we were all skeptical that it was going to last, but praise be to God, it continued to the point that our son was finally able to come home for good December 18. He has changed in so many ways not just in his desire to come home, but in his relationship with God, desire to be in church, and desire to serve. Only God could transform him and cause all of these remarkable changes in his life. Bringing our son home was exciting and scary at the same time. We had to make many changes to the way our household functions, but this was the answer to prayer we never thought we’d see. We know that his mental health status could change at any time, but we know that God will continue to meet all of his and our needs according to His good purpose and glory.<br />
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David, now 13 and in 8th grade, faced changes to his school and adjusted to having his closest friend no longer be at his school. He also had to change Taekwondo facilities, but the change allowed him to be under a more skilled instructor with more rigorous instruction, and by this Spring, he will have earned his black belt! He continues to love playing his violin and most recently (and unexpectedly) played his violin in an orchestra for a 9-movement choral piece performed by two schools (including his) and many alumni and other people in the community. David has also passed me in height this year leaving me to be the shortest in our family.<br />
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Josh, now 15 and in 10th grade, has grown over 6” this year! He excels in his tech shop at school. He has matured in many ways this year. He is starting to think about his future and what he wants to do in life. He enjoys helping to lead worship in his Sunday School class and loved singing tenor in our church choir for the Christmas Eve service. It’s wonderful to see him using his talents for God’s glory.<br />
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After battling a back injury as a nurse for two years, I was forced out of my employment at Bayada Pediatrics at the end of January as we made settlement with workman’s comp for my injury, which has left me with permanent restrictions for how much weight I can carry preventing me from working as a nurse. As God closed the door on nursing, God opened the door for me to fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming a midwife. I started the training in February and finished the necessary requirements in November. I just need to submit my final paperwork and take a test to become a Certified Professional Midwife. I will be continuing at the clinic where I trained for more experience while starting my own practice over the next few months. It has been a blessing to finally be doing what I believe I was made to do and use this profession to minister to so many women.<br />
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Tim has experienced changes at work as he continues to take on more ownership and responsibility at The Life Financial Group. He has been learning how to lead his office team effectively to help them better serve their clients. He has had a wonderful year at the office and loves being able to help people wisely manage their money and invest for their future.<br />
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We also changed churches this Spring after praying for direction about being in a church where the spiritual needs of our whole family could be met and our family could enjoy community. We are enjoying building relationships and being challenged in our walks with God.<br />
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As we begin 2020, we know there are a lot of unknowns about the future, but we know we have a miracle-working God who is directing our lives daily. We have confidence that God will guide us each step of the way. We are eager to see what God has in store for us in this coming year and this new decade. To God be the glory!<br />
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Philippians 1:6: “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”<br />
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-18506889602509665362019-03-31T11:28:00.000-04:002019-03-31T20:50:09.184-04:00Living in the Desert<div class="tr_bq">
This weekend, I have been attending a women's retreat where the theme has been "Christ, Our Living Water," and the discussion of the sessions has been centered around desert living in this life and how to allow Christ, our Living Water, to satisfy us and reshape us into His image. Everything shared and discussed and sung has been just what I needed.</div>
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Throughout the retreat, I have been reminded that a desert is a place where more moisture is lost than what is brought in. It's a place where you can be burned to death during the day and frozen to death by night. As an analogy, it's a place where we are out of control and can't help ourselves, but it's a place where God is tangible. Taking the example of God's presence with the people of Israel in the desert wilderness, God was their shade by day in the form of a cloud and their warmth by night in the form of fire. He was their meat from the sky and bread from the ground. He provided their water.<br />
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God was the Living Water for the Israelites shaping them into the people he wanted them to be. They fought against Him. God was not the God they <i>wanted</i> but the God they <i>needed</i>. Every time they grumbled about Him or their circumstances, He rose to the occasion and provided for their needs despite the fact that they didn't ask nicely. In the wilderness, God gave them His covanental law in which His first command and the sign of the covenant was REST because "I am the LORD." He made the Israelites rely on Him on a daily basis by providing Manna that would only sustain them for that day. If they tried to worry about their tomorrow and take extra manna for the next day, it would be filled with maggots by the morning. However, God allowed them to collect for the next day before their day of rest because God desired their rest. God taught His people in the desert that God is enough. What the Israelites lost sight of is that on the other side of their desert and hardship was freedom, and instead, they longed to return to their slavery. I was struck by that thought and how often I try to fight against the desert place God has me in and long to go back to the day when I too was bound in slavery of self and sin. I too forget that on the other side of my desert and hardship is freedom where my heavenly oasis awaits.<br />
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Just as the physical water God provided the Israelites in the desert wasn't enough to stop the Israelites from complaining or help them trust God, so too I need more than physical water to sustain me in my desert and keep me from wanting to go back. Jesus' promise to me from John 7:37-38 is that if I am thirsty, I can come to Him to drink, and if I believe in Him, "streams of living water will flow from within [me]." I want to gush with His living water. Just as Jesus offered the woman at the well living water, He offers me the same. This God-man at the well is the one who fought for Jacob and Israel and me because He loves me.<br />
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Two scientific principles of water is that water always wins, and water always makes a way. Christ, my Living Water, makes a way in my life. God's love is steadfast -- stubborn, unyielding. He becomes the water I need. My sin is stubborn, but not as stubborn as God's love. His water will continue to flow into my life carving me and reshaping me until I am perfectly in His image when I finally see Him face to face. John Piper said in a devotional that God "is the end of our quest for satisfaction." God's Living Water is enough for me in my desert living.<br />
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Reflect on the truths of the Getty song "Living Waters" we used as our theme song, which so perfectly brings these lessons home:<br />
<blockquote>
Are you thirsty<br />
Are you empty<br />
Come and drink these living waters<br />
Tired and broken<br />
Peace unspoken<br />
Rest beside these living waters<br />
Christ is calling<br />
Find refreshing<br />
At the cross of living waters<br />
Lay your life down<br />
All the old gone<br />
Rise up in these living waters </blockquote>
<blockquote>
Chorus:<br />
There’s a river that flows<br />
With mercy and love<br />
Bringing joy to the city of our God<br />
There our hope is secure<br />
Do not fear anymore<br />
Praise the Lord of living waters<br />
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Spirit moving<br />
Mercy washing<br />
Healing in these living waters<br />
Lead your children<br />
To the shore line<br />
Life is in these living waters </blockquote>
<blockquote>
CHORUS<br />
Are you thirsty<br />
Are you empty<br />
Come and drink these living waters<br />
Love, forgiveness<br />
Vast and boundless<br />
Christ, He is our living waters </blockquote>
<blockquote>
CHORUS</blockquote>
— WORDS AND MUSIC BY KRISTYN GETTY AND ED CASH©2016 GETTY MUSIC PUBLISHING (BMI) / ALLETROP MUSIC (BMI) (ADMIN BY MUSICSERVIES.ORG)<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo from Cover of Retreat Booklet from Brick Lane Community Church</td></tr>
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-88211228424992683512019-03-30T21:54:00.000-04:002019-03-31T21:08:08.903-04:00Longing for HeavenAs our family circumstances continue to remain so hopeless from my human perspective and as the world around us seems to be in a frenzy over so many issues, I have found myself longing for heaven. I find myself often sending a prayer to God begging that He come back today. I hate pain, and I hate sorrow. I hate struggle, and I hate hardship. So much of my life seems just that, and I am ready for the hope of salvation and eternal life with my God and Savior. I am ready for the day when God will wipe away every tear and there will be no more pain or sorrow.<br />
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As I studied I Peter in the Fall and II Peter the past three months, I have had much time reading about suffering and the hope of salvation and heaven (I Peter) and how to keep going until the coming day of the Lord (II Peter). It has given me much time for reflection and has helped remind me that my suffering is not for naught. God has me in a dry and weary land to grow me and make me more like Him. He is burning off the dross in the refining fire (I Peter 1:7) until He can see His reflection in my life. I don't have to go through the fire alone because He is always with me. At times, I am aware that I am surviving because He is carrying me through the worst of it. Yet, at times, I find myself longing for the times that God would lead me beside the still waters and cause me to lie down in green pastures. The dessert is a dry and harsh place to be. The storm beats down on all sides. However, God remains sovereign, and my hope of salvation remains. I just need to keep on trusting and striving to know "Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death" (Philippians 2:10).<br />
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Until God does return or call me home, I have to take each day as it comes looking to the hope of my salvation as I enter heaven. Until then, day by day, I find strength to meet my trials here.<br />
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My favorite hymn is "Day by Day." David and I got to play a musical rendition of it in church a few months back. Reflect on the truths of these words below as you listen to the music:<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Day by day, and with each passing moment,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Strength I find to meet my trials here;</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Gives unto each day what He deems best,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Mingling toil with peace and rest.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Every day the Lord Himself is near me,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">With a special mercy for each hour;</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">All my cares He fain would bear and cheer me,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">He whose name is Counsellor and Pow’r.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The protection of His child and treasure</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Is a charge that on Himself He laid;</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">“As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">This the pledge to me He made.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Help me then, in every tribulation,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Offered me within Thy holy Word.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">E’er to take, as from a father’s hand,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Till with Christ the Lord I stand.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Translator: A. L. Skoog; Author: Carolina Sandell (1865)</span></span>Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-35756084593054275752019-01-22T21:55:00.000-05:002019-01-22T21:55:20.099-05:00Closing out Another ChapterIf you have known me over the last eight years, you probably have known that I have been working part time as a pediatric trach/vent nurse working in home health care helping to keep these medically fragile kids out of the hospital. I have loved my job and the many wonderful people I have met through it. My patients over the years remain so dear to my heart. They feel like an extension of my family.<br />
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If you've known me over the last almost two years, you will know that I have been unable to work as a pediatric nurse due to injuring my lower back while lifting a patient. The last two years have been difficult for me as I missed my patients and longed to be able to work again. Even more so than that, I have had to learn to adjust to my new normal in which I experience chronic lower back pain. There has not been a day since the injury two years ago in which I have been pain-free. If you've known me for any length of time, you know that I struggle to sit still or be inactive. The back pain has done a lot to slow me down and has changed my ability to do the things that I used to enjoy doing. Also, the extent of my injury puts me in a risky situation where I could potentially be paralyzed if I further injure the area. That fear alone has kept me from going against doctor's orders over the last two years. Part of those doctor's orders have included weight lifting restrictions. From here on out, I can only safely lift 20 pounds from the floor to my chest level without further injuring my back. What frustrates me the most is that in my therapy, I had been advancing in my ability to lift and was almost at 30 pounds that first year until I was suddenly forced out of physical therapy by the workman's comp insurance. After acquiring a lawyer and getting re-instated into physical therapy, I found out that I had significantly regressed in my ability to lift, and the worsening of the radiating pain down my leg was discovered to be permanent nerve damage that most likely occurred from the sudden stop of physical therapy. I have worked hard in therapy since but was discharged this past December after reaching a plateau and resulting in my permanent restrictions of only lifting 20 pounds. <br />
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That being said, I have had a hard time finding a job where I can work as a nurse because of the weight restrictions. I have yet to find an employer who wants to take a chance on me writing me off as too much of a liability. I don't know what the future holds or what God has in store for me, but I trust Him to carry out His perfect plan. Tomorrow, I will be forced to resign from my job as a nurse with my current employer as part of the demands for settlement. As I sign that paperwork at my hearing, I will be closing out another chapter of my life. I am sad to see it go, but I am excited to see what God has in store for me as I begin a new chapter. Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-45628716486932651602018-12-24T10:37:00.000-05:002018-12-24T10:37:12.517-05:00A Weary World Rejoices <b>Peace, Joy, Love, Good News, Hope</b>—all are typical salutations and greetings that get tossed around as people wish one another Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays—words we so often take for granted yet don’t often take time to think about what they mean.<br />
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As another tough year comes to an end for our family, I have had to think very deeply about these words and seek to understand and see their meaning in our current circumstances. For those who are currently or have recently experienced trials and hardships, these words may fall empty on them as well—perhaps it’s the death of a loved one or loss of a job, maybe it’s a rift in the family, or maybe it’s a serious health issue. Can these words ring true even for these individuals? After much reflection on that question along with what I learned from my women’s Bible study on I Peter I went to this Fall, I would emphatically say <i>yes</i>, those words can ring true if that individual is a believer. Because I am a believer in Jesus Christ, they can ring true for me despite the deep, dark trials that seek to drown me.<br />
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<b>PEACE</b> – If you are in the midst of trials, how can you have peace? We have the promise of Isaiah 26:3: “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Jesus gives us peace not as the world gives, but He gives peace so that we don’t have to have hearts that are troubled or afraid (John 14:27). Philippians 4:5b-7 says: “…the Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” In I Peter 3:11b-12a, Peter reminds us to “seek peace and pursue it. The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears attend to their prayer.” He goes on to tell us in 5:7 to “[cast—throw upon, give up to God] all your anxieties on [God], because he cares for us].” Peter exhorts us throughout his first epistle to be humble in respect to God and all other relationships. Here in chapter 5, he exhorts us to humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God. If we are humbling ourselves to God, we are giving Him complete control in our lives. This has been a work in progress for me over this last year as I come to terms with not having control over the situations in my life and that of my family’s. If I do humble myself and give complete control to God (which He already has whether I want Him to or not), then I can have peace. I have no need to have anxiety or worry. Peace is mine in the midst of my trials just as it was to the believers Peter was writing to who were aliens and strangers in a land where they were hiding from persecution. Jesus came to this earth as a baby so that He can give and leave His peace with us (John 14:27).<br />
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<b>JOY</b> – The Bible commands us to REJOICE in suffering (Romans 5:3-4) and consider the various trials we face “pure joy” (James 1:2-4). Our family is broken and hurting, our relationships are strained, we are filled with sadness and grief. Why can I have joy in that? I Peter tells me why: God has called me out of darkness and into His marvelous light (I Peter 2:5); Christ died for my sins, the just for the unjust, to bring me to God (I Peter 3:18); and Jesus’ blood has removed the stain of my sin so I can stand before Him (I Peter 3:18). So, I don’t need to be “surprised at the fiery ordeal” but can keep on rejoicing (I Peter 4:12-13). After I “have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called [me] to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish” me (5:10). No trial can rob me of the joy that comes through Christ who came to this world as a baby to bring Joy to this world.<br />
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<b>LOVE</b> – We know the betrayal of love on many levels, yet we are told to “keep fervent in [our] love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins (I Peter 4:8). God knew betrayed love. We were created by Him in His image, yet we left our first love. We rejected Him and chose sin. Because of this betrayal, God had to send His only Son to Earth as a baby only to grow up and die for us so that we can be bought back (redeemed) and restored to our first love (justification). This was love in action. Jesus laid down His life so that we could live—love that took Him to the cross. This love continues in the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit in our lives as we are perfected so that one day, we will be glorified when we see God face to face. I Peter is so rich in reminding us of the love that led to our justification, sanctification, and glorification.<br />
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<b>GOOD NEWS</b> – As news we have been receiving about our loved one becomes bleaker and more distressing, we find ourselves doubting that we will ever hear good news. However, we have Good News in our life because of Christ. We are “chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father by the sanctifying work of the Spirit, to obey Jesus Christ and be sprinkled with His blood,” which is why Peter can then say, “May grace and peace be yours to the fullest measure.” (I Peter 1:1-2). Because God chose us, we are “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession so that [we] may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called [us] out of darkness into His marvelous light” (I Peter 2:9), and we come to Christ as a “living stone…choice and precious in the sight of God” (I Peter 2:4). The Good News of great joy that the angels came to share with the shepherds was that a Savior, Christ the Lord and God in flesh has been born. Jesus has come to rescue His people! As John Piper so eloquently reminded us in his devotional “<a href="https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/christmas-solidarity" target="_blank">Christmas Solidarity</a>:”<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Christmas is good news for man and good news for God.<br />"The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners" (I Timothy 1:15). That’s good news for us.<br />"The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil" (I John 3:8). That is also good news for God.”</blockquote>
Jesus came to lead a revolt against Satan. That revolt started at his birth, and that is GREAT NEWS for us! Mary and Joseph were told to call their Son “Jesus,” “for He will save His people from their sins” and “Immanuel,” which means “God with us” (Matthew 1:21, 23). We don’t just have Good News, we have GREAT NEWS, and nothing can take that away from us!<br />
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<b>HOPE</b> – Life’s circumstances may leave you feeling utterly hopeless at times, but no matter how dark our day or deep our valley, we as believers always have hope. This hope is the “joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation” (Thayer’s Greek Lexicon). We are “born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for [us]” (I Peter 1:3b-4). In this we “greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary [we] have been distressed by various trials so that the proof of [our] faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (I Peter 1:6-7). Therefore, we can “fix [our] hope [confident and joyful expectation] completely on the grace to be brought to [us] at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (I Peter 1:13b). Hope that the Jews had in the coming of a Messiah was fulfilled in the birth of the baby Jesus. Our Hope for salvation began at that same baby’s birth, and we look forward to the day it will be fulfilled at His second coming!<br />
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Who knew I Peter could give insight into the blessings of Christmas? I sure didn’t until I spent these last several months digging deep into the book allowing God to use it to remind me of the peace, joy, love, good news, and hope in Him that I have through Christ. As you celebrate Christ’s birth this Christmas, I pray you are reminded of the peace, joy, love, good news, and hope you have in Christ, and if you don’t yet have these, I pray that you find this great Savior for yourself so that you too can know and forever have His peace, joy, love, good news, and hope in your life!<br />
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Merry Christmas! God be praised!<br />
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-58497978612983979282018-11-20T19:56:00.001-05:002018-11-20T19:56:49.794-05:00Celebrating a Birthday I Wasn't Predicted to Have<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today I celebrate another year of life. What's significant about that? I wasn't expected to be celebrating today. In fact, based on the doctor's predictions they shared with my husband almost a year ago, I wasn't supposed to live, yet here I am now entering my 40th year of life.</div>
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Predictions don't determine God's plans, and God had my days numbered before I was formed in my mother's womb. I will not die a day earlier than what was predetermined by Him in His sovereign will.</div>
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So, here I am celebrating the life I still have left to continue to serve God. When I didn't die there in the hospital when they discovered I had severe acute hyponatremia (sudden, low sodium levels) and thought they were too late, and when I woke up after being unresponsive for 24 hours exactly and discovered that I was in an ICU and had been hooked up to a ventilator, I knew there was a reason why I was still here and not in heaven. As the painfully slow days of my recovery turned into a few months with my making a surprising and unpredicted near-complete recovery from the damage done to my heart and brain from the low sodium levels, I realized that God still has work for me to do for His kingdom. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My continued unresponsive state after being removed from the ventilator</td></tr>
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I don't understand all that God is doing in my life or what He expects from me, but I do know that He has called me to live each day for His glory as I love Him and follow His commands. As family trials have continued to be difficult over the last year making the past two years the most difficult ones of our lives, I can't say that there haven't been times that I have wished I had died that day or wondered why I couldn't be free of these trials and be present with the Lord. Those thoughts have come and gone over the course of the year, but one thing I always come back to is that God's not done with me yet. When He is, then I will enter His presence. </div>
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In the meantime, I rejoice that I have breath to praise Him and energy to serve Him. I celebrate the life He has given to me and the course of life that He has ordained. God is good in the good times and the bad times. This year has been a time of growth in my trust in Him and His sovereignty as I learned in new ways to let go of my own plans and desires and let God be God. I love Him more today than I did a year ago. I know Him in a deeper and more intimate way today than at my last birthday. I hunger and thirst after His Word and His righteousness more than I ever have. They are my lifeline!</div>
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So today, I celebrate His work in my heart and life. I reflect on His sovereign plan for my life.</div>
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Because of God's faithfulness, I am here today celebrating a day others predicted I would never see. May He receive all of the glory and honor due Him.</div>
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Psalm 139:13-17:<br />
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!"<br />
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-52963200728657667952018-08-27T22:32:00.000-04:002018-08-28T13:29:10.022-04:00The Growth of Summer<div dir="ltr">
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I love watching things grow during the summer. I especially look forward to the growth and production of my organic vegetable garden every year. Usually, my garden grows out of control, and we are swimming in its harvest and giving plenty of the bounty away because we can't consume, can, or dehydrate it fast enough. This year in particular has been a very slow year of growth with my garden thanks to a pesty groundhog who gave up digging under the fence and instead goes through the fence and climbs up the raised beds to devour my garden. I have trapped him once, but Tim inadvertently let him go when the trap door of the trap opened unexpectedly as he lifted up the trap. Of course, the varmint isn't dumb enough to get trapped twice despite our tempting efforts. It has been the most frustrating summer of growth that way.</div>
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However, there has been good growth in so many other ways this Summer. Our boys are the most visible growth. They have shot up so quickly the past few months growing a few inches each with Josh soaring past me in height. It's been difficult to keep them in clothing! We have grown as a family as Josh makes progress in his residential treatment, and the family relationship has been given time to heal and improve. We have been able to go away for 2 week-long vacations spending really special, quality time with David giving him our long-overdue attention and making special memories together without the drama of a brother with Autism. Tim and I have been able to grow in our marriage relationship having extra time to spend together just the two of us. Lastly, I have experienced growth of a different kind.</div>
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This summer has been a time of spiritual growth for me. My trust in God has been strengthened as I continue to learn anew (almost daily) that I am not in control of anything--especially my children, but that God is, and that's ok. As a result, I've grown in my ability to let go and let God. My love for and marvel of God has grown as I've had a chance to dig deeper into God's Word through a summer women's book/Bible study I was able to participate in bringing a whole new perspective to life and God's sovereignty and gifts. My hunger to learn God's Word has grown as I've been challenged to memorize passages of Scripture and say them to others in the book study who keep me accountable and memorize verses also. I've also grown in my experience of and participation in the edification of the Church body as I weekly spent time with some lovely, Godly women at this study. I didn't realize how hungry and thirsty I was for Christian, female friendship, and being able to satifsy those longings has renewed my spirit.</div>
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As the Summer comes to an end, I am so grateful to God for the growth He has given to our family, and especially for the way he has grown His love and care in my heart and life. I am strengthened and encouraged as I look to the start of another school year with many new and uncertain challenges ahead of our family, because I know the time of growth this summer will help carry me through all that God brings across our path.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Growth this Summer in the sunflower field of Please Wash Me Car Wash in Elverson, PA</td></tr>
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-54612621827081103042018-07-19T15:42:00.000-04:002018-07-19T23:09:32.502-04:00Good Gifts from the Hand of God<p dir="ltr">This summer, I have been going to a women's Bible study on the book of Ecclesiastes where we use the book Living Life Backward by David Gibson to guide us in our study.  It has been such an enriching and encouraging study for me and has made the book of Ecclesiastes come alive in a whole new way for me.  Ecclesiastes is quickly becoming one of my favorite books of the Bible!</p>
<p dir="ltr">I have already learned so much from the study and am hoping to write a blog post on that as well in the future, but for today, I have to put to words what I experienced a few weeks ago where God gave me simple but meaningful gifts that I knew immediately were straight from His loving hands for my enjoyment and happiness.</p>
<p dir="ltr">In the second chapter of Living Life Backward, Gibson states, "By relativizing all that we do in our days under the sun, death can change us from people who want to control life for gain into people who find deep joy in receiving life as a gift.  This is the main message of Ecclesiastes in a nutshell:  <i>life in God's world is gift, not gain</i>" (p. 37).  Later, he points out that the Preacher in Ecclesiastes 2 bursts the bubbles of pleasure and profit, materialism, and laughter with the blunt reality that we all die, but in the end, the Preacher bursts death's bubble by pointing out that if we live knowing the reality of death will come upon us, we can stop striving so hard for the good things for which we long but can learn to enjoy them for what they are.  Gibson says, "Death reorients us to our limitations as creatures and helps us to see God's good gifts right in front of us all the time, each and every day of our lives.  Instead of using these gifts as means to a greater end of securing ultimate gain in the world, we take the time to live inside the gifts themselves and see the hand of God in them" (p. 45).</p>
<p dir="ltr">Ecclesiastes 2:24-26 tells us that God is the one who gives enjoyment and satisfaction and wisdom and knowledge.  After reflecting on the fact that everything in life, the good and the bad, are gifts from God, I prayed asking God to help me find the gifts in life, because lately, with the heavy burdens and difficult trials, I have lost sight of the gifts and just cling to God's grace to sustain me each day and help me keep putting one foot in front of the other on a daily basis forgetting that God's grace itself is a gift.  The very next day, I saw a very visible and tangible answer to that prayer and stood in awe of God's goodness in even the small things.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I had been extremely stressed out trying to help everyone else get ready for a week-long retreat that I was quickly running out of time to get our family ready for the retreat.  We were going to a place where there weren't many food options, not to mention healthy ones.  Our inn did not provide breakfast, so I wanted to make sure I made enough things to bring with us that would suffice as breakfast that wouldn't spoil being kept in a cooler on ice since I knew we wouldn't have a fridge.  It also needed to be food items that didn't need to be heated up or cooked since we wouldn't have access to a stove or microwave (not that we use a microwave anyway). I also wanted to make sure we had food options to cover some of our lunches.  We were coming down to the wire for our departure, and even though I had my recipes chosen, I had yet to start the cooking and baking not to mention packing for the trip.  I have not been able to have gluten the last year due to increasing adverse reactions to it, and we were going to be having a campfire one night during the retreat and making S'mores.  I had really wanted to make myself some gluten-free graham crackers, but I knew there was no way I was going to be able to have time for that.  I also had wanted to make some special gluten-free chocolate chip cookies so that I could enjoy dessert when others had desserts that I couldn't have.  Again, not a chance of that happening.  We are very careful in what we eat and don't use refined sugars, gluten, most grains, and only healthy oils.  That being said, it's not as simple as running to the grocery store for gluten-free labeled products, so I was disappointed but content to be resigned that I won't be able to have special treats.</p>
<p dir="ltr">However, God had other plans for me.  On June 21, two days before our departure, I ran to the local farms where I get our groceries and decided to swing by a discount food store on my way home in case I could find some organic ingredients I needed that I wasn't successful in getting at the farms or couldn't get at the farms.  While there, I decided to peruse the aisles as sometimes, they have organic treasures that fit within our dietary choices.  Lo and behold, God had everything I needed there, and more than I could have ever dreamed.  With each shocking find, I immediately thanked God for the special gift.  It almost became comical with how many special gifts directly from God that I found in the store.  I literally laughed out loud at God's goodness to me that day.  I found the organic milk that came in juice box size that would keep better than the raw organic milk I get from the farm to go with the granola I was planning to make.  Ordinarily, I make our yogurt from the raw milk I get from the farm, and I had run out of yogurt that week and knew I didn't have time to make more to go with the granola and/or fruit I was planning to bring as a breakfast or lunch option.  The discount store happened to have plain organic whole milk yogurt sitting on the shelf waiting for me to claim it.  The top two gifts from God caught me totally by surprise and made me tear up right there in the store.  There on the shelf sat a box of gluten-free graham crackers with acceptable ingredients and not too far down the aisle from that were two boxes of chocolate chip cookies also made with the right ingredients.  I have never seen either of those two products before, and I have looked since to find them again since they were so good, but I have not found them (up until today when I found one box of the chocolate chip cookies).  I know God put them there and led me to them because He cared about me and my silly longings and gave me those precious and delicious gifts for my enjoyment and happiness.  God is so good!</p>
<p dir="ltr">Finding those gifts from God have been a great encouragement to me to keep looking for God's gifts in every day whether they be something as silly as needing healthy and gluten-free chocolate chip cookies or protection from an accident or an answer to prayer.  I find myself always looking and praising God for those gifts as I see them.  I marvel at how easy they are to find when you are looking for them and how we so often go through life blind to them.  I am working on living life in light of death and enjoying the daily gifts God gives to me to enjoy in the moment because I never know if it will be my last.</p>
Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-74360733488196810752018-05-08T14:35:00.001-04:002018-05-08T14:35:26.075-04:00Love That Will Never Let Me GoAs I mentioned in my post "<a href="http://calltobelights.blogspot.com/2018/05/waiting-for-morning.html" target="_blank">Waiting for the Morning</a>," I have been realizing and experiencing the depths of God's love in a deeper and more meaningful way as I walk the current rocky path of trials. Some songs about God's love have been in my head and heart and often on my voice as I go about my duties day to day helping me to carry on in joy and hope and in the comfort of God's very real and rich love. God's Love is ENOUGH! I don't need anything else in this world.<br />
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There are no circumstances -- good or bad-- and no places in this world we can find ourselves in where God's love can't reach us. God's love is an unwavering and all-powerful love that embraces the very essences of our beings, holding us close, and never letting us go. No matter where you find yourself today, reflect and meditate on God's Wondrous, Deep, Deep Love that will never let you go!<br />
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<b>"Oh the Deep, Deep Love" </b></div>
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By Bob Kauflin </div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">VERSE 1</span> </div>
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Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus </div>
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Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free </div>
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Rolling as a mighty ocean </div>
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In its fullness over me </div>
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Underneath me, all around me </div>
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Is the current of Your love </div>
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Leading onward, leading homeward </div>
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To Your glorious rest above </div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">CHORUS </span></div>
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Oh the deep, deep love </div>
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All I need and trust</div>
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Is the deep, deep love of Jesus </div>
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Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus </div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">VERSE 2 </span></div>
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Spread His praise from shore to shore </div>
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How He came to pay our ransom </div>
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Through the saving cross He bore </div>
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How He watches o’er His loved ones</div>
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Those He died to make His own </div>
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How for them He’s interceding </div>
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Pleading now before the throne </div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">VERSE 3</span> </div>
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Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus </div>
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Far surpassing all the rest </div>
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It’s an ocean full of blessing </div>
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In the midst of every test </div>
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Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus </div>
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Mighty Savior, precious Friend </div>
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You will bring us home to glory </div>
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Where Your love will never end </div>
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<b>"O Wondrous Love" </b></div>
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By Steve and Vicki Cook </div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">VERSE 1</span></div>
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O wondrous love that will not let me go </div>
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I cling to You with all my strength and soul </div>
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Yet if my hold should ever fail </div>
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This wondrous love will never let me go </div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">VERSE 2 </span></div>
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O wondrous love that’s come to dwell in me </div>
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Lord who am I that I should come to know </div>
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Your tender voice assuring me </div>
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This wondrous love will never let me go</div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">CHORUS </span></div>
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I’m resting in the everlasting arms </div>
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In the ever faithful heart </div>
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The Shepherd of my life </div>
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You’ll carry me on Your mighty wings of grace </div>
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Keeping me until the day</div>
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I look into Your eyes </div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">VERSE 3</span> </div>
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O wondrous love that sings of Calvary </div>
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The sweetest sound this sinner’s ever known </div>
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The song of Your redeeming Son </div>
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Whose wondrous love will never let me go </div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">VERSE 4</span></div>
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O wondrous love that rushes over me </div>
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I can’t escape this river’s glorious flow</div>
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You overwhelm my days with good </div>
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Your wondrous love will never let me go </div>
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<b>"My Redeemer's Love" </b></div>
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By Joel Sczebel, Jordan Kauflin, Mark Altrogge </div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">VERSE 1</span></div>
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My Redeemer’s love is deeper </div>
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Than the depths of sin and hell </div>
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He who was enthroned in glory </div>
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Came to bring us to Himself</div>
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My Redeemer’s love is wider </div>
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Than the breach my sins had made </div>
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He reached down into my darkness</div>
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He alone has pow’r to save</div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">CHORUS 1</span></div>
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Deeper than the rolling seas </div>
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Higher than the mountain peaks</div>
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Your love is all I need </div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">VERSE 2</span> </div>
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My Redeemer’s love is stronger </div>
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Than my fiercest enemies </div>
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He will hold me in the tempest </div>
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Through the flood He carries me </div>
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My Redeemer’s love will lead me </div>
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Through the deepest valley here </div>
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He will shepherd me and guide me </div>
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He will ever keep me near</div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">CHORUS 2</span> </div>
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Deeper than the rolling seas</div>
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Higher than the mountain peaks </div>
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Your love is all I need </div>
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Stronger than the rushing wind </div>
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Shattering the power of sin </div>
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Your love is all I need</div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">VERSE 3</span> </div>
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My Redeemer’s love grows sweeter </div>
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As eternity draws near</div>
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I’ll enjoy His love forever </div>
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At His throne for endless years </div>
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My Redeemer’s love will fill me </div>
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On the day I see His face</div>
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I will love Him back forever </div>
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And forever sing His praise</div>
Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-3018952306569641982018-05-08T14:34:00.003-04:002018-05-08T14:34:54.134-04:00Learning to be ContentLast month, I had the pleasure and blessing of attending a women's retreat where I was truly ministered to through the sessions digging into God's Word and exposing our obsessions with self and comfort that are preventing us from flourishing. The music was also so spiritually challenging and was so cohesive with the truths being presented and did a great job pointing us to God reminding us of his sovereignty, love, and care.<br />
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As I had mentioned in my blog post "<a href="http://calltobelights.blogspot.com/2018/05/waiting-for-morning.html" target="_blank">Waiting for the Morning</a>," God has been convicting me of my lack of contentment. The depths of my discontentment were exposed at this women's retreat. The speaker at the retreat was author and Crossway editor Lydia Brownback, and each women was given one of her devotional books she has written on various topics. The book I happened to get was on Contentment. I laughed at God's sovereignty in that when I simply chose the packet in which the book was beautifully tucked based on the green cover I saw (my favorite color is green).<br />
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I have been meditating on the devotionals since then and working hard to be content on a daily basis. I have far to go, but I am making progress and experiencing greater daily joy as a result in a shift in my focus--upward not inward or outward.<br />
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When comparing the present to the past and future, Lydia says, "[The present] is better because God is the one who brought us where we are today. And the God who led us here is good, kind, and let's not forget, purposeful. Everything he does in our lives, everywhere he leads us, is designed to fulfill his primary intention for us, which is to know him better. Contentment does not lie around the next corner. It is not waiting for us on the other side of today's difficulty, nor is it lost with yesterday. Contentment is where God is, and God is with us today" (<i>Contentment</i> by Lydia Brownback, p. 24).<br />
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Earlier in the book, Lydia says, "Contentment in the valleys comes when we stop fighting so hard to climb out. God is the one who leads us into the valleys, and he will lead us back out in his time. God ordains valleys for our good; why else would a good and kind God allow them? Trusting God in our hard times is the way to contentment--not just trusting him to get us out, but trusting his goodness while we are still in them" (<i>Contentment</i> by Lydia Brownback, p. 16).<br />
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The truths of these words were enough to knock the wind out of me and make me really reflect on how I was living my day to day life. I have continued to trust God in the hard times. I learned from an early age of trials to not let difficulties rob me of my trust in God. However, what I have been failing to do is look at the hard times through the lens that God would have me view them. I am not content in the hard times. I am often distracted with praying for them to end quickly and waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel that I don't realize what God is doing in me in the moment. After all, James 1:2-4, 12 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything...Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." The process within the trials has purpose, and I am missing that truth too often because I am too busy fighting the process!<br />
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Hebrews 13:5b says to "be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Going back to the phrases I find myself saying often these days: "God is ENOUGH!" or "God's God this!" I conclude as this verse promises -- God is with me, and He will never let me go. As I shared one of my favorite songs in my post "<a href="http://calltobelights.blogspot.com/2018/05/waiting-for-morning.html" target="_blank">Waiting for the Morning</a>," God will hold me fast. I CAN be content in being kept in His wondrous care just as Paul says in Philippians 4:12-13, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."<br />
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Many of you are aware of the current situation with our oldest especially if you have read my post "<a href="http://calltobelights.blogspot.com/2017/08/learning-to-let-it-all-go.html" target="_blank">Learning to Let it All Go</a>." Things with him continue to get more difficult, and he is becoming more hardened toward God and his faith in Him. We are very concerned about his spiritual state. Our prayers are often pleas with God to hold onto his heart and not let him go.<br />
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I read Jen Wilkin's book <i>None Like Him</i> last Fall. It's a book that digs deeply into the incommunicable attributes of God and how we often vainly try to take on those attributes ourselves. That book totally changed the depth of how I view God and his majesty and awesomeness and convicted me in so many ways. I turn back to that book frequently to be reminded of who God is and who I am. Not too long ago, as we were really struggling with our concerns about Josh's spiritual state and current rebellion against God, this statement by Jen jumped out at me: "We cannot create hope where there is hopelessness...We cannot create repentance where there is unrepentance, but we can cry out to the God who can." I can be content that I am resting in the one and only Self-existent, Creator-God who is fully capable in continuing His miraculous work of redemption and sanctification not only in my life but in my son's life as well.<br />
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Tim and I spend some time each night having devotions together as a couple. As part of our devotions, we use the Tabletalk devotional booklet. I love what Dr. James Harvey III said in his devotional for May 5-6 called "Rediscovering Contentment," and I have made his statement my resolve: "I am going to lead the life the Lord has assigned to me, the life to which God has called me. I am going to find satisfaction and joy in Christ, whether in a season of trial or blessing" (p. 37).<br />
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<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-4395576841505797992018-05-08T14:34:00.000-04:002018-05-09T11:40:58.836-04:00Waiting for the Morning Sometimes, I feel as if I am suffocating as I drown in our trials and sorrows that seem to come in continuous waves over my head. Other times, I feel that I am just about to the top ready to pop my head above the water and gasp for a breath of air. I haven't experienced the comforts on being on the other side in quite a while, but I'm learning that it's okay because God's got me where He wants me, and He will hold me fast!<br />
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As the wearying months go by one by one, I find comfort in phrases and songs that the Holy Spirit brings to my mind always at just the right times to keep me going. Scripture continues to be a solace daily where passages I read end up being just what I needed to read to carry me through yet another day.<br />
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<li>For the last year and a half, one of my favorite songs has been "He Will Hold Me Fast" sung by the Gettys <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(ORIGINAL WORDS VV 1-2 BY ADA HABERSHONNEW WORDS AND MUSIC BY MATT MERKER©2013 GETTY MUSIC PUBLISHING (BMI) / MATT MERKER MUSIC (BMI) (ADMIN BY MUSICSERVICES.ORG)</span>. It has been a comfort at many points throughout the darkest of times. David and I recorded it a little while ago to encourage my grandmother who was struggling with health issues. As you listen to the words, you will understand why it can bring anyone who is a child of God comfort.</li>
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<li>I have been realizing God's love in a new and real way lately, and some powerful songs have really helped turn my eyes upward to my great God whose deep, deep love never ends and that will never let me go. More on that in my blog post "<a href="http://calltobelights.blogspot.com/2018/05/love-that-will-never-let-me-go.html" target="_blank">Love That Will Never Let Me Go</a>."</li>
<li>I long for the morning, for light at the end of the tunnel, for newness. These verses of the morning bring comfort to my heart and hope for each day:</li>
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<ul><ul>
<li>Psalm 30:5b (ESV) - "Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning."</li>
<li>Lamentations 3:22-23 (NIV) - "Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."</li>
<li>Psalm 130: 5,6 (ESV) - "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning."</li>
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<li>Yet as I long for the morning, God has really convicted me lately about my contentment or I should say lack of it! I am prone to long and wait for the morning, but I need to make being content in all circumstances--including the difficult and dark ones that don't ever seem to end--my daily practice. I'm starting to get it, but it's definitely a work in progress. More about that in my blog post "<a href="http://calltobelights.blogspot.com/2018/05/learning-to-be-content.html" target="_blank">Learning to be Content</a>."</li>
<li>"God's Got This" or "God is Enough" - I can't tell you how many times a day, I say these phrases in my head reminding me of the reality of my circumstances. I honestly don't know how I could continue on if I didn't have God or if He didn't have total control of my daily circumstances.</li>
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As I wait for the morning, I will find comfort that I am being held fast by my great God who is so full of love and has perfect control of my circumstances. In the good and the bad, I will chose to praise God and say, "Blessed Be Your Name!"<br />
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<div class="G1VCxe kno-fb-ctx" jsname="CsSQ" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small; margin-top: 12px;">
<div jsname="U8S5sf" style="line-height: 1.24; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span jsname="YS01Ge">"Blessed Be Your Name</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">In the land that is plentiful </span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Where Your streams of abundance flow</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed be Your name</span></div>
<div jsname="U8S5sf" style="line-height: 1.24; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed Be Your name</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">When I'm found in the desert place</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Though I walk through the wilderness</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed Be Your name</span></div>
<div jsname="U8S5sf" style="line-height: 1.24; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Every blessing You pour out, I'll </span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Turn back to praise</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">When the darkness closes in, Lord</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Still I will say</span></div>
<div jsname="U8S5sf" style="line-height: 1.24; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed be the name of the Lord</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed be Your name</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed be the name of the Lord</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed be Your glorious name</span></div>
<div jsname="U8S5sf" style="line-height: 1.24; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed be Your name</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">When the sun's shining down on me</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">When the world's 'all as it should be'</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed be Your name</span></div>
<div jsname="U8S5sf" style="line-height: 1.24; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed be Your name</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">On the road marked with suffering </span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Though there's pain in the offering </span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed be Your name</span></div>
</div>
<div class="G1VCxe kno-fb-ctx" jsname="c4lrhc" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
<div class="iw7h9e" data-mh="-1" jsname="U8S5sf" style="line-height: 1.24; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Every blessing You pour out I'll </span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Turn back to praise</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">When the darkness closes in, Lord</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Still I will say</span></div>
<div class="xpdxpnd" data-mh="64" data-mhc="1" jsname="U8S5sf" style="line-height: 1.24; margin-bottom: 12px; max-height: 64px; overflow: hidden; transition: max-height 0.3s;">
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed be the name of the Lord</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed be Your name</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed be the name of the Lord</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed be Your glorious name...</span></div>
<div class="xpdxpnd" data-mh="64" data-mhc="1" jsname="U8S5sf" style="line-height: 1.24; margin-bottom: 12px; max-height: 64px; overflow: hidden; transition: max-height 0.3s;">
<span jsname="YS01Ge">You give and take away</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">You give and take away</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">My heart will choose to say</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Lord, blessed be Your name</span></div>
<div class="xpdxpnd" data-mh="64" data-mhc="1" jsname="U8S5sf" style="line-height: 1.24; margin-bottom: 12px; max-height: 64px; overflow: hidden; transition: max-height 0.3s;">
<span jsname="YS01Ge">God you give and take away</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Oh you give and take away</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">My heart will choose to say</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Lord, blessed be Your name</span></div>
<div class="xpdxpnd" data-mh="64" data-mhc="1" jsname="U8S5sf" style="line-height: 1.24; margin-bottom: 12px; max-height: 64px; overflow: hidden; transition: max-height 0.3s;">
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed be the name of the Lord</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed be Your name</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed be the name of the Lord</span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Blessed be Your glorious name"</span></div>
<div class="xpdxpnd" data-mh="64" data-mhc="1" jsname="U8S5sf" style="line-height: 1.24; margin-bottom: 12px; max-height: 64px; overflow: hidden; transition: max-height 0.3s;">
<span jsname="YS01Ge">Words by Matt Redman</span></div>
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-51731194819581705692018-04-10T10:54:00.000-04:002018-04-10T10:54:13.028-04:00Autism Awareness Month 2018Autism is so encompassing. It consumes a family's time, energy, strength, sanity, and heart. As our son moved into his puberty years last year, we saw it wreak havoc in his life and, subsequently, our family's lives. What parent hasn't feared the puberty stage and all of the wild hormones that come with it for any pubescent kid? Add that to a kid who already struggles to live in this world, and you've got trouble! Because our son also struggles with various other mental health issues (a common struggle for those on the spectrum), you add those into the mix, and you've got utter trouble and chaos to battle with on a daily basis. We had been warned by many specialists that puberty would be tough, but we never expected it to be this bad.<br />
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Things were going rather well leading up to the onset of puberty. Josh was doing extremely well and remained stable off of all drugs for almost a year thanks to the use of essential oils and supplements and dietary changes. He was so stable that we decided to take our whole family on a missions trip in April of last year. He did exceptionally well the whole time we were there given all of the sensory overload; the constant change of routine and daily plans; the very long days; and all of the new sights, smells, and language. In fact, he LOVED it there! So much so, that we came home, and he completely fell apart because he wanted to live there instead! In less than a month, he ended up in the hospital. It was rough after that, and two months later, he was back in the hospital. His team of doctors and therapists started pushing for residential treatment. We fought that idea as valiantly as we could, but as our ER trips became more and more frequent and the struggle to find open hospital beds became the new reality, we were forced into having to make the hardest decision of our lives and put him in residential treatment in the Fall.<br />
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We love our son dearly. It kills us to be separated, yet after the severity of last year, we are still in many ways still today trying to regroup, catch our breath, and pick up the pieces of our lives. We are working through emotional and psychological damage dealing with his behaviors caused in all of us, particularly David who spent countless hours last year locked in our bedroom (his safe room) during the multiple violent meltdowns of his brother.<br />
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The most difficult reality for me was having to come to terms with the fact that I have no control of the outcome of his life. He was making countless wrong choices despite all of the therapies, Bible instruction, and parenting we have given him. I was at a loss for changing his course in life because he didn't want to listen to me. It was his way or the highway. No consequences could break through his inner resolve. <br />
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It was at that frightening intersection that God had to show me that I've never really had control. Josh has belonged to God before I even knew he was growing in my womb. I can do all that God has called me to do in Josh's life, but at the end of the day, God's the one calling the shots and orchestrating the path of Josh's life. I can't set him up to succeed or prevent him from failure. I can't protect him from sorrow and difficulty or pave the way for blessings. Only God can work all things in Josh's life for his good and God's glory. I had to come to terms with truly letting go and letting God have my son. It's almost a daily battle to not turn back and try to regain control, but I am learning to trust God more. I have no idea what God has in store for my son, but I can continue to pray for him asking God to bring him back to the faith we raised him on, asking Him to deliver Josh from the sinful desires of his heart, and plead for victory in Christ in his life.<br />
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Throughout our years of Autism, I have often wondered how unbelievers can walk this journey without knowing God. I would be an absolute mess and may not be alive today if I didn't have a relationship with God. After this year of learning to trust God to have my son, I don't see how it's even possible to journey this path without God. Because of God, I have hope. Josh's future is in His hands, and that's enough. Nothing will happen outside of God's sovereign plan. That's enough.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fall 2017</td></tr>
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<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-12901339616767179382017-12-30T20:10:00.000-05:002017-12-30T20:10:41.534-05:002017 - The Year We NEVER Want to Repeat<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As we come to the end of 2017, we are more than eager to shake off the dust from the year and move forward. 2017 was the worst year of our lives and one that we truly NEVER want to repeat. Our year end updates are usually positive with lots of wonderful things to report, which is the norm for most people's yearly updates. Who wants to report the bad stuff? It's always better to report the good. Just as in social media, we fall into the trap of trying to always report the good times and often put forth an embellished representation of ourselves or our lives. As I started thinking about our year end report and how to make our nightmare of a year look happy and good, I decided to make it real and share with you the good, the bad, and the ugly. As horrid as the year was, God remained faithful and good, so we find joy and encouragement in that.<br />
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The beginning of 2017 found us earnestly praying for God's leading and direction to take our whole family on a family missions trip for the first time. It was a huge step of faith for us as it was a huge financial undertaking. There were concerns about the safety there with some unrest that had been going on. Then there were lots of concerns with Josh and his Autism and whether or not he would be able to handle the unknowns of new places, smells, language, routines, foods, and people not to mention the eleven hour flight one way when he had never flown before. On top of that, puberty hit hard for Josh starting this Spring causing mood destabilization with his Bipolar.<br />
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The brightest and happiest part of our year was the time our family was able to spend together serving God in our favorite country in the Middle Eastern area. We were amazed by the generosity of family and friends and our church who financially and prayerfully supported our family on this trip making it possible for us to go and helped confirm God's will for us to go on this trip. The fellowship we had with our brothers and sisters in the Lord over there was so wonderful and encouraging to all. It was so wonderful to introduce our boys to them and see our love for these dear friends be shared by our boys. When things got difficult the rest of the year, I often found myself going back to the memories made during this trip and praising God for such a wonderful opportunity and for light in the midst of so many sorrows.<br />
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Upon our return from that trip in May, things quickly fell apart. I returned to work only to severely injure my back lifting a patient which led to intense physical therapy and monthly visits with an orthopedic doctor as I worked to strengthen the area around the herniated, bulging, and torn L4-L5 disc. By the end of the month, we had to hospitalize Josh to help get his mood stabilized.<br />
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Things continued to be intense with Josh even after he returned home, and by July, we had to re-hospitalize him. From that point on, his treatment team started encouraging us to consider residential treatment. Our home health aide services for Josh fell apart forcing us to have to take turns leaving work early to care for Josh after school. No matter how hard we tried to avoid residential, that's where God led us. Thankfully, He used a few moms and one dad to really encourage us in the decision and give us hope. The process of getting Josh into a residential program was very difficult and took over a month to complete. Upon admission at the beginning of November, things fell apart with the facility backing out on their word to allow Josh to use his natural supplements and essential oils which help to keep him as stable as possible. We had to make the decision to leave Josh there for his safety even if it meant allowing his mood stability to possibly worsen without those natural supports. We then began looking for a new facility for Josh who would allow for the use of his natural supports to keep his continuity of care that has been supported by his four treating doctors.<br />
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In the middle of November, I ended up in the ER with severe abdominal pain and found out I needed to have a large polyp removed from my uterus as soon as possible. Surgery was scheduled for the next week on Wednesday, November 23. It was a simple outpatient surgery, and I was discharged that afternoon and given permission by the surgeon to travel to my parents' house that evening for Thanksgiving.<br />
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By that evening, I started to feel very strange but couldn't figure out what was wrong. That led to a very scary next 24+ hours for my family as I was unresponsive following a grand mal seizure. For more details on that whole event, read my <a href="http://calltobelights.blogspot.com/2017/12/coming-back-from-brink-of-death.html" target="_blank">blog post about the ordeal</a>. After a two day stay in the ICU and three days total in the hospital, I was released in time for us to return home from our Thanksgiving trip to my parents' house.<br />
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Upon arrival home, many appointments with specialists were made and more tests were done to check into the state of my health. In less than a week after our arrival home, Josh was able to be transferred to a new residential treatment facility where he was able to resume the use of his natural supplements and essential oils.<br />
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Also in December, I suddenly got taken out of physical therapy and discharged by my orthopedic and listed as "permanently disabled" with lifting/weight restrictions and permanent light duty classification due to my back injury in May. After consulting with a lawyer, I am working on getting an appointment with a physiatrist to be able to resume physical therapy and work my way up to a higher lifting weight ability which will continue to be covered by workman's comp.<br />
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Just this past week, I was cleared by the cardiologist regarding the heart complications I was experiencing since my hospitalization in November. There was concern about permanent damage to my heart from my dangerously low sodium levels that caused the near-death experience in the first place. However, the symptoms were not from the damage but instead a complication from the de-conditioning from being so sick in the ICU and the Neurocardiogenic Syncope I have had since college that had been under control until my hospitalization. The cardiologist believes I will make a full recovery and that it will just take time for me to return to "normal." My blood tests this past week also showed that everything has returned to normal limits, which occurred much faster than expected, and we are grateful. The only outstanding concern is related to a new brain lesion found when a CT Scan was done while I was unresponsive. I have followed up with my neurologist about it who wants more MRIs done, but we are not in a hurry to follow up on those tests for now.<br />
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Meanwhile, during these crazy months, there's Tim and David, who are just trying to survive and cope with all of the drama. Tim has has his own various battles to fight including trying to keep up with his work at the office especially when needing to miss work due to Josh's or my needs. Despite a difficult and interrupted work schedule, he had his best year yet in growing his business. We are grateful for God's goodness in that! Tim has also had to juggle for this past month his own daily responsibilities while picking up many of my own responsibilities since I have been too weak to do much and have spent a lot of my time resting on the couch or in bed. We have been grateful for our church family and other friends who have helped us greatly in providing meals during this difficult time.<br />
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We have thanked the Lord so many times for David this year. His early years struggling with failure to thrive, his immune disorder, and subsequent illnesses and antibody transfusions have helped make him the resilient eleven year old kid that he is today not to mention the hardships of being a brother to someone with Autism and other mental health struggles. David took each thing in stride with very little complaints, yet we know how much he is struggling inside and how he fights to bottle it up. Seeing him struggle with depression and anxiety symptoms was difficult, and we increased our efforts to help him work through his struggles. On top of that, he began middle school this year as a sixth grader and experienced insane amounts of school work that even overwhelmed me as his mother. He has had to struggle through a hard school year this Fall while dealing with so much drama in his household, and he remains resilient! We see evidence of his faith growing. Struggles aside, we have also seen David continue to blossom in his Taekwondo abilities, and David moved up into a full sized violin. Being faithful to our promise, we purchased him his very own full sized violin, and we all enjoy listening to him play. David had the privilege of playing very last minute (less than a week before the concert) in his school band in the Spring and also performed a violin solo during the concert. In December, he had the privilege of playing his violin in the Concert Band (made up of 8th-12th grade instrumentalists from his school and another local Christian school) even though he is not in Band at school. He was given a little more notice this time but still had one month less to prepare than the rest of the students and didn't have the twice weekly rehearsals like they had. We love seeing David shine and use his abilities from God to bless others.<br />
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Josh is now thirteen years old, and he is doing well at the new residential treatment facility and has been there now for almost one month. We are seeing signs of God at work in his heart and his life. He is thriving in the highly structured environment that the facility provides and is enjoying being able to be back at his special school he had to leave when he got transferred to the first residential treatment center. We pray that this time away will be a growing experience for him and will help him to be more stable and able to function at home and in the community to help him thrive. He remains an animal-lover, and his cat and guinea pigs continue to be one of his greatest loves. We look forward to when we can have him living at home with us again hopefully sometime in 2018.<br />
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My back injury has made me rethink my line of work and my future as a nurse. I have began to look once again at options for becoming a midwife and have increased the number of clients I have as a doula. I don't know what God has for me, but I am seeking His will and walking through the open doors He provides. I am also trying to figure out how to increase my business of wellness coaching and essential oil education to be able to better serve my clients and grow my client base to help people live more natural and healthy lives.<br />
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Tim will be taking on more responsibilities at his office this coming year as his dad starts to turn over parts of the company to Tim. He is excited about the increased responsibilities and the challenges to grow himself and his company that they present.<br />
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As I close, I don't want to leave you thinking that 2017 was all doom and gloom for the Russell family. As difficult and trying as it was, God has wondrously carried us through. He never failed us. While we don't understand what He is trying to accomplish in the many things He has ordained for us to go through, we know that He is working all of these things out for our good and His glory. His sovereignty over our lives is a comfort to us, and the circumstances has helped us to grow our faith and dependence on Him. I leave with you Scriptures about God's sovereignty over our lives. May they be a comfort to you as they have been to us, and may you see God's good work in your life as you enter 2018.<br />
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1 Chronicles 29:11-12 (NIV) "Yours, Lord, is the greatness and the power
and the glory and the majesty and the splendor,
for everything in heaven and earth is yours.
Yours, Lord, is the kingdom;
you are exalted as head over all. Wealth and honor come from you;
you are the ruler of all things.
In your hands are strength and power
to exalt and give strength to all."<br />
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Job 42:2 (NIV) "I know that you can do all things;
no purpose of yours can be thwarted."<br />
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Psalm 135:6 (NIV) "The Lord does whatever pleases him,
in the heavens and on the earth,
in the seas and all their depths."<br />
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Psalm 18:30 (ESV) "This God—his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true;
he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him."<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We enjoyed the time we were able to have as a whole family this Christmas Eve when Josh was allowed to come with us to celebrate Christmas with the Russell side of the family for a few hours. </td></tr>
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<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-12947105061613928402017-12-24T23:58:00.000-05:002017-12-25T10:43:17.201-05:00Sharing in the Sufferings of Christ at Christmas<div dir="ltr">
Sufferings of Christ at Christmas? Yes, you read that right! We all get caught up in the joy of Christmas, that most of us--me included--don't tend to think about the suffering and sorrow that occurred on that first Christmas. This Christmas is a different story for our family, and while the sorrow and suffering has been difficult, it has provided a whole new and refreshing perspective on Christmas for us.<br />
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If you have ever lost a loved one and had to go through Christmas without that special someone or struggled with a significant physical ailment or care for a family member with special needs, you too may be able to relate with the sufferings of Christ during Christmas as well. If you don't fall into any of those categories, it would be healthy for you to contemplate some of these thoughts I'd like to share with you.<br />
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Let's set aside the excitement and joy that comes naturally at the thought of Christ's birth because a Savior was born to us giving us the hope of eternal life. Instead, let's think about what God Himself experienced that first Christmas! Think about it: Jesus--God in flesh--gave up the comforts of heaven, the presence and fellowship with His triune Godhead to physically dwell with humanity on this earth. He left His exalted throne in heaven to lie in a lowly feeding trough. His first breath on earth brought him the smells of animals and hay. He knowingly laid aside the right to be worshipped as God to be rejected by the people He created and came to save. He came to this earth knowing He had to suffer and die because He was the only rescuer of our souls. Leaving heaven, a place where there are no tears, pain, or disease, He came to this earth to experience sorrow, heartbreak, physical and emotional pain, and sicknesses just like any other human being. God the Father sacrified His own Son, and that sacrifice began that first Christmas. There had to be heartache and sorrow for Mary as she held her precious baby in her arms knowing the prophecies of the prophets and what Gabriel told her. Instead of the joy of your precious baby, there was a shadow of the suffering her baby would experience on her behalf. Eight days after giving birth to her baby, she was reminded of that with the prediction of Simeon in the temple. Are you starting to get the picture?<br />
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Paul in Philippians 3:10 says, "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings..." We are getting a new perspective in the fellowship of his sufferings this year.
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Our family knows suffering, and this year has been full of it -- more on that in my next blog post. If you heard about our <a href="http://calltobelights.blogspot.com/2017/12/coming-back-from-brink-of-death.html?m=1" target="_blank">significant trial over Thanksgiving</a>, you know that suffering has been very recent and that it continues as I continue to undergo tests and see specialists as we try to figure out how to get me back to health. Having missed Thanksgiving, I wanted Christmas, which is also my favorite holiday of the year, to be extra special. However, no matter how much I prayed and tried to feel better and made plans for Christmas, all of our usual traditions and special family times were missed or fell short of usual expectations because some days, I could barely get off the couch or out of bed. As I type this, I am viewing our 1/3 of the way decorated Christmas tree that I so desperately wanted to see finished, and it's Christmas Eve! Christmas shopping? -- still not finished. We got the essentials done for our Christmas get together with Tim's family today at least. I finished that on Friday, and we got the remaining few gifts for our sons in the mail yesterday. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHHE8bxtHTL9N_DPGz61D5XLsanBDGnvhVA6aIObeDEf8MWL4bfhZb7YBQjQ33IqDz20K-iKmfIx8-H5xcUff9Pes0UjZOxNZreBJ5eQmNMclXq5ew0mESU0rdOLuRpHZUVvRLzp6No1c/s1600/20171224_232847.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHHE8bxtHTL9N_DPGz61D5XLsanBDGnvhVA6aIObeDEf8MWL4bfhZb7YBQjQ33IqDz20K-iKmfIx8-H5xcUff9Pes0UjZOxNZreBJ5eQmNMclXq5ew0mESU0rdOLuRpHZUVvRLzp6No1c/s320/20171224_232847.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our 1/3 decorated Christmas tree</td></tr>
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Christmas day is a special time to be together as a family, and here, as we prepare for tomorrow, we have our oldest living at a residential treatment facility due to issues with puberty conflicting with his Autism and Bipolar, and our youngest is spending the night at his grandparents' house so that Tim and I can go up and visit with our oldest for two hours on Christmas. We are grateful that he was allowed to join us for the Russell Christmas get together for eight hours today! That was a blessing! Christmas is not feeling like Christmas. I don't even get to enjoy participating in all of the usual festivities because being up and around causes shortness of breath and chest pain and fatigue. Joy and excitement and motivation to celebrate? - that's a bit lacking this year!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVCzj_qVcjax_XYmjGIGezDa-G5-cwpPXb3xfs8H5vHU80KN6aRDA_yZiDzz2cJl5-qE9uRm0_CFB1ZeKZJE2ka4yQ8MpS-N8k2cr9koHO8VLxrsDLVE8mqcOhgmNBfwmSZZt1D2jVzMw/s1600/IMG_20171224_155524.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVCzj_qVcjax_XYmjGIGezDa-G5-cwpPXb3xfs8H5vHU80KN6aRDA_yZiDzz2cJl5-qE9uRm0_CFB1ZeKZJE2ka4yQ8MpS-N8k2cr9koHO8VLxrsDLVE8mqcOhgmNBfwmSZZt1D2jVzMw/s320/IMG_20171224_155524.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our only family picture from today</td></tr>
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We have been reading through Paul Tripp's Advent devotional called <i>Come Let Us Adore Him</i> that a sweet friend gifted to us. It has been a blessing and encouragement to us in more ways than one. Paul Tripp brings out the sorrow and suffering of that first Christmas which really resonated with me and encouraged me that I can still experience Christmas and even experience it in a deeper way than I ever have before. Paul says, "The Christmas story reminds us that hopelessness is the only door to true and eternal hope...It's true that hope isn't a thing; it's a person, and his name is Immanuel. Celebrate hope this Christmas" (Tripp, p. 93).<br />
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I heard someone say just tonight that you can't experience true joy until you've experienced true suffering. That is so true. Despite our current suffering, we do have joy that this is all temporary and that we have a sure hope of eternity with God all because Christ was willing to come to this earth to suffer as a baby and grow up only to die for our sins. Because of His suffering that started that first Christmas, we can look forward to no more suffering for all of eternity. His suffering brought us hope! As we suffer, we cling to that hope, and joy bubbles up as a result. Because of His birth, God can turn our mourning into dancing lights; He can wipe away our tears; He can be our God of all comfort; and we can enjoy His peace that surpasses all understanding.<br />
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This Christmas, we find comfort in our sorrow, we are knowing Christ in a deeper way in His sufferings, and we still can celebrate the hope of what His birth means to us. It may not be a "Merry Christmas," but it remains a HOPE-filled Christmas!<br />
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We wish each of you a Blessed and Hope-filled Christmas!</div>
Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-31631026770091813112017-12-11T22:07:00.002-05:002017-12-11T22:07:28.602-05:00Coming Back from the Brink of DeathOn Wednesday, November 22, 2017, I had to have an urgent, simple, outpatient surgery. I was discharged that afternoon and cleared by the surgeon to travel up to my parents' house as originally planned for our Thanksgiving holiday. Little did I know that our holiday plans would drastically change within a matter of hours. As we began our 2.5 hour journey by car, I was in pain and nauseated--something my doctor said would be a possibility and had instructed me to take Toradol for pain and Zofran for nausea. Because I wanted to make the car ride as comfortable as possible and given my current symptoms, I chose to take 1 Toradol and 1 Zofran. Instead of getting better as the journey continued, I got worse. By the time I arrived to my parents' house, I was feeling terrible. It was all I could do to sit on the couch and be still. As the night wore on, I began to feel like my head was in a fog. I knew something was wrong but didn't have enough cognition left to figure it out. Twice, I asked my husband what was wrong with me which befuddled him, and he just reminded me I was tired from having surgery that day. Shortly after that, I lost all conscious awareness and memory. My husband claims I mumbled responses to a few more of his questions to communicate basic needs, but I have no recollection of any of these discussions.<br />
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Tim carried me downstairs to our awaiting bedroom and put me to bed. At 1 a.m. on Thanksgiving Day, Thursday, November 23, I screamed a "bone-chilling, blood-curdling cry" that will forever be etched into Tim's memory and made him jump out of bed and turn on the light. He found me in a full Grand mal seizure. Tim managed to lower me to the floor to prevent me from falling out of bed and put me on my side as I foamed at the mouth with blood running out the side of my mouth thanks to my biting my tongue. The seizure lasted about 90 seconds according to Tim. Because I am the one who makes the medical decisions in the house, Tim decided to wait for me to wake up to ask me what we should do. I never woke up. By 3:00 a.m., I had vomited all over myself. After the second vomiting episode, Tim was really starting to get concerned, but was too afraid to leave me to go up 2 floors to awake the rest of the household. Just before 6, David awoke, and sensing something wasn't right went downstairs to find Tim and me. Tim hurried David to wake up my parents to let them know we needed to go to the hospital. That started a flurry of activity as preparations were made for my dad to drive Tim and me to the hospital 20 minutes away in Scranton. After another vomiting episode in the car, we arrived at the hospital where the real urgency quickly became evident to all.<br />
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I was whisked off to Trauma 1 and pounced on by many specialists. I was unconscious and unresponsive. However, I had a lot of meaningless movements that showed agitation and inhibited medical care making medical intervention difficult. I was injected with Versed, a sedative, to assist the staff in getting blood drawn and an IV line in. I was given a rating of a 7 in the Glasgow Coma Scale which falls in the severe brain damage category. My pupils were not dilating or responding, I had no signs of cognition, and I had severely abnormal flexion of extremities to give you a small glimpse of how bad it looked.<br />
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Due to my depressed mental status and agitation, the decision was made to intubate me and put me on a ventilator. I was also further sedated in order for a CT scan of my brain to be done to check for a brain bleed (thankfully, the CT scan showed no brain bleed). My preliminary blood tests came back with the most alarming result showing my Sodium level to be 121 which is dangerously low! My EKG also showed some issues going on with my heart which isn't a surprise with low sodium, and I was placed on a heart monitor. At that point, the doctors were thinking it was too late and that I wasn't going to make it, but they made every effort to get me as stable as possible. The parish nurse was called in to say a final prayer over me. The doctors began to treat some other electrolytes out of whack and get me hydrated. Tim said at one point, I had 4 usable IV sites in my arms and had 3 IV sites being used at the same time to get meds and IV solutions into me. I also had an Nasogastric tube (NGT) down which they were using to get electrolyte tablets into my stomach. Once I was stable, they transferred me to the ICU (Intensive Care Unit).<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpAXiUliKzitsY092ankDiO8bkaWXR-4BPXNLeWqlKp6BJ876ujMYC0KJtUUh2rXwgvOY5rkRQ93SSmfFVkpqirOiXWg12FcBzWmqwMt_aDNQTpxK1YkN4jwtUcWw_kVOJjR1uLYf5NA4/s1600/IMG_20171123_122422.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpAXiUliKzitsY092ankDiO8bkaWXR-4BPXNLeWqlKp6BJ876ujMYC0KJtUUh2rXwgvOY5rkRQ93SSmfFVkpqirOiXWg12FcBzWmqwMt_aDNQTpxK1YkN4jwtUcWw_kVOJjR1uLYf5NA4/s320/IMG_20171123_122422.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My ventilator</td></tr>
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I had a foley catheter inserted into my bladder to keep my bladder draining, and thankfully, the thermometer gage on it alerted the staff to a quickly elevating body temperature. They discovered I had aspiration pneumonia from aspirating on my vomit, so they quickly responded with IV antibiotics. Tylenol was given via NGT and a fan was brought in to get my temperature down.<br />
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As the hours went by, and I remained alive, and my sodium levels started to increase, the thinking turned to maybe I will survive, but will I be permanently brain damaged or will I ever wake up or will I remain in this vegetative state? I also continued to be very agitated and was allegedly pretty persistent in trying to pull out all of the many tubes and wires going into me. While I was intubated and breathing on a ventilator, I had to be restrained in order to keep me from pulling the breathing tube out. Tim claims that didn't stop me from trying to slide my body down so that I could try to reach the tube with my tied up hands anyway. Who knew I could be such a fighter when unresponsive??? As the day wore on, I passed a spontaneous breathing trial and was maintaining proper oxygen levels, so I was weaned from the vent and extubated and placed on an oxygen mask.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOqvlG9yEHlF8oIM6-jwICYn6BdHXATJctPZ2h2616KOLslEe8_-oQNLLzxouc7_W-YdtlPTqt3FH8qUjRWs9Uf5QuZxvySCyX393h4Z_rxgxCoxbJXXwWB_4aT0CS4P4sSoUnsXTgWxI/s1600/IMG_20171123_122602.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOqvlG9yEHlF8oIM6-jwICYn6BdHXATJctPZ2h2616KOLslEe8_-oQNLLzxouc7_W-YdtlPTqt3FH8qUjRWs9Uf5QuZxvySCyX393h4Z_rxgxCoxbJXXwWB_4aT0CS4P4sSoUnsXTgWxI/s320/IMG_20171123_122602.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hand restraints to keep me from pulling out all of my tubes</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinzsxyP0Y8lA9SiyiYOUmEwXujsbEZ8w97bWhMG6jl9Lhc2syWQes8msjLY3sizYN03IRfEduW8qm1RQI1UYJMK9EBnHLByoB2oFzbFQHTps-zjim8vDxG-FJeag6Ybh0Yuu00SGfcsoE/s1600/IMG_20171123_145018.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinzsxyP0Y8lA9SiyiYOUmEwXujsbEZ8w97bWhMG6jl9Lhc2syWQes8msjLY3sizYN03IRfEduW8qm1RQI1UYJMK9EBnHLByoB2oFzbFQHTps-zjim8vDxG-FJeag6Ybh0Yuu00SGfcsoE/s320/IMG_20171123_145018.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Breathing on my own but with an oxygen mask</td></tr>
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In the evening, my parents brought David to see me. He sweetly sat by my bed and held my limp, unresponsive hand while I continued to lie there with oxygen going in via nasal cannula by that point. As the sun went down, I got more and more agitated, so David couldn't stay at my side any longer. He was such a trooper through the whole, scary ordeal. [He won't talk about how he is feeling after going through all of that which concerns us. We pray he will open up when he is ready.]<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Overnight Thursday into Friday, I was taken off of oxygen completely<br />
Note: David wanted to help calm me down while he was with me and did my hair. Do you like my hair dew?</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO21jHfLaiJc6wYUKePq-m80zYTFY421S7HDRII6_fgA76sC-OMcGTSt8s0UkdK2eysj08eehCwRvQwrITdZ4bjxpdXSZEjPUj0v6mkHbUDY8SgS4gMMknQksCfY1b0fOI1mzf0VOtNfI/s1600/IMG_20171124_065804.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO21jHfLaiJc6wYUKePq-m80zYTFY421S7HDRII6_fgA76sC-OMcGTSt8s0UkdK2eysj08eehCwRvQwrITdZ4bjxpdXSZEjPUj0v6mkHbUDY8SgS4gMMknQksCfY1b0fOI1mzf0VOtNfI/s320/IMG_20171124_065804.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Holding steady</td></tr>
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I finally had to be sedated again to keep me calm, and Tim entered another sleepless night waiting at my bedside praying that I would wake up. Sometime early Friday morning, I woke up for the first time. I was very groggy and pretty confused. I was shocked to learn that I was in the hospital then succumbed to sleep once more. Later that morning, I woke up again to relearn I was in the hospital, discover that I was in a hospital in Scranton (for a while, I couldn't figure out how I had even got up there since I didn't remember the drive up to my parents' house Wednesday night at first), and then I felt panicked when I learned I was in the ICU! I was also disheartened to learn that I had completely missed Thanksgiving! It took a few more periods of sleep and being awake before I learned the whole story of how I got there.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sleeping peacefully after having become responsive once again</td></tr>
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By the afternoon, I was allowed to get out of bed for the first time. It set off the heart alarm making staff come running, but it felt so good to get up. A physical therapist and occupational therapist later came by to help me walk a little bit for the first time. I learned a new meaning of baby steps! I had a visit from one of my aunts and then my parents and sister and David. I am sure David was so happy to see me awake, and it was so good to give him a hug and truly hold his hand.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Working with the PT and OT to walk for the first time</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My second walk was with my handsome date as my escort</td></tr>
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I was so much better come late that evening, the doctor decided to move me from the ICU to the main floor. Ironically, I ended up being moved to their pediatric unit. It was very weird for me, a pediatric nurse, to be a patient in a pediatric unit! I continued to set off the heart alarm each time I got up, but at least then, only one person came running.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Saturday morning in the pediatric unit</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Enjoying our visit with David</td></tr>
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On Saturday, I was feeling stronger and enjoyed a visit from David, my parents, sister, and brother. We were then given the good news that I could go home that evening if my last blood test results came back fine and after I had a brain MRI to follow up on the findings of the CT Scan. [Back in 2011, I was diagnosed with a <a href="https://calltobelights.blogspot.com/2011/11/in-midst-of-storm.html" target="_blank">brain lesion</a>. Cancer, Multiple Sclerosis, Lupus, and a parasite were all ruled out, but the four neurologists I did see couldn't figure out what it was. The decision was made to repeat the MRI yearly and follow up with the neurologist I chose to be my treating neurologist. After two subsequent yearly MRIs showed no changes, the decision was made to repeat the MRI every few years. My last MRI was in 2013. The CT scan revealed another lesion and changes to the previous lesion, and the MRI in the hospital that day ended up showing definitive changes. I follow up with my neurologist this coming Wednesday to find out her thoughts on the changes and to discuss any long term damage to my brain that may have occurred from the dangerously low sodium levels.]<br />
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At 9:30 on Saturday evening, I was discharged following the completion of the MRI. I arrived back at my parents' house by 10:00 to get settled into bed for the night. The next morning, we woke up, packed up the car, and left to head back home swinging by the Lancaster area to pick up Josh for a home visit from his residential center he had been at for the month. Once we were home, I got settled on the couch so I could enjoy seeing my family together and be able to interact with them as I was able. It was a happy day despite the fact that I was tired and weak.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Settled at home and happy to spend time with Josh</td></tr>
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So many people have asked what happened since all of this had been so sudden and unexpected, so I thought blogging about it would be helpful to give a thorough recounting and perhaps save me or Tim from having to rehash it several times a day. There is still so much more to the continuing story, but perhaps that will be for more blog posts to come. We are very much still trying to process all that has happened and figure out what God is trying to teach us. We remain confident that God will work all of this out for our good and His glory and are praising Him for the miracles He worked in my life the two days when I walked on the brink of death unknown to me in my unresponsive state. One other thing we are confident of is that God's not finished with me on earth yet! I still have work to do!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-17742458265704487482017-08-14T22:32:00.001-04:002017-08-14T22:47:06.901-04:00Learning to Let it ALL Go<div dir="ltr">
In approaching almost the 13th year of being a mother of a special needs child, you would think I would be done giving up all control of my son to my capable and loving Savior and that I was done giving up all of the circumstances around his needs to the Author and finisher of my faith. Apparently, there are ways I haven't given up that control, and God is digging deeper to reveal the areas of my son's life and my own desires that I am still clinging desperately onto instead of entrusting them to my son's and my Maker.</div>
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I learned to give up my goals and dreams of serving God as a missionary full time on a foreign field and embrace the full time mission field ministering to my children and other special needs parents. I learned to give up the anticipation of my son hitting his normal childhood milestones and instead celebrate the small things like not having a melt down in a community outing or appropriate use of coping skills when upset about a non-preferred directive. I learned to accept that I can't enjoy the pre-teen years when your child becomes more independent while not needing constant supervision but that I can love on my son in more tangible ways and still have him be okay with mom rather than be embarrassed by her. I learned to accept that I can't relax and spend more time doing various hobbies like my friends but enjoy the satisfaction that I am doing all that I can to make my son's life just a little bit easier. I learned to give up the dream of seeing my son participate in team events and celebrate the successes of having a positive social interaction that only required a small amount of adult intervention. I learned to accept his Autism diagnosis and all of the other diagnoses that have been added throughout the years and embrace the unique and perfect way in which God made my son. I accepted all of this and gave it all to God along the way. That's enough, isn't it?</div>
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Sadly, over the last 2 months of many set backs and discouraging battles, as the few rays of hope have started to diminish, God had to uncover yet another thing I needed to give up: my son's future: his spiritual walk, the outcome of his teen years and progression into adulthood, his happiness, his struggles.</div>
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The last 3 years, I have worked relentlessly to make my son's future and development as successful as possible. I've stayed current with all of the latest research, behavioral interventions, and natural solutions to give him the best future possible. We have made so much progress and paved the way for the best outcome possible. I even got to the point that I once again had a glimmer of hope that he could even get married some day.</div>
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Then, it all came crashing down! Puberty raised its evil head wrecking havoc on his body and causing many hardships and setbacks just as the doctors had predicted. We coasted through the beginning thinking we were going to skip our way past the foreboding warnings of the doctors. It looks like we won't be so lucky after all.</div>
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As we moved into the reality of what the next several years would look like, I began worrying about his future. I don't want him to become another statistic of a bipolar youth who kills another person or himself in an angry, illogical rage. I don't want him to get in trouble with the law and end up in a juvenile detention center. I don't want him to reject and curse God and flee from the ways in which we brought him up. I want to make his teen years as easy as possible. I want him to be able to successfully enter the work force and make something of himself. I WANT...</div>
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As my son struggles to maintain control of all circumstances in his life even if it means fighting his way into more and more consequences and lost opportunities, I am struggling to give up the control of my son's future. As he was formed in my womb, God had his days numbered and his course set. I can't control how God gets a hold of his hurting and fragile heart. I can't control whether his teen years are easy or frighteningly difficult. I have no control because I am not God. This has become a frightening reality to me the last couple of weeks. It is so hard to give up control. To sit back and let God be God and do as He sees fit in my son's life and heart. It's not that I don't trust God and His sovereignty. It's the fear of HOW God will accomplish His purposes. My son has already had so many hurdles to cross, and I don't want to see him struggle anymore. God doesn't promise that life will be easy but that He will work all things for good. That has to be enough.</div>
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Once again, I find myself learning and battling to let go. Just as I have let go of the other things, I have to do that with my son's future. It's just a whole lot harder than I had expected. Abraham had to give up all control of his son Isaac's life and be willing to sacrifice him in obedience to God. Hannah gave up control of her son Samuel's life to give him to the ministry in the temple. Mary had to give up all control of her son Jesus' life and let him to his Heavenly Father's work even if it meant going to the cross. It's time I learn to follow in their footsteps and give up all control of my son's life and his future. It won't be easy, but it is necessary. Once I do, the rays of light will break through again because the only place for my son to be is in the good hands of the Shepherd of my son's heart. If I can do that, it won't be all doom and gloom, right?</div>
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-51226010975195203432017-03-25T21:16:00.001-04:002017-03-25T21:16:40.625-04:00It Takes a Village to Raise a Special Needs ChildThe last two weeks have been utterly horrific and ones that I pray we will never have to repeat. Josh came completely unglued emotionally leading to terrible and horrifying behaviors. It was like reliving the unstable days of years past when his bipolar was not well controlled. He has been stable for the last 3 years, but since we decided to do a family missions trip because Josh was so stable, it seems as if Satan is pulling out all of the stops to get us to change our mind.<br />
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We spent the last week and a half deliberating about whether or not to hospitalize Josh. It was the most agonizing decision to make knowing he was completely out of control and out of our ability to control yet knowing that if we send him back to the hospital, it will be yet another traumatic experience for him complicated by the fact that the hospital simply drugs the kids to make them calm, keeps them in front of a TV screen all day to keep them under control, and feeds them all of kinds of food that we do not put into our bodies not to mention the gluten and refined sugars that would be served that are huge triggers for Josh and his mood/behaviors. It was a no-win situation, but we were quickly running out of other options.<br />
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Throughout this struggle, we had dear friends from church who regularly checked in with us, sent me encouraging texts including reminders of helpful Scripture passages, and who came at a last minute's notice to allow us to get out of the chaos for a quick breath of fresh air and a chance to celebrate Tim's passing of his Certified Financial Planner exam. I was encouraged by a phone conversation I had with one of Josh's youth leaders who was concerned about Josh and his behaviors and wanting to know how the youth leaders can help him be more successful in youth group then praying with me that God would help Josh through this difficult time and return to stability. David's Christian counselor who had done a joint session with the boys the last week and could tell Josh was coming undone sent me an email to check in and see how we were doing and see if she can help in anyway. Josh's school was extremely concerned and offered their help and support to us and did all that was necessary to help keep him under control as much as it was possible. Josh's psychiatrist saw Josh on an emergency basis then gave me her cell phone number so that I could contact her at any time (and she walked with us through the battle of whether or not to hospitalize several different days over the last two weeks). She is also a blessing in that she doesn't always see medication as the answer to problems. Josh's nutritionist responded to my email asking if she had any suggestions for ways we can help Josh by offering her chiropractor husband's services before his office hours began to do some specialized neurological adjustments to help Josh, and as he did so, he spoke the Gospel to him. The nutritionist then offered to squeeze Josh into her busy schedule to see if anything from a nutritional and supplemental standpoint could be done to help him. We had another friend who still willingly came in the midst of the chaos to watch the boys so we didn't have to cancel our plans to go to a concert in Philly that we had bought tickets for back in December. I had another friend who deals with similar drama in her household come alongside of me and check in with me all while being an encouragement just through her mutual understanding. We also had many friends and family members praying for Josh and for us, and prayer is just what all of us needed!<br />
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I can't imagine having to do these last two weeks alone! I am thankful for the village God has built up around us to stand with us in trials and support and encourage us. Had it not been for the support of those faithful villagers, I am not sure what things would be looking like right now. God through His goodness and providence has helped us have all that we needed to walk through this fire.<br />
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With the sudden return to stability Josh experienced yesterday (most likely due to the prayers, neurological adjustment, and supplement changes), we are more than ready to take deep breaths of fresh air. However as I do so, I am praising God for our village and the way He used dear people to help us get to the other side. Raising a child with special needs is not for the faint of heart, but it's also impossible to do alone. It truly does take a village to raise a special needs child, and I am grateful that God has not left us alone!<br />
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<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-57186443070257090032017-03-10T15:57:00.000-05:002017-03-10T15:57:50.472-05:00Letting Faith Rest in the Power of GodAs our date of departure for our family missions trip draws ever nearer, and the final plans are made, I found myself feeling more and more nervous about bringing our oldest on the trip with us due to his continued mood instability. I feared for his safety with the way he was acting not to mention that I worried about how his behavior would be looked upon by the people in that culture. I was praying that God would help him to become stable again, but it seemed that each day, there were only more problems rather than fewer. I began doubting our decision and whether or not God wanted us to bring our son with us. On top of that, I wrestled with the fact that the country we were headed to had fewer than 1% of the population who were Christians and there really wasn't a model for what a Christian family should look like in that culture except what the pastors and their families are presenting as they blaze the trail raising Christian families. Part of my vision for the trip was that we could let the people there see what an American Christian family looks like. However, with the way our oldest was behaving, that idea would be a disaster because we'd only show them how truly broken we really are. I worried about showing that side.<div>
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I expressed my concern in a discussion with Tim who stated that it's not our mission to present to them a "perfect" Christian family. It's our mission to be with them in body and Spirit encouraging and ministering to each other. That's what a partnership is all about. Through the ministry of one another, God builds His Church. I was thankful for Tim's insight, input, and decision that we are going as a complete family no matter what.</div>
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The next day, in reading an excerpt from a meditations book written by missionaries with Josh, I had to smile at God's providence at the passage of Scripture and following reflection about that passage because it was just what I needed to read and meditate upon in my heart.</div>
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I Corinthians 2:1-5: And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.</blockquote>
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God has this trip already worked out. He has my son's stability under His control. He's the one who called us to do this trip as a family, and He's the one doing amazing things to make this trip possible. He has called us to be lights and bring the Gospel to all peoples making disciples. We do that by presenting <b><u>Christ</u></b> in our brokenness. We don't want to be making converts of the Russell Kingdom. We want to make converts of Christ's Kingdom. What better way to do that but through our own brokenness and desperate need for a Savior. May these dear people we fellowship with see Christ and Christ alone in our broken lives and may all of the honor and glory go to Him who sustains us and gives us the strength to finish each day through His great and mighty power.</div>
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Interestingly enough, as soon as I embraced this new way of thinking, things calmed down in our household, and our son has seen the most stability yet since things got rough in December. Perhaps God just needed to get my attention and teach me a lesson and grow my faith! To God be the glory!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-4494465886741973262017-02-28T17:54:00.000-05:002017-03-01T09:44:57.176-05:00Encouraging Thoughts to Help You Carry OnBeing a caregiver for a special needs person is not for the faint of heart. It can be exhausting, emotionally draining, and often, it can seem repetitive and rewardless. It's been twelve years since we started on our special needs journey with our first son and 10 years with our second son. While we have seen remarkable changes over all of those years, when we are in the day in and day out toil, it often feels as if our efforts are in vain. The day to day progress seems nonexistent and the step back for every two steps forward is disheartening.<br />
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Of late, I have become weary of the same conversations over and over again helping our son with Autism know how to appropriately act in various social situations and when given non-preferred directives. I feel like a broken record on a daily basis, and it seems no matter what I say or do or how encouraged I am after a conversation, my time and energy spent in helping my son is in vain because either the same day or the next, he ends up doing exactly what we discussed he shouldn't do. It can be infuriating to say the least.<br />
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It is times like these that I am so grateful that I am not on this journey alone but that I have my great God and Savior right there with me encouraging me forward, strengthening me to finish each day, and carrying me when I can no longer walk on my own. Time spent in God's Word and in prayer refreshes and nourishes me daily. God-centered music daily ministers to my heart speaking God's truth into my mind. Conversations with people who love and accept me and my family the way we are, who are willing to walk with us in our not-so-pretty daily lives, and treat us without judgment help my burdens to not be so unbearable and help me to not feel so alone.<br />
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If you know someone who cares for someone with special needs, I encourage you to reach out and be a blessing. Don't judge. Get involved in their messy, daily lives and love them with God's love. Send an encouraging note with an encouraging Scripture verse or passage. Don't ask "How can I help?" but instead ask "When can I come over and help with housework or care for the kids or bring over a meal?" <br />
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Sometimes, when struggles pile up, it's easy to get overwhelmed and discouraged. Necessary daily tasks become repetitive and meaningless. Sometimes we need a reminder that the mundane is not for nothing and that we are involved in Kingdom work. After all, a large part of Jesus' ministry on this earth was ministering to those with special needs.<br />
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Some encouraging Scripture passages that help me keep going include:<br />
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"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights" - Habakkuk 3:17-19.<br />
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"The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail" - Isaiah 58:11<br />
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"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." - Lamentations 3:19-26<br />
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Some songs that have really ministered to me in my hardest of days include:<br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIGs2uEqkjM" target="_blank">"Blessings"</a> by Laura Story<br />
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<a href="http://www.gettymusic.com/he-will-hold-me-fast" target="_blank">"He Will Hold Me Fast"</a> by Keith & Kristyn Getty<br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWM5aE-OBPQ" target="_blank">"Grace"</a> by Carolyn Hamlin<br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzrhqjzQCi4" target="_blank">"Day by Day"</a> a hymn written by Lina Sandell and translated by A. L. Skoog; music by: Oscar Ahnfeldt<br />
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No matter how hopeless a situation, our hope rests in God alone. He is our strength and salvation. He is our sovereign designer who is working all things together for our good and His glory!<br />
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-27636500712499407222017-02-19T16:42:00.000-05:002017-02-19T16:42:28.046-05:00No Matter the CostAs our family missions trip draws ever nearer, we are busy making plans and ironing out details and making reservations. We are excitedly sharing our plans and desires for our trip with friends and family and asking for prayer and financial support. We are also, more importantly, trying to mentally and spiritually prepare ourselves for the weeks ahead and the actual trip as we know that we "do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places" (Ephesians 6:12).<br />
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In my own personal preparations, I just finished reading the book <i>The Insanity of God: A True Story of Faith Resurrected</i> by Nik Ripken, which has been a HUGE blessing to me personally and a significant spiritual growth stimulator in my own life. This book has incredible stories of Christians who suffered through significant persecution yet kept their faith and had God do amazing work in and through their lives and/or deaths. I have been reminded through these stories and lessons the author learned through his conversations with these believers that God doesn't call us to go and make disciples to areas that are safe. He simply calls us to GO (Matthew 28:19-20). At the same time, Jesus warned his disciples and us that the world will hate us and persecute us (John 15). We are reminded by the Apostle Paul that we are crucified with Christ and no longer live but instead, Christ lives in us (Galatians 2:20). He reminds us that we should desire to "know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings, becoming like him in his death" (Philippians 3:10).<br />
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When we decided to do this family missions trip, we knew the risks we would be taking in going to a country suffering from unrest and where our dear sisters and brothers in Christ suffer various forms of persecution for their faith. One of the churches we will be worshiping in is on terrorist group hit lists. In a country with less than 1% Christians, it can get very lonely for believers, and the temptation to lose faith is great. On the flip side, the opportunity for faith to grow and be ever resilient is greater for them than it is for us here in the comforts of our freedoms and our assumption of safety. We want to go and minister to and encourage these dear saints. At the same time, we hope to be challenged spiritually by their faith and learn to be ever faithful in the midst of suffering. We want our fellowship with the believers to be a time of edification for them and us alike as we bear each others burdens and sharpen one another helping each other to be more like Christ so that through our lives more people will be led to Christ. Isn't that the Gospel in action?<br />
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Some of our well-meaning friends and family have asked us whether or not we are truly being wise and thinking about our boys in choosing to take them into a dangerous area. While we appreciate their care and concern for our family's well-being and safety, we have to follow God's calling in this area. We have discussed with the boys the risks and allowed them to have the final say in whether or not they think it's worth it, and they are 100% behind this and so very eager to go. We truly believe God has called us to do this, and He has been confirming this call in so many different ways (some even miraculous!) since we made this decision. God hasn't called us to do this to put us in danger. He has promised to be with us "always, to the very end of the age (Matthew 28:20). Our lives (and our boys' lives) are not our own -- they have been bought with a price, and hence, we must glorify God with our bodies (I Corinthians 6:19-20). Our lives are nothing to us, and like Paul, our desire is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord has given us - testifying to the Gospel of God's grace (Acts 20:24)! We have been reminded by a dear friend from this area that we are truly "bullet-proof"! No bullet will take our lives or wound us unless it was God's ordained "bullet" because His work in us on this earth is complete or He has greater plans for us. <br />
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Are there fears and concerns? Sure, we are, after all, human! What's greater is God's call on our lives to take up His cross and follow Him and carry out the Great Commission wherever He leads us - right here in Elverson, PA right now and in other places near and far away as He directs our steps.<br />
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This great God whom we serve sacrificed His own Son's life through a terrible, painful death on the cross so that our sins could be wiped clean, and we could once and for all have right standing before God and a home in His presence for all eternity. He intricately formed us in our mother's wombs giving us the breath of life and ordaining all of our days. He made us His children when we were filthy in our sins unable to desire Him. He has walked with us through our various struggles in this life and has never failed us. He comforts us with His Word and His church universal. He strengthens us and showers us with His grace to survive each day He has planned for us. This is love too great for me to comprehend!<br />
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As Isaac Watts penned in his great hymn "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross," "Were the whole realm of nature mine, that were a present far too small; love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all." No matter the cost, I give my life and the lives of my boys to our great God! Here I stand. I can do no other!<br />
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-51507079568985635152017-02-15T09:02:00.000-05:002017-02-15T09:02:34.322-05:00The Greatest ValentineAs I left the house yesterday morning on Valentine's Day heading to work, I enjoyed the Valentine God sent me in the form of a beautiful sunrise. The sky was painted in the most brilliant and vibrant pink colors. As my eyes drank in the beauty of God's Valentine for me at that moment, it made me think about how God has given me the Greatest Valentine in the form of His precious Son and all of the lavish gifts He has given me since His Son.<br />
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His love for me was poured out as Jesus' blood ran down his body as He hung on the cross innocent of any wrong-doing but bearing my filthy sins on His body and taking my punishment.<br />
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His love is poured out for me when He sees me as holy and just because He sees me through His victorious and Holy Son.<br />
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His love is poured out for me on a daily basis as he sovereignly controls my daily events to make me more like Him. Even the mundane tasks that demand my time and attention are a result of His love.<br />
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His love is poured out for me through the many blessings He gives me when I deserve only punishment.<br />
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His love is poured out for me in the grace He gives me as I walk through the waters and the fires of life's trials that only make me come out more refined as gold.<br />
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His love is poured out for me when I daily open His Word - His Love Letter to me - to hear from Him, learn more about Him, and grow to be like Him. Yesterday, I stumbled upon the verse Zephaniah 3:17 and was awed by the demonstration of love in it. As God, He has every right to damn me to eternal hell, but yet, instead of rebuking me, He chooses to REJOICE OVER ME with SINGING! After all of the countless times I have held my precious boys close to my heart and sang over them to comfort them, to make them happy, to help them know they were loved, my great God does the same thing to me! What an amazing thought!<br />
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His love is poured out for me when I spend time in prayer fellowshipping with him, praising Him, and lifting requests before His powerful throne of grace.<br />
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His love is poured out for me through the love of my husband who works so hard to provide for me, pitches in around the house to make my life easier, and loves our boys.<br />
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His love is poured out for me through my two boys as He molds and shapes their hearts, as they give me hugs and kisses, and as I clean up after them.<br />
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His love is poured out for me through the joy I get from music whether it's playing the piano, singing, helping my boys with their instrument practices, or simply listening to worship music.<br />
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His love is poured out for me through the friends who take time to notice, to pray, to spend time with me, to lend a helping hand.<br />
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His love is poured out for me through the chances to be the Gospel in someone's life and to see the universal church grow and flourish.<br />
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Yep, I have the greatest Valentine ever, and He is my great God! The most amazing and wonderful thing is that He can be yours too! If He is not already your Valentine, make Him yours today! I'd love to help you do just that if you don't know how!<br />
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<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-89488592287311968432016-12-24T13:36:00.000-05:002016-12-24T13:36:08.048-05:00The Miracle of HopeIf you read my post "<a href="http://calltobelights.blogspot.com/2016/12/the-cost-of-missions.html" target="_blank">The Cost of Missions</a>," I completed the post leaving you at my lowest point where Satan had found my weakness, and he had delivered the fatal blow - so he had thought! I'm so glad our story didn't end there, but I never dreamed how incredible our story would transform from that point. It all began with the most amazing miracle!<br />
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After a difficult day of work on December 20 caring for my patient while dealing with phone calls between Josh's school's principal, our behavior specialist, and Tim, I was emotionally drained and extremely stressed and frustrated. I left work to go pick up Josh from Tim's office since Tim had to pick him up from school early due to behavior issues. On my way, I had yet another difficult and frustrating phone call with Josh's principal which led to another call with the behavior specialist at which point I arrived at Tim's office an emotional mess having spent the majority of my day sobbing over the circumstances, crying at the pain and injustice Josh was experiencing, frustrated that I was stuck at work unable to be with my son when he needed me most, and stressed to get home because I knew David's bus would be dropping him off shortly. At that point I got the final phone call from the behavior specialist who said there was no hope in changing the unfair circumstances for Josh for the day. As I hung up with her, I got a call from David who arrived home and wanted to know where I was. After telling him I'd be home as soon as I could, I hung up and broke down. I had reached my end. I was done fighting. Satan's attacks on my family had been way more than I could have ever imagined, and I just couldn't stand to have him attack my kids one moment longer! In sobs and tears, I said in defeat to Tim, "I can't do this any more! I'm done fighting this battle!" The moment those words were out of my mouth, my phone rang yet again. Too emotional to answer it, I threw the phone at Tim for him to answer. It was David, and the words he said proved that God existed, he cares, He's still in the miracle business, and He answers prayers and gives us the desires of our hearts: "The cat just came back! He's really here!" <br />
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At my lowest point, I needed a miracle to snap me back from the pit of defeat, and that's just what God gave me. After 10 days of going missing, our beloved Lightning Tabby Russell had returned to us! When I thought all hope was lost, God gave me hope that He's still greater than the attacks of Satan, and He will bring us through this.<br />
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“But the Lord is faithful, who will establish you and guard you from the evil one.” 2 Thessalonians 3:3<br />
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“Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.” Psalm 34:19a<br />
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The story gets even better...<br />
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As I talked to David on my way home with Josh, David said there was something wrong with Lightning and that he was having trouble walking and was dragging his back left leg behind him. He was also skin and bones and sick looking. I knew that God wouldn't bring him back to us only to take him away, so I had to trust that God was working all things together for good.<br />
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By the time I got home, David asked to talk to me privately. When we were alone together in the bedroom, he began crying and told me that earlier at school that day, he was struggling with focusing on his schoolwork because he was worrying about the cat wondering what happened to him. He began praying to God begging for him to let the cat come home and telling God, "You know that I am struggling to trust you and believe that you are really there and care about me. Please show you me You are there and bring Lightning home TODAY!" God had done just that, and David was overwhelmed with God's answer! God is so good!<br />
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After making a trip to a local animal hospital, we knew God wasn't finished with the miracles for our family. We were told that Lightning had 3 fractures in his left hip and that he would need to be sedated the following day to get better x-rays to see the extent of the damage. Nerve damage was also present in his left leg as a result of the fractures. Because of the area of the injury, the vet was also concerned that the bladder had been ruptured which would mean Lightning would need to be put down. We brought Lightning home in a crate to monitor whether or not he was able to urinate. If he did, he could be sedated in the morning. We prayed for miracle #2! The next day left us in suspense as to what his outcome would be. By mid-afternoon, we found out that the orthopedic surgeon felt that surgery would be necessary for the best outcome to put a plate across the 3 fractures of his hip and a procedure would need to be done to put his femur head back in the hip socket. However, the surgery would cost over $4,000. There was still hope of decent healing without surgery, and often animals heal surprisingly well on their own. Enter Miracle #3. We chose to go with this route and pray that God would provide sufficient healing to Lightning without surgery. As a result, Lightning is on cage rest to prevent him from further injuring himself and to allow time for healing. We are allowed to let him out to walk around/exercise and to play with him. Each day, we see him as God's miracle of hope to our family at our lowest time.<br />
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God cares about our family. He answers prayer. He makes a way.<br />
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Since that miraculous day, God has continued to give us hope. We received notice that both boys' schools will allow the boys to miss school for this trip. Satan is not going to win this time! All four of us know that Satan may continue to attack. We continue to deal with the battles of the significant crises we have been hit with the last few weeks, and the resolution may take a few more months in coming. In the meantime, we are doing our best to arm ourselves daily for battle. We are so grateful to have a daily visible reminder of that HOPE that is within us each time we look at Lightning, cuddle with him, or even give him his pain medication every 12 hours! We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us! Our HOPE is in the Lord!<br />
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<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2327401019988705328.post-86503697975185717122016-12-24T13:32:00.000-05:002016-12-24T13:36:46.196-05:00The Cost of Missions"Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20<br />
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Before Tim and I were married, both of us felt called into missions, so when we met and it seemed as if God was leading us to be married, we started making plans to do missions together as husband and wife. Tim was a Bible major, and I was a Pre-Med major. We had great plans for how we were going to work as a team on the foreign mission field. We got married in 2002 in time for Tim to finish his final year of college. In 2003, we moved to Pennsylvania for him to go to seminary. I had chosen to not continue on to med school and instead became a Certified Nursing Assistant with the desire of some day getting my nursing degree. We were full speed ahead for getting to the mission field.<br />
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In 2004, we were blessed with our first child. In 2006, we found out we were unexpectedly expecting our second child. We were discouraged to have to decide for Tim to drop out of seminary because we couldn't afford to have him continue and be able to provide for yet another baby. In 2007, I was forced to begin my nursing degree because I found out my science credits were all expiring. That same year and into 2008, we were overwhelmed by the increasing special medical needs of our youngest and starting to be concerned by some behaviors of our oldest. In 2009, our suspicions about our oldest were confirmed, and Josh was given the scary diagnosis of Autism. By the time I finished my degree in 2010, Tim was in full swing of being a financial adviser, and really excelling. The action of missions was changing, so we decided that instead of having Tim finish seminary, we could do mission work looking into opportunities for business as missions. Also, because of the special needs of our children, God had given us a heart for ministering to those with special needs. We knew that we'd never be able to minister in a third world country due to our children's medical needs, so when we discovered the field of Bulgaria, we saw many doors of opportunity open before us, so we excitedly started walking through each one.<br />
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In April 2011, Tim and I went to Bulgaria on a Vision trip with the hope to figure out how our family can live there, see what schooling options were available, make sure we'd be a good fit with the ministry already there, and understand what our housing options were. We loved everything about being there and saw many opportunities to minster. We came home encouraged and believing we could make it work and that God was continuing to open necessary doors. <br />
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However, upon our return, David's health took as turn for the worst and by September, he was needing weekly antibody transfusions to help him fight bacterial illnesses. In November, I ended up with a migraine that took 3 months to finally break despite several drugs, visits with 4 neurologists, and a 4 day hospital stay. At the beginning of the ordeal, a CT Scan revealed 2 brain lesions that the doctors were concerned may be cancer or signs of Multiple Sclerosis. All tests for those were ruled out, but they never could figure out what the lesions were or what caused them. <br />
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By February 2012, Josh had his first psychiatric hospitalization, and we were told that he had Bi-polar in addition to Autism and would need to be on a mood stabilizer for the rest of his life. A few months later, we had a huge family crisis that nearly crushed us. In November, Josh was hospitalized for the second time. By then, we were so discouraged and felt that despite the call to missions in our lives, the door for Bulgaria as well as any full-time missions had been permanently closed.<br />
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We had to find contentment in the mission field at home where God had us in dealing with many medical and psychological specialists and finding opportunities to minister to families in similar situations as ours. Missions didn't look anything like we had planned, but we knew God had a plan and purpose greater than ours. We also found comfort in doing short term missions work and being able to be involved with a partnership in the Middle East. We enjoyed the trips we were able to make over there and the growing relationships with our dear brothers and sisters in Christ. In 2014, we had toyed with the idea of going over there as a family bringing our boys with us, but with the unrest happening in the country, we decided it wouldn't be wise.<br />
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In each of these attempts to serve God in missions, we felt these trials as a heavy hand of Satan working hard to keep us from the field. We related to Job in many ways. However, through each situation, we felt that God used the attacks of Satan to redirect our steps. After all, Satan is not able to thwart God's ultimate plans!<br />
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Finally, in November 2016, we starting praying about taking our family over there in the Spring of 2017. After much prayer, discussing logistics, analyzing the calendar, looking at the cost of flights, and coordinating dates with a gathering that was to happen in the Spring as well, we made the decision to go as a family and start making plans accordingly. Within less than a week of that decision, our stable family situation crumbled in several directions. It started with a crisis regarding David's outpatient therapy on November 30 that led to dealing with a legal agency which then resulted in the need to figure out another way for David to get help because of the trauma and loss of confidence in his counselor. The decision also affected Josh's therapy hence disrupting the therapy both boys were receiving. While in the midst of dealing with that emotional roller coaster, our beloved family kitten, who has brought so much joy to our lives the last several months, went missing after we let him out for the night on December 3. He is an outdoor cat, but he would come in a few times a day to be loved and cuddled. The missing cat brought heavy hearts to all of us but really took its toll on the boys, particularly Josh who began perseverating over his missing cat causing increased behavior issues at school and home. It was difficult for us to hear the boys prayers pleading with God to bring their cat home and see their discouragement when in their minds "God didn't listen." <br />
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Seeing this battle in their hearts and seeing their tenuous faith shaken even more, I started to struggle with why God would do this to our children. In the midst of working in the kitchen on December 14 praying and asking God to protect my boys' hearts and faith and asking Him "Why," God reminded me of the cost of missions and the struggles of our past each time we pursued missions. I had that "aha" moment that this was Satan once again attacking our family trying to ruin our plans before they could even be put into action. Tim and I had a great discussion that night about the circumstances, and while we had seen God using the circumstances in the past to redirect our paths, we really felt that God was in this trip and its timing and desired for us to go. So, we decided to declare war with Satan and persevere and not let his attacks keep us from serving. It was time to arm up for battle and move forward to show Satan he can't win. We sent requests to both boys' schools for an excused absence for the trip, and we started working on a support letter. <br />
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Ephesians 6:10-13a - "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground."<br />
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It didn't take long for Satan to take things up another level this time causing significant issues at school for Josh and unjust treatment of his behaviors and the resulting situations leading us into a battle for Josh's well-being and the legal rights of a kid with his diagnoses and the requirements of his Individualized Educational Plan (IEP). This began the week of December 19 for us. After the events and frustrations with Josh's school on December 20, I had reached my breaking point. I could not fight Satan any longer. If he wants to attack me, fine, so be it! But LEAVE MY CHILDREN ALONE! It's not fair to them! Satan had found my weakness, and I was ready to surrender.<br />
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Luke 24:26-27: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."<br />
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I Peter 4: 12-13, 16, 19: Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed...However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name...So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good."<br />
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Thankfully, our story doesn't end here! Read "<a href="http://calltobelights.blogspot.com/2016/12/the-miracle-of-hope.html" target="_blank">The Miracle of Hope</a>" to hear how God miraculously intervened.Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02311731354373809474noreply@blogger.com0