Lament Explored: Part V: How to Lament

 Note:  This is Part IV of my 5-Part exploration of Lament.  Use the link below to read my previous post.  

Part I:  What is Lament?

Part II: What does Lament do?

Part III: Lament Contrasted

Part IV:  Trust Born From Lament

Part V: How to Lament

Part V:  How to Lament

“Rather than being angry, fearful, apathetic, or despairing, we should choose to lament.  We can follow the example of lament psalms, moving through complaint toward trust…We should express our sorrow while allowing lament to reaffirm the important spiritual realities underlying our lives, our culture, and our future.  God has a bigger plan.  He can be trusted” (Vroegop, p.103).

You will see patterns and variations of these 4 steps throughout the Psalms of Lament.  Use them to guide you in your own prayers of lament.

Turn: An address to God

“The first step in lament pushes against [deafening silence—prayerlessness] by calling us to keep praying” (Vroegop, p.142).  

Vroegop description:  “Address God as you come to him in prayer.  This is sometimes combined with complaint” (Vroegop, Appendix 3).  

Example from a Psalm of Lament: Psalm 4:1 - “Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God.”

Complain:  A complaint to God

“Through godly complaint we are able to express our disappointment and move toward a resolution.  We complain on the basis of our belief in who God is and what he can do” (Vroegop, p.44).

“The lament psalms teach us that these feelings should not be dismissed as invalid or sinful.  They are part of the journey—an aspect of genuine faith” (Vroegop, p.46).

Vroegop description: “Identify in blunt language the specific pain or injustice.  Why or how is often part of the complaint” (Vroegop, Appendix 3).  

Example from a Psalm of Lament: Psalm 10:1 - “Why, O LORD, do you stand far off?  Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?”

Ask: A bold request of God

Vroegop description: “Specifically call upon god to act in a manner that fits his character and resolves your complaint” (Vroegop, Appendix 3).  

Example from a Psalm of Lament: Psalm 13:3 - “Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.  Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;”

Trust: An expression of trust and/or praise

Vroegop description: “Affirm God’s worthiness to be trusted, and commit to praising him” (Vroegop, Appendix 3).

Example from a Psalm of Lament: Psalm 28:6-7 – “The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.”

Conclusion:

“[T]he steps of lament must be learned.  It is vital to the Christian faith.  It is how we make our way through the pains of life while clinging to the hope of the gospel” (Vroegop, p.84).

Learn these steps.  Meditate on the Psalms of Lament to help you in that process and get lamenting!

Reflect on these final thoughts on lament:

“Prayerfully celebrate the reign of God even when you have no idea how the plan will unfold.  The presence of pain—no matter how strong—does not negate the plan of God.  He still reigns.  Therefore, we can tearfully pray one last prayer” (Vroegop, p.148).

“Private lament—all alone with God—has the potential to bring healing to your soul and strength to your heart as you walk a lonely road” (Vroegop, p.170).

“Pain and hardship come in unexpected and unwelcomed waves.  Lament is the personal song that expresses our grief while embracing God’s goodness” (Vroegop, p.172).

“When dark clouds roll in, lament is the path to find mercy—even as the clouds linger.  Lament is the bridge between dark clouds and deep mercy” (Vroegop, p.190).

I pray that lament will be as much of a blessing to you as it has been to me. 

“I am still confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.  Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” ~ Psalm 27:13-14

Lament Explored: Part IV: Trust Born from Lament

Note:  This is Part IV of my 5-Part exploration of Lament.  Use the link below to read my previous post.  

Part I:  What is Lament?

Part II: What does Lament do?

Part III: Lament Contrasted

Part IV:  Trust Born From Lament

Part V: How to Lament

Part IV: Trust Born From Lament

“Trust is believing what you know to be true even though the facts of suffering might call that belief into question.  Lament keep us turning toward trust by giving us the language to step into the wilderness between our painful reality and our hopeful longings” (Vroegop, p.77).

When in the middle of the pain and sorrow, sometimes it is so hard to keep trusting God.  The magnitude of the pain and hurt can sometimes shadow God's goodness and care.  That's where lament becomes crucial!  Lament has a way of keeping the right perspective.  It can help you to see God's goodness and care in the midst of the trial or despite the trial.  When this current trial began almost 4 months ago, everything was so shocking and sudden and traumatic, that I became blind to God's goodness.  Everything was just so big and painful and dark.  For the first time after so many trials in my life, I felt that my faith in God was shaken.  Two weeks before my world came crashing down, I realized that for the first time in many, many years, life seemed to have hit a smooth rhythm.  The trials with our son's mental health and our other son's medical needs had calmed significantly.  Other than a significant battle I was fighting from a midwifery front and an occasional struggles in helping our sons find their life's purpose, life was eerily calm, and life was good.  This realization was so shocking, I was afraid to voice it out loud, so I had kept it to myself.  Since my world came crashing down, I had discussed that realization with my husband, who in turn said he had had that very thought around that same time and also chose to keep quiet about it.  Needless to say, we didn't get to enjoy that peace for long, and when our world crashed around us, it was hard for me to not struggle with doubt about God's goodness, anger that He couldn't allow us to enjoy being on the mountain for a little longer before crashing into the valley, and sorrow over how much grief and trauma we were experiencing.

Thankfully, I didn't stay in that dark place of lack of trust for very long.  God used my journey into lament to give my faith wings and help me trust Him again.

In Dark Clouds Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament, Mark Vroegop reveals how lament can birth trust:

“Choosing to trust through lament requires that we rejoice without knowing how all the dots connect.  We decide to let God be his own interpreter, trusting that somehow his gracious plan is being worked out—even if we can’t see it” (Vroegop, p.79).

“When pain topples our idols, lament invites self-examination.  We can see more clearly the misplaced objects of trust that surface when the layers are peeled back.  Pain helps us to see who we are and what we love” (Vroegop, p.126).

“Prayers of lament are designed to remind us that God is worthy to be trusted—even in this!” (Vroegop, p.79).

“Lament leads to trust, but the path is not always clear or straightforward.  By turning to prayer, laying out our complaints, and boldly asking, we are brought by God to a place of growing trust in him” (Vroegop, p.84).

“Whatever you do, don’t stop making this turn toward trust.  Learn to live in the tension of pain beyond belief and divine sovereignty beyond comprehension by stepping into trust” (Vroegop, p.84).

“Tear-filled prayers, wrestling through tough questions, and banking my life on the promises of God are all part of the journey to keep me trusting.  Learning to lament leads to trust” (Vroegop, p.85).

“Through turning to God in prayer, laying out our complaints, and asking boldly for God’s help, we are led to place our trust in a God who cares for us and hears us” (Vroegop, p.85).

“Learning to lament gives us the grace to keep trusting” (Vroegop, p.85).

“In lament we affirm what we believe…In our fear and confusion, lament leads us back to what we know to be true:  ‘Despite what I see, despite what I feel, God is good.’  Lament helps us to interpret pain through the lens of God’s character and his ultimate mercy…Lament is the language that moves us from our sorrow toward the truth of God’s promises” (Vroegop, p.119).

“When brokenness becomes your life, lament helps you to turn to God.  It lifts your head and turns your tear-filled eyes toward the only hope you have:  God’s grace” (Vroegop, p.142).

Don't stop trusting God in the midst of your suffering!  Turn to Him in lament, and let him help you start trusting again!

Lament Explored: Part III: Lament Contrasted

 Note:  This is Part III of my 5-Part exploration of Lament.  Use the links below to read my previous posts.  

Part I:  What is Lament?

Part II: What does Lament do?

Part III: Lament Contrasted

Part IV:  Trust Born From Lament

Part V: How to Lament

Part III:  Lament Contrasted

“Life is full of vexing questions related to God’s purposes.  Pain often highlights perplexing paradoxes.  Lament is expressed even though the tension remains” (Vroegop, p.95-96).

We can’t begin to understand the mind and heart of God, but we can be confident that His purposes are for our good and His glory, even when they don’t feel that way. 

Lament in many ways helps us reconcile the truths about God and what we are feeling in the deepest, darkest pit. 

As I have journeyed through lament, I have seen firsthand how contrasting outside realities can be from my inner realities or God’s realities.

When the storm rages around me and one bad thing after another falls on me seeking to suffocate the life out of me, lament leads me to an inner stillness that God is still in control, and His peace is still mine as I turn to him in complaint of my circumstances, asking for His deliverance, and reminding myself and Him of His unfailing promises.  When failed leadership and injustice knock the breath out of me, lament reminds me of the brokenness of the world I live in and the sharp contrast of my Shepherd leader King who is always just. On the days when dark clouds of loneliness feel so heavy, lament helps me realize that I am not alone and that God is right there with me walking alongside of me or carrying me when I am too weak to walk on my own.

In Dark Clouds Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament, Mark Vroegop makes many contrasting statements about lament that deserve a pause for meditation:

“Lament is not merely an expression of sorrow; it is a memorial” (Vroegop, p.90).

“Lament not only vocalizes the pain but can also memorialize the message beneath the struggle—if we’ll listen and not forget” (Vroegop, p.94).

“Lament doesn’t wait for resolution.  It gives voice to the tough questions before the final chapter is written” (Vroegop, p.96).

“Lament not only mourns the brokenness of suffering; it also looks expectantly toward what is yet to come” (Vroegop, p.116).

“Instead of running from the shame of sorrow, lament embraces it.  Lament looks through the fog for the grace of God’s remembrance.  The road map to grace involves an appeal for God to remember while at the same time rehearsing the pain” (Vroegop, p.144).

“Lament is never a song you set out to sing.  But in the discovery of lament, everyone can find grace for the pains of life” (Vroegop, p.172).

Lament is necessary to make sense of a life of juxtapositions. Lament helps us make sense of this confusing, broken world.  Lament helps us come out on the other end of grief and sorrow to the promise of unending joy and gladness in our life yet to come.

“In lament, we are honest with the struggles of life while also reminding ourselves that God never stops being God.  His steadfast love never ends.  He is sufficient.  Therefore, our hope is not in a change of circumstances but in the promises of a God who never stops being merciful—even when dark clouds loom.  His mercy never ceases” (Vroegop, p.113-114).

Lament Explored: Part II: What does Lament do?

Note:  This is Part II of my 5-Part exploration of Lament.  Use the link below to read my previous post.  

Part I:  What is Lament?

Part II: What does Lament do?

Part III: Lament Contrasted

Part IV:  Trust Born From Lament

Part V: How to Lament

Part II:  What does Lament do?

“Lament can tune your heart to seek more than just the removal of pain.  It invites us to say ‘remember, O LORD,’ ‘you reign,’ and ‘restore us.’  And in our asking for God to deliver us, it can also lead us to the greatest need of all: our need to be right with God” (Vroegop, p.150).

Thanks for continuing this lament journey with me.  It is my prayer that these truths become a balm to your soul as you walk your own journey in lament.

Continuing in Dark Clouds Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament, Mark Vroegop tells us many things that lament does:

Lament…

• “keeps us turning toward trust by giving us language to step into the wilderness between our painful reality and our hopeful longings” (Vroegop, p.77).
• “calls us to point our hearts Godward by rejoicing in God’s grace…Entering lament leads to rejoicing” (Vroegop, p.81).
• “creates a path through the messy wilderness of pain” (Vroegop, p.84).
• “can provide mercy when dark clouds loom” (Vroegop, p.84).
• “pivot[s] on God’s promises” (Vroegop, p.85).
• “can be a prism through which we see a path for growth” (Vroegop, p.90).
• “tunes the heart so it can sing about trust” (Vroegop, p.83).
• “can retune our hearts to what’s really important.  It can invite us to consider what lies underneath our lives—what really matters” (Vroegop, p.92).
• “invite[s] us to consider lessons emerging from the rubble” (Vroegop, p.100).
• “gives you eyes to see the brokenness around you” (Vroegop, p.103).
• “can awaken our souls from apathy.  It can help us as we intentionally mourn the devastating effects of sin in our lives and the world” (Vroegop, p.103).
• “can be a welcome wake-up call—a memorial—to the brokenness of the world and the holiness of God” (Vroegop, p.104).
• “has the potential to turn our hearts Godward as wee sing in a minor key about our individual and corporate need for God’s mercy” (Vroegop, p.104).
• “reminds us that the problem with the world is sin, and God is the only one who can make it right” (Vroegop, p.104).
• “dares to hope while life is hard” (Vroegop, p.110).
• “can help you by rehearsing the truth of the Bible—to preach to your heart, to interpret pain through the lens of God’s character and ultimate mercy” (Vroegop, p.111).
• “helps us to dare to hope again, and again, and again” (Vroegop, p.112).
• “can turn our hearts toward a future victory.  Through tears, we can still believe that the final word has not been spoken” (Vroegop, p.117).
• “can remind us that pain has a purpose” (Vroegop, p.118).
• “penetrates the vault of our self-sufficiency and shows us the spiritual bankruptcy of trusting in financial security” (Vroegop, p.127).
• “calls us to not ignore the cries of our culture” (Vroegop, p.132).
• “shows us how to think and what to pray when our idols become clear” (Vroegop, p.137).
• “identifies the way back to God and even the gospel itself.  Lament can be a road map to God’s grace” (Vroegop, p.140).
• “affirms God’s sovereignty when dark clouds linger” (Vroegop, p.147).
• “brings comfort to the mourning bench by refusing to pretend ‘everything’s fine’ or to remain distant.  Lament sits close” (Vroegop, p.162).
• “provides a helpful structure for a hurting person to process pain and feelings” (Vroegop, p.165).
• “helps us find the balance between an appropriate desire for justice and the command to be merciful while having a forgiving spirit” (Vroegop, p.167).
• “gives us a language for godly sorrow and a reason to hope again” (Vroegop, p.168).
• “can shine the light on what we need to confess.  It can remind us how much we need God’s grace” (Vroegop, p.169).
• “can provide language to express the depth of sorrow while leading us to hope, praise, and trust” (Vroegop, p.178).
• “has the potential to provide a first step toward uniting people when hurt and misunderstanding are in the air” (Vroegop, p.184).
• “can be the language we use to weep with those who weep” (Vroegop, p.185).
• “tunes our heart to truths undergirding our lives and the world in which we live…Lament is how we tunnel our way to truth” (Vroegop, p.190).
• “gives us hope because it gives us a glimpse of the truth” (Vroegop, p.192).
• “vocalizes a desire for justice that is unfulfilled” (Vroegop, p.193).
• “allows us to hear the brokenness around us, weep with those who weep, and walk with them on the long road of sorrow” (Vroegop, p.194).

 Lament also helps us to realize that we do not belong to this world and helps expose the depths of our own sin:

“Lamenting the toppling of our cultural idols can reorient Christian exiles as to what King and what kingdom we were supposed to long for” (Vroegop, p.136).

“Practicing lament can facilitate personal confession and a greater sensitivity to sin” (Vroegop, p.168).

I have deeply felt the truth of this final statement these past few months:

“When God strips you of everything, and all you have is him, you have enough.  Therefore, lament can awaken you to the truth of God’s hesed [God’s covenant love for His people].  It can remind you that God is everything you really need” (Vroegop, p.113).

Lament Explored: Part I: What is Lament?

 “A broken world will bring its share of grief, but it can also bring wisdom if we are willing to slow down, listen, and learn” (Vroegop, p.100).

As I have journeyed in lament these last several months, I have been amazed by all that I have learned about God and myself as I reflect on the pain, turn to God, and cry out to Him in the midst of my deepest sorrows.  While I do not like the pain one bit and long to see light at end of this very long tunnel, I am grateful that these months of darkness have not been wasted, and that God has been my source of light over and over again keeping me from stumbling in my darkness. 

I’ve never really thought much about lament.  The first time I even considered lament was in 2022 when a dear friend encouraged me to read Ragged: Spiritual Disciplines for the Spiritually Exhausted by Gretchen Ronnevik.  I’ve never considered lamenting to be a discipline of grace not to mention be a part of my life.  In fact, as a child, I was told by my pastor that I shouldn’t question God but just trust Him.  That never made sense to me as I studied God’s Word, particularly the Psalms, where the psalmists often boldly questioned God.

This journey in lament has been an awakening to the goodness of God in the midst of the hard times.  Lament has given voice and words to my prayers when all I could do was groan initially.  At the start of my lament journey, I began to read Dark Clouds Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament by Mark Vroegop.  I have learned so much, and I don’t ever want to forget it, so I’ve been doing a lot of note taking, journaling, and praying my own prayers of lament or using one of the psalmist’s when I can’t seem to find the words myself.  I want to share what I have learned with others to help them find comfort in the midst of their sorrows.  Because there is so much to share, I am breaking down my thoughts into several parts and basing my content off of Vroegop’s wonderful book on Lament:

Part I:  What is Lament?

Part II: What does Lament do?

Part III: Lament Contrasted

Part IV:  Trust Born From Lament

Part V: How to Lament

“Whatever the reason, loss can feel like a wasteland.  It’s devastating.  But lament helps us to rehearse biblical truth so hope will return.  Despite what you see, despite what you feel, despite what you think, lament can be a supply of grace as you affirm that God’s mercies are new every day” (Vroegop, p.106-107).

Come journey with me!

Part I:  What is Lament?

Ryan Higginbottom defines lament nicely for us:  “A lament is a prayer expressing sorrow, pain, or confusion.  Lament should be the chief way Christians process grief in God’s presence.”

(Biblical Lament: What it is and How to Do It by Ryan Higginbottom. June 13, 2022. https://openthebible.org/article/biblical-lament-what-it-is-and-how-to-do-it/#:~:text=What%20is%20Lament%3F,process%20grief%20in%20God's%20presence.)

In Dark Clouds Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament, Mark Vroegop gives us several definitions of Lament:

Lament is…

• “a minor-key language for my suffering” (Vroegop, p.17).
• “a place to learn” (Vroegop, p.91).
• “a journey through the shock and awe of pain” (Vroegop, p.96).
• “the song we sing while living in a world that is under the curse of sin” (Vroegop, p.99).
• “an uncomfortable yet helpful teacher” (Vroegop, p.100).
• “one of the ways that a heart is tuned toward God’s perspective” (Vroegop, p.103).
• “the language of those stumbling in their journey to find mercy in dark clouds” (Vroegop, p.108).
• “a prayer of faith despite your fear” (Vroegop, p.110).
• “the language that calls us, as exiles, to uncurl our fingers from our objects of trust” (Vroegop, p.123).
• “the song you sing when diving blessing seems far away” (Vroegop, p.136).
• “a prayer in pain that leads to trust” (Vroegop, p.158).
• “the prayer language for those who are struggling with sadness” (Vroegop, p.162).
• “a means of grace, no matter what trial you face.  This biblical song of sorrow can become a personal pathway for mercy when darkness has settled in” (Vroegop, p.170).
• “the language of loss as we grieve together” (Vroegop, p.187).
• “how we experience grace no matter what we face” (Vroegop, p.191).
• “the language that helps you believe catastrophe can become eucatastrophe [Tolkein’s word for ‘unexpected appearance of goodness’].  It vocalizes the pain of the moment while believing that helps is on the way” (Vroegop, p.192). 

Consider these final thoughts:

“Through all the pain, the questions, the unfair treatment at the hands of others, and the injustice, lament leads us to a place of worship” (Vroegop, p.83).

“Lament is how you live between a hard life and God’s promises.  It is how we learn to sing and worship when suffering comes our way” (Vroegop, p.84).

“Lament prayers cry out to God and ask him for deliverance: ‘God, this hurts! Please help me!’” (Vroegop, p. 148).

“Dark clouds can yield deep mercy as lament leads to Christ” (Vroegop, p.152).

“Regardless of the pain, lament is always the God-given path through grief” (Vroegop, p.165).