Part 2: Joyfully living life to its fullest in Plan A (because there is no Plan B)

So, at the end of Part 1, I asked the question:  How could a God of love decree so much suffering?  Well, I am going to start answering that by using passages of scripture and quotes from Joni Eareckson Tada and Steven Estes's book that I am currently reading: When God Weeps: Why Our Sufferings Matter to the Almighty.

I want to first establish God's omnipotence and sovereignty that Steve brings out in Chapter 6.

Daniel 4:34c-35 - "...for his dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom endures from generation to generation; all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, 'What have you done?'" (ESV)
Psalm 33:10-11 - "The LORD brings the counsel of the nations to nothing; he frustrates the plans of the peoples. The counsel of the LORD stands forever, the plans of his heart to all generations." (ESV)

To sum up what Steve says, God doesn't just permit or allow suffering, but He decrees it and acts deliberately.  

Some other verses Steve shares in chapter 5 indicate this fact as well:

Psalm 139:15-16 - "My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." (ESV)
Lamentations 3:37-38 - "Who has spoken and it came to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that good and bad come?" (ESV)
Exodus 4:11  - "Then the LORD said to [Moses], 'Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD'?" (ESV)

God even ordained and decreed the suffering of His one and only Son, Jesus Christ, the one who is part of the trinity-God's being:
Acts 4:27-28 - "for truly in this city there were gathered together against your holy servant Jesus, whom you anointed, both Herod and Pontius Pilate, along with the Gentiles and the peoples of Israel, to do whatever your hand and your plan had predestined to take place." (ESV)

Job recognized God's sovereign decree in his suffering:
“...The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” (Job 1:21 ESV)
“Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” (Job 2:10b ESV)
“...And [his brothers and sisters and all who had known him before] showed him sympathy and comforted him for all the evil that the LORD had brought upon him...” (Job 42:11b ESV)

Steve sums up God's omnipotence and sovereignty well:
"But in simple language, God runs the world. 'The LORD works out everything for his own ends--even  the wicked...''Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.' (Proverbs 16:4; Psalm 115:3)." (p. 76, Tada and Estes)

I encourage you to read When God Weeps to get the full meat of this matter.  Steve does a wonderful job of laying it all out there.  So, it is clear that God has ordained the suffering in my life as well as my children and everyone else in this world, but does God care about our suffering? Stay tuned for Part 3!

Part 1: Joyfully living life to its fullest in Plan A (because there is no Plan B)

Recently, I have been convicted by what follows part of a verse that I claim daily (..."My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." - II Corinthians 12:9a, NIV).

"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." (II Corinthians 12:9b-10, NIV, emphasis mine)

Ouch!  I certainly can't say that I boast gladly in my weaknesses. I definitely don't delight in my weaknesses, insults, hardships, or difficulties either.  While I don't feel as if I am currently undergoing persecution, I still remember my growing up years of going to a Christian school where I was made fun of for being loving God, witnessing, and choosing to be like Christ rather than the world.  Because I felt that it was more important to love Jesus rather than be like the other high school girls and faun over boys and go out on dates, I was accused of being a homosexual.  While that kind of persecution doesn't hold a candle to my brothers and sisters who are so dear to me in the Middle East not to mention other parts of the world, I still didn't delight in being mocked, falsely accused, and ostracized.  No one likes to feel lonely.

Maybe it's the increasing struggles I am facing with our kids or maybe it's been the fact that since celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary in June and discussing how different our lives have turned out to be from the plans we had when we got married, but I have been doing a lot of reflecting and introspection lately.  I sometimes struggle with the why's of how nothing can be easy for us.  Our boys' health and well-being are a challenge daily and nothing seems to be a simple fix.  There's the ongoing battles of services, therapies, insurances, and medication management.  Raising two kids with special needs is not easy, but God's grace is sufficient.  However, I have discovered that I need to take it a step further as Paul did.  I need to delight in these struggles God has ordained in my life.  I have begun the next step of processing what that looks like and how to actually do that.

Since I am enjoying a little time away with my husband from my daily struggles as Tim's parents graciously care for the boys, I decided it's time to put my thoughts into written words, which always helps me to process and solidify what God is teaching me and how He is changing my heart. As I sit here on a comfortable bench with beautiful blue sky above me and palm trees waving in the delightful breeze, I feel the words just pouring out of my soul.

My view as I type

I have recently finished reading Joni Eareckson Tada's book The God I Love.  I highly recommend it.  Joni is wonderful with words, is so completely transparent with her struggles, and has wonderful insight about why God allows suffering.  As a result of reading that book, I have begun to read a book she wrote with her friend Steve Estes, who pastors a church in the town where we live: When God Weeps: Why Our Sufferings Matter to the Almighty.  This book has been transformational in the way I think and has helped to resolve a problem in my own mind with how to address suffering in relation to God's love and design for our lives.

God is sovereign.  Therefore, everything that happens in my life, including all of my suffering, happens as a result of his design.  That means that there is only one plan for me, and no circumstance can change that.  There is no such thing as plan B or C for my life. I need to stop living with "what ifs"  and start living in "what is" and learn to delight in it.  How could a God of love decree so much suffering? Stay tuned for Part 2.

Reflections on the Path of our Married Life

On June 8, Tim and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. My parents and sister were in town and took care of the boys so we could go out and have some much-needed "alone time" without having to worry about the boys. It was so refreshing to have quality time alone to talk about life, reflect on the past, and plan for the future. We went to St. Peter’s village for lunch and a hike through some great hiking trails.

We came up to a falling apart railroad beam bridge during our hike. We spent a bit of time there so that I could have fun taking some pictures (Tim is so gracious to humor me in my photography pastime). Beyond the bridge lay a really neat trail that really struck me in its beauty but also got me thinking about our lives.

The trail was so straight after walking a curvy trail leading up to that point. The trail curtained in luscious green. The path was level with small pebbles keeping the forest growth from overtaking the trail making the path slightly bumpy but far from treacherous.

It would be so nice to have our life be reflective of this trail – Beautiful green scenery, a straight path allowing you to see where you are going as far as the eye can see, the footpath slightly bumpy to keep things interesting but not enough to cause injury or stumbling. So far, our married life has been the opposite of these details. Our path has been so windy that we can hardly see around the bend in front of us. There have been times when the trail has been so bleak and barren that life had seemed to be sucked out of the area. Instead of small rocks lining our path, we’ve had sharp boulders causing hardships and struggles and pain as we try to continue to navigate the trail.

As I reflected on these visible and imagined images, I several thoughts came to mind:

• If beauty and ease always abounded, we would quickly take our path for granted, and we beauty would become mediocrity. 
• If the path were so easy, we wouldn’t have to rely on God for help to climb the boulders blocking our way. 
• We wouldn’t be as strong as we are today or have the endurance without the hardships to exercise our faith, physical bodies, emotional centers, and psychological well-being. 

So in conclusion, has life been really hard? Absolutely! If we could plan out our own lives, would we change the path we have tread? Perhaps slightly- maybe not so many boulders to climb all at once - give ourselves a chance to catch our breath once in a while. However, we really have no regrets because we realize that all that we have been through has been a result of our Designer’s plan to work all things for our good and His glory and to bring us to an expected end. Do we want to change the course of our future path? No way! 

God has proved his faithfulness to us in the past 12 years. He can continue to be faithful to us in the next 12 years and beyond. I am thankful to have not walked this rough path alone. With God and Tim at my side, I can keep on walking until I reach "the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:14).