If you have known me over the last eight years, you probably have known that I have been working part time as a pediatric trach/vent nurse working in home health care helping to keep these medically fragile kids out of the hospital. I have loved my job and the many wonderful people I have met through it. My patients over the years remain so dear to my heart. They feel like an extension of my family.
If you've known me over the last almost two years, you will know that I have been unable to work as a pediatric nurse due to injuring my lower back while lifting a patient. The last two years have been difficult for me as I missed my patients and longed to be able to work again. Even more so than that, I have had to learn to adjust to my new normal in which I experience chronic lower back pain. There has not been a day since the injury two years ago in which I have been pain-free. If you've known me for any length of time, you know that I struggle to sit still or be inactive. The back pain has done a lot to slow me down and has changed my ability to do the things that I used to enjoy doing. Also, the extent of my injury puts me in a risky situation where I could potentially be paralyzed if I further injure the area. That fear alone has kept me from going against doctor's orders over the last two years. Part of those doctor's orders have included weight lifting restrictions. From here on out, I can only safely lift 20 pounds from the floor to my chest level without further injuring my back. What frustrates me the most is that in my therapy, I had been advancing in my ability to lift and was almost at 30 pounds that first year until I was suddenly forced out of physical therapy by the workman's comp insurance. After acquiring a lawyer and getting re-instated into physical therapy, I found out that I had significantly regressed in my ability to lift, and the worsening of the radiating pain down my leg was discovered to be permanent nerve damage that most likely occurred from the sudden stop of physical therapy. I have worked hard in therapy since but was discharged this past December after reaching a plateau and resulting in my permanent restrictions of only lifting 20 pounds.
That being said, I have had a hard time finding a job where I can work as a nurse because of the weight restrictions. I have yet to find an employer who wants to take a chance on me writing me off as too much of a liability. I don't know what the future holds or what God has in store for me, but I trust Him to carry out His perfect plan. Tomorrow, I will be forced to resign from my job as a nurse with my current employer as part of the demands for settlement. As I sign that paperwork at my hearing, I will be closing out another chapter of my life. I am sad to see it go, but I am excited to see what God has in store for me as I begin a new chapter.
Tuesday, January 22, 2019
Monday, December 24, 2018
A Weary World Rejoices
Peace, Joy, Love, Good News, Hope—all are typical salutations and greetings that get tossed around as people wish one another Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays—words we so often take for granted yet don’t often take time to think about what they mean.
As another tough year comes to an end for our family, I have had to think very deeply about these words and seek to understand and see their meaning in our current circumstances. For those who are currently or have recently experienced trials and hardships, these words may fall empty on them as well—perhaps it’s the death of a loved one or loss of a job, maybe it’s a rift in the family, or maybe it’s a serious health issue. Can these words ring true even for these individuals? After much reflection on that question along with what I learned from my women’s Bible study on I Peter I went to this Fall, I would emphatically say yes, those words can ring true if that individual is a believer. Because I am a believer in Jesus Christ, they can ring true for me despite the deep, dark trials that seek to drown me.
PEACE – If you are in the midst of trials, how can you have peace? We have the promise of Isaiah 26:3: “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Jesus gives us peace not as the world gives, but He gives peace so that we don’t have to have hearts that are troubled or afraid (John 14:27). Philippians 4:5b-7 says: “…the Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” In I Peter 3:11b-12a, Peter reminds us to “seek peace and pursue it. The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears attend to their prayer.” He goes on to tell us in 5:7 to “[cast—throw upon, give up to God] all your anxieties on [God], because he cares for us].” Peter exhorts us throughout his first epistle to be humble in respect to God and all other relationships. Here in chapter 5, he exhorts us to humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God. If we are humbling ourselves to God, we are giving Him complete control in our lives. This has been a work in progress for me over this last year as I come to terms with not having control over the situations in my life and that of my family’s. If I do humble myself and give complete control to God (which He already has whether I want Him to or not), then I can have peace. I have no need to have anxiety or worry. Peace is mine in the midst of my trials just as it was to the believers Peter was writing to who were aliens and strangers in a land where they were hiding from persecution. Jesus came to this earth as a baby so that He can give and leave His peace with us (John 14:27).
JOY – The Bible commands us to REJOICE in suffering (Romans 5:3-4) and consider the various trials we face “pure joy” (James 1:2-4). Our family is broken and hurting, our relationships are strained, we are filled with sadness and grief. Why can I have joy in that? I Peter tells me why: God has called me out of darkness and into His marvelous light (I Peter 2:5); Christ died for my sins, the just for the unjust, to bring me to God (I Peter 3:18); and Jesus’ blood has removed the stain of my sin so I can stand before Him (I Peter 3:18). So, I don’t need to be “surprised at the fiery ordeal” but can keep on rejoicing (I Peter 4:12-13). After I “have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called [me] to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish” me (5:10). No trial can rob me of the joy that comes through Christ who came to this world as a baby to bring Joy to this world.
LOVE – We know the betrayal of love on many levels, yet we are told to “keep fervent in [our] love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins (I Peter 4:8). God knew betrayed love. We were created by Him in His image, yet we left our first love. We rejected Him and chose sin. Because of this betrayal, God had to send His only Son to Earth as a baby only to grow up and die for us so that we can be bought back (redeemed) and restored to our first love (justification). This was love in action. Jesus laid down His life so that we could live—love that took Him to the cross. This love continues in the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit in our lives as we are perfected so that one day, we will be glorified when we see God face to face. I Peter is so rich in reminding us of the love that led to our justification, sanctification, and glorification.
GOOD NEWS – As news we have been receiving about our loved one becomes bleaker and more distressing, we find ourselves doubting that we will ever hear good news. However, we have Good News in our life because of Christ. We are “chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father by the sanctifying work of the Spirit, to obey Jesus Christ and be sprinkled with His blood,” which is why Peter can then say, “May grace and peace be yours to the fullest measure.” (I Peter 1:1-2). Because God chose us, we are “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession so that [we] may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called [us] out of darkness into His marvelous light” (I Peter 2:9), and we come to Christ as a “living stone…choice and precious in the sight of God” (I Peter 2:4). The Good News of great joy that the angels came to share with the shepherds was that a Savior, Christ the Lord and God in flesh has been born. Jesus has come to rescue His people! As John Piper so eloquently reminded us in his devotional “Christmas Solidarity:”
HOPE – Life’s circumstances may leave you feeling utterly hopeless at times, but no matter how dark our day or deep our valley, we as believers always have hope. This hope is the “joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation” (Thayer’s Greek Lexicon). We are “born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for [us]” (I Peter 1:3b-4). In this we “greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary [we] have been distressed by various trials so that the proof of [our] faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (I Peter 1:6-7). Therefore, we can “fix [our] hope [confident and joyful expectation] completely on the grace to be brought to [us] at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (I Peter 1:13b). Hope that the Jews had in the coming of a Messiah was fulfilled in the birth of the baby Jesus. Our Hope for salvation began at that same baby’s birth, and we look forward to the day it will be fulfilled at His second coming!
Who knew I Peter could give insight into the blessings of Christmas? I sure didn’t until I spent these last several months digging deep into the book allowing God to use it to remind me of the peace, joy, love, good news, and hope in Him that I have through Christ. As you celebrate Christ’s birth this Christmas, I pray you are reminded of the peace, joy, love, good news, and hope you have in Christ, and if you don’t yet have these, I pray that you find this great Savior for yourself so that you too can know and forever have His peace, joy, love, good news, and hope in your life!
Merry Christmas! God be praised!
As another tough year comes to an end for our family, I have had to think very deeply about these words and seek to understand and see their meaning in our current circumstances. For those who are currently or have recently experienced trials and hardships, these words may fall empty on them as well—perhaps it’s the death of a loved one or loss of a job, maybe it’s a rift in the family, or maybe it’s a serious health issue. Can these words ring true even for these individuals? After much reflection on that question along with what I learned from my women’s Bible study on I Peter I went to this Fall, I would emphatically say yes, those words can ring true if that individual is a believer. Because I am a believer in Jesus Christ, they can ring true for me despite the deep, dark trials that seek to drown me.
PEACE – If you are in the midst of trials, how can you have peace? We have the promise of Isaiah 26:3: “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Jesus gives us peace not as the world gives, but He gives peace so that we don’t have to have hearts that are troubled or afraid (John 14:27). Philippians 4:5b-7 says: “…the Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” In I Peter 3:11b-12a, Peter reminds us to “seek peace and pursue it. The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears attend to their prayer.” He goes on to tell us in 5:7 to “[cast—throw upon, give up to God] all your anxieties on [God], because he cares for us].” Peter exhorts us throughout his first epistle to be humble in respect to God and all other relationships. Here in chapter 5, he exhorts us to humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God. If we are humbling ourselves to God, we are giving Him complete control in our lives. This has been a work in progress for me over this last year as I come to terms with not having control over the situations in my life and that of my family’s. If I do humble myself and give complete control to God (which He already has whether I want Him to or not), then I can have peace. I have no need to have anxiety or worry. Peace is mine in the midst of my trials just as it was to the believers Peter was writing to who were aliens and strangers in a land where they were hiding from persecution. Jesus came to this earth as a baby so that He can give and leave His peace with us (John 14:27).
JOY – The Bible commands us to REJOICE in suffering (Romans 5:3-4) and consider the various trials we face “pure joy” (James 1:2-4). Our family is broken and hurting, our relationships are strained, we are filled with sadness and grief. Why can I have joy in that? I Peter tells me why: God has called me out of darkness and into His marvelous light (I Peter 2:5); Christ died for my sins, the just for the unjust, to bring me to God (I Peter 3:18); and Jesus’ blood has removed the stain of my sin so I can stand before Him (I Peter 3:18). So, I don’t need to be “surprised at the fiery ordeal” but can keep on rejoicing (I Peter 4:12-13). After I “have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called [me] to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish” me (5:10). No trial can rob me of the joy that comes through Christ who came to this world as a baby to bring Joy to this world.
LOVE – We know the betrayal of love on many levels, yet we are told to “keep fervent in [our] love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins (I Peter 4:8). God knew betrayed love. We were created by Him in His image, yet we left our first love. We rejected Him and chose sin. Because of this betrayal, God had to send His only Son to Earth as a baby only to grow up and die for us so that we can be bought back (redeemed) and restored to our first love (justification). This was love in action. Jesus laid down His life so that we could live—love that took Him to the cross. This love continues in the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit in our lives as we are perfected so that one day, we will be glorified when we see God face to face. I Peter is so rich in reminding us of the love that led to our justification, sanctification, and glorification.
GOOD NEWS – As news we have been receiving about our loved one becomes bleaker and more distressing, we find ourselves doubting that we will ever hear good news. However, we have Good News in our life because of Christ. We are “chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father by the sanctifying work of the Spirit, to obey Jesus Christ and be sprinkled with His blood,” which is why Peter can then say, “May grace and peace be yours to the fullest measure.” (I Peter 1:1-2). Because God chose us, we are “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession so that [we] may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called [us] out of darkness into His marvelous light” (I Peter 2:9), and we come to Christ as a “living stone…choice and precious in the sight of God” (I Peter 2:4). The Good News of great joy that the angels came to share with the shepherds was that a Savior, Christ the Lord and God in flesh has been born. Jesus has come to rescue His people! As John Piper so eloquently reminded us in his devotional “Christmas Solidarity:”
Christmas is good news for man and good news for God.Jesus came to lead a revolt against Satan. That revolt started at his birth, and that is GREAT NEWS for us! Mary and Joseph were told to call their Son “Jesus,” “for He will save His people from their sins” and “Immanuel,” which means “God with us” (Matthew 1:21, 23). We don’t just have Good News, we have GREAT NEWS, and nothing can take that away from us!
"The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners" (I Timothy 1:15). That’s good news for us.
"The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil" (I John 3:8). That is also good news for God.”
HOPE – Life’s circumstances may leave you feeling utterly hopeless at times, but no matter how dark our day or deep our valley, we as believers always have hope. This hope is the “joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation” (Thayer’s Greek Lexicon). We are “born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for [us]” (I Peter 1:3b-4). In this we “greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary [we] have been distressed by various trials so that the proof of [our] faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (I Peter 1:6-7). Therefore, we can “fix [our] hope [confident and joyful expectation] completely on the grace to be brought to [us] at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (I Peter 1:13b). Hope that the Jews had in the coming of a Messiah was fulfilled in the birth of the baby Jesus. Our Hope for salvation began at that same baby’s birth, and we look forward to the day it will be fulfilled at His second coming!
Who knew I Peter could give insight into the blessings of Christmas? I sure didn’t until I spent these last several months digging deep into the book allowing God to use it to remind me of the peace, joy, love, good news, and hope in Him that I have through Christ. As you celebrate Christ’s birth this Christmas, I pray you are reminded of the peace, joy, love, good news, and hope you have in Christ, and if you don’t yet have these, I pray that you find this great Savior for yourself so that you too can know and forever have His peace, joy, love, good news, and hope in your life!
Merry Christmas! God be praised!
Tuesday, November 20, 2018
Celebrating a Birthday I Wasn't Predicted to Have
Today I celebrate another year of life. What's significant about that? I wasn't expected to be celebrating today. In fact, based on the doctor's predictions they shared with my husband almost a year ago, I wasn't supposed to live, yet here I am now entering my 40th year of life.
Predictions don't determine God's plans, and God had my days numbered before I was formed in my mother's womb. I will not die a day earlier than what was predetermined by Him in His sovereign will.
So, here I am celebrating the life I still have left to continue to serve God. When I didn't die there in the hospital when they discovered I had severe acute hyponatremia (sudden, low sodium levels) and thought they were too late, and when I woke up after being unresponsive for 24 hours exactly and discovered that I was in an ICU and had been hooked up to a ventilator, I knew there was a reason why I was still here and not in heaven. As the painfully slow days of my recovery turned into a few months with my making a surprising and unpredicted near-complete recovery from the damage done to my heart and brain from the low sodium levels, I realized that God still has work for me to do for His kingdom.
 |
| My continued unresponsive state after being removed from the ventilator |
I don't understand all that God is doing in my life or what He expects from me, but I do know that He has called me to live each day for His glory as I love Him and follow His commands. As family trials have continued to be difficult over the last year making the past two years the most difficult ones of our lives, I can't say that there haven't been times that I have wished I had died that day or wondered why I couldn't be free of these trials and be present with the Lord. Those thoughts have come and gone over the course of the year, but one thing I always come back to is that God's not done with me yet. When He is, then I will enter His presence.
In the meantime, I rejoice that I have breath to praise Him and energy to serve Him. I celebrate the life He has given to me and the course of life that He has ordained. God is good in the good times and the bad times. This year has been a time of growth in my trust in Him and His sovereignty as I learned in new ways to let go of my own plans and desires and let God be God. I love Him more today than I did a year ago. I know Him in a deeper and more intimate way today than at my last birthday. I hunger and thirst after His Word and His righteousness more than I ever have. They are my lifeline!
So today, I celebrate His work in my heart and life. I reflect on His sovereign plan for my life.
Because of God's faithfulness, I am here today celebrating a day others predicted I would never see. May He receive all of the glory and honor due Him.
Psalm 139:13-17:
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!"
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!"
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