Times of Celebration

In the midst of our struggles, we had the opportunity to celebrate God's work in David's life twice in the past week.  On Saturday, June 9, David played the violin in his first recital.  He was the youngest participant by far and did a wonderful job making us very proud of him and his accomplishments this year as he learned how to play the violin.

On Tuesday, June 12, he graduated from Kindergarten.  We have watched him blossom and grow academically, spiritually, and personally this year.  God has given him a wonderful spirit that has been a true blessing to us as parents, to our family, and to his teacher and classmates.  He was awarded the Gentle Character Award on Friday, June 8 by his teacher for his gentle spirit and responses during this school year.

We praise God for the wonderful gift of David Isaiah Russell!  With the intense battles this little child has had to face already in his short 5 years of life and his non-complaining spirit and determined disposition, we know that God has some amazing plans in store for this young man.  We are excited to watch God continue to mold and shape him according to His plan.  We feel blessed to be part of the process.

Under the Siege of the Lion

And the saga continues....The woes of the Russell household continue.  Things continue to be extremely difficult with Joshua and his battles with Autism and mental health issues.  We are constantly emotionally and physically drained by his all-consuming behaviors and melt-downs.  Nothing we do seems to help.  He's fully aware of his own struggles and is now coming to his own faith-crisis saying that he keeps praying and asking for God's help to make good choices but "God's not helping him" or "God doesn't seem to care."  Nothing we say seems to get through to him.  This week, Josh ended up being suspended for a day from school because his behavior got so out of control.  It is becoming so difficult to cling to any source of hope in this situation.

David's most recent infection is finally behind us, but he is back on a prophylactic antibiotic despite the weekly antibody treatments.  We are in limbo with the specialists now because the ENT felt that it would not be a good idea to proceed with the tonsillectomy now because of his condition even though for the past year this same ENT had been pressuring us to have the surgery done.  Instead he wants to do a weekly rotation of antibiotics where David will be on a different class of antibiotics every week for 4 weeks then repeat each month.  It's kind of a new, more complex idea of a prophylactic antibiotic treatment.  We are waiting to hear back from David's immune specialist to get his opinion on the matter.  Otherwise, we will need to go for a second opinion with another ENT.  The past several days David has become extremely emotional and easily upset/angered.  We are wondering if he is again starting to not feel well (this tends to be a going trend for him) or if everything going on with Joshua is finally starting to affect David since David has had to witness way too many traumatic events for a sweet, innocent 5 year old.

Not surprisingly, the headaches for me have become more intense, but with the amount of stress I've been up against, it's no wonder.  We also are not getting good sleep as often Josh or David are waking us up in the night, so sleep deprivation isn't helping either.

We have finally come to the conclusion that we are not just up against simple trials in which God is trying to teach us a lesson.  We are under direct attack from the Evil One, and he is working overtime to be relentless!  We have fallen under the siege of the Lion!  Each time we seriously pursued missions within the past 2 years, Satan has directly attacked our family hindering our ability to further pursue missions at that time.  As things had calmed down last Fall, we revisited the idea once again, and the next day, I woke up with the severe migraine pain in my head that has yet to fully leave.  In April, we were excited about the ways in which God revealed to us how we could serve doing short term work encouraging and building up believers through short term mission trips.  As soon as we made ourselves available to God for this work, the lion attacked us from all angles and has not let up!  It is easy to understand why the devil does not want the Gospel to go forth.

Jesus was aware of the evil one and prayed for His disciples to be protected from the evil one as He had sent them into the world (John 17:15).  The devil wants to attack everyone and anyone who is a servant of God because he hates righteousness.  Peter commands and warns:

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen."  (1 Peter 5:6-11 ESV)

Yes, the lion is trying to devour our family.  We are doing all we can to resist him, standing firm in our faith.  We are heavily relying on God's grace to sustain us and look forward to the day that He will restore and strengthen us.  Never before have we prayed so earnestly for Christ to return for His Bride!  We long for our eternal home where there will be no more pain or sorrow or suffering, and we can spend our days in God's presence worshiping at the feet of Jesus.

Until then, we must endure.  We must finish the race that has been set before us.  We must press on.  We can't do it alone.  We need the prayers of the saints, our brothers and sisters in Christ.  James 5:16 says, "...The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."  We need everyone to rally around us and pray that this cloud of darkness be lifted from over our household, that the power of Satan be weakened over our family, and that we be released from the stronghold of the lion.  Will you join us in this battle against the evil one and rejoice with us in the victory that is ours because we serve the Lion of Judah who has conquered (Revelation 5:5), and "we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us" (Romans 8:31-39)?

Holding On: When it's all you can do

Our family has had a rough past year and a half, but the last month has been extremely difficult and honestly has brought me to my breaking point.  We came back from our amazing time in Turkey only to be faced with incredible challenges with Joshua, our oldest who has been struggling with his Autism and related mental health issues since February when he had to be hospitalized at that point.  We have had multiple medical consults, behavioral specialist consults, medication adjustments, and meetings with our pastor, but yet things continue to spiral out of hand and we find ourselves desperately at a loss with how to deal with our son.  Our biggest fear is that we are going to lose him because of his behavior/anger issues.

I had a repeat brain MRI the week I returned to the States which showed that my brain lesion has grown slightly and is now lighting up with the contrast dye.  In addition, two new spots are forming in my frontal lobe of my brain.  My neurologist is convinced I have Multiple Sclerosis (MS) even though I don't have any other symptoms of the disease and had a negative lumbar puncture back in November when I was hospitalized.  She is sending me to a MS specialist at Jefferson University Hospital who I will see July 16 to get his take on the whole situation.  Even if it is MS, it does not explain my constant headaches/migraines since Nov. 1 which have prevented me from being pain-free longer than 4-5 hours on a good day.  My neurologist has basically given up on trying to find an explanation for the headaches and is content to keep me on the seizure medicine I have been on since January which causes neuropathy symptoms that I have to live with and that become intolerable if I take a higher dose to try to be pain-free from headache pain.

Then, there's sweet David who has been struggling physically once again the past few months, and has already had 2 serious infections since we returned back to the States.  He was infection-free from November-February, which is the longest stretch of time he has gone in his whole entire life.  Since then, he has had 5 bacterial infections with this last one giving us quite the scare this past week.  He had a really high fever (he went as high as 104.2) for 5 1/2 days straight despite starting an antibiotic the second day for tonsillitis.  He had been put on a prophylactic antibiotic the week before because of his increase of infections lately and had some blood work done to see how his antibody levels were doing.  Even with the prophylactic antibiotic, David came down with the tonsillitis, so his doctor did a throat culture just to make sure it was a bacterial infection.  It was a good thing he did that because when his fever persisted, his doctor sent him to the ER this past Thursday for a full work-up.  While we were in the ER, David's doctor got the throat culture results back showing his infection was from heavy growth of staph aureus (bacteria) which was sensitive to a different type of antibiotic.  So, David was discharged from the ER on the new antibiotic, and finally his fever cycle broke.  However, because he has had tonsillitis 9 times since last Spring, he now has to have a tonsillectomy (his 3rd surgery in his 5 years of life).  We meet with his ENT on Wednesday to schedule the surgery.

Tim is left to be the strong one to hold the rest of us together.  We are thankful he is strong and healthy. 

Needless to say, with everything going on, we have been feeling like we are constantly fighting to keep our heads above water, and we are weakening fast.  I feel like I have entered a spiritual desert.  I know God is with me.  His strength and grace are what carry me through each day and have allowed me to survive the past few weeks.  However, I am getting a first-hand experience of what David must has felt those times he wrote the Psalms that cry out to God asking Him where He is or why He had forsaken him.  Each time, David came around and acknowledged God's presence, but the feelings of God being distant were very real.  I totally understand how that feels.  My heart is hurting so much for my boys and their struggles that I find myself at a total loss for words when it comes to prayer.  I am glad that God knows my heart and my thoughts before I think them or say them.  I am glad that feeling God is distant is just that - a feeling.  I am glad that I know that God has not truly forsaken me and that God is with me each painful step of the way. 

I am reminded of the poem, "Footprints in the Sand" where when only one set of footsteps was seen it was because God was carrying the author.  I am definitely too weak to walk this path any longer on my own.  I am totally relying on God to carry me the rest of the way.  I look forward to the day when He gently lowers me back to the ground placing me and leading me beside the still waters (Psalm 23:2).