The difficult struggles we had with Josh this past month and the consequential repercussions in which we were dealing with David, Tim and I found ourselves in pure survival mode. We talked about how wonderful Heaven will be when all of these struggles will be behind us. We longed for the Lord to return and take us from our misery. My prayer each morning was, "God give me the strength and grace I need to get through this day."
Tripp says in his Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands book the following:
Many people in the midst of a struggle live as if they were spiritually homeless. They live the same survivalist, distracted, fearful, escapist, and "for the moment" existence. They do not think about growth and change or pursue the good things that are their inheritance as children of God. They just get through the day. They live as if they were poor, when in fact, they are amazingly rich.
When we live with a poverty identity, the problem is not that we ask too much of the Father, but that we settle for too little. We settle for hammering together some kind of spiritual survival with the hope that things will be better in eternity. But the Bible never presents our life on earth as a meaningless time of waiting for the good stuff that comes later. The biblical model of waiting is not simply about what you will get at the end of your wait, but about who you will become as you wait...(p. 263-264).
Tripp is talking about me! I had the survivalist, distracted, "for the moment" existence for the month of November. I walked, lived, and breathed in my survival mode. Instead of praying that God would use the current struggles to grow me in Him, make me a more usable instrument, or teach me truths about Him, I just prayed that God would help me survive and that the trials would end sooner rather than later.
I pray that this lesson I have now learned will stick with me, and as we continue to struggle through various issues with our boys and life, that I will remember to access the wealth that God has to offer NOW and ask God to use my trials to make me more like Him and use me in other people's lives to help point them to Christ. I am glad that despite my failures and weaknesses, God can still use me and grow me. He is at work daily in my life crafting me into a masterpiece!