Praying for Wisdom and Trying to be Joyful

"Count it all JOY, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
    If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him."
    James 1:2-5 ESV (emphasis added)

What a strong passage to swallow, yet so fitting to where we find ourselves! 

Lord, You know, I am trying to count all of these trials as joy, but it is so hard when I find myself on the verge of crying all of the time.  Help me to keep trusting You and find the joy in the midst of these trials.  The decisions I have to make daily are overwhelming.  I have no wisdom or understanding of my own.  I need Your wisdom.  Tim and I both do.  Lord, please give us Your wisdom in large amounts to make the right decisions for our son and for our family. We trust You to help us to make the right decisions and to help us press onward.  May You receive the honor and glory in and through us and the trials we face.  Amen.

We are praising the Lord that yesterday Joshua came home from the hospital after being there for 12 days.  However, the countless decisions and therapies will only continue.  We have an overwhelming task ahead of us.  We are grateful for those who stand behind us with prayer and encouragement.  It is so easy to let the decisions overwhelm us or let people discourage us by questioning our judgment.  We have to remember that yes, we lack wisdom, but we can turn to God for an unending supply of wisdom.  With God helping us to make the decisions that need to be made, we can rise above the difficult decisions because we are more than conquerors through Christ.  We do not need to fear man's opinion because we know that we act in the will of God because we act out of His wisdom instead of our own.  When we look at ourselves in that comfortable place of having God's unending supply of wisdom, we can truly have joy because there's no better place to be--in trials or out of them.

The Inner Struggles of the Mind

There’s nothing worse than watching your child go through unbearable suffering and be forced to sit there utterly helpless to do anything to relieve the suffering.

You pray for healing clinging to faith that is starting to waver as the situation goes from bleak to bleaker. Then to add injury to insult, you sit through church being reminded of the amazing miracles that Jesus performed during his earthly ministry. The account of Jesus healing the leper in Mark 1:40-42, reads: "A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, “If you are willing, you can make me clean.” Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!”  Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured." Jesus was willing! 

Knowing how much Jesus loved children and rebuked his disciples who tried to prevent the children from coming to him only makes it more difficult to understand why He could be willing to heal a leprous man but not be willing to heal my suffering 7 year old son.

The same Jesus who walked this earth is still capable of working a miraculous healing in my son’s body today as he did in the lives of those who live when He walked this earth. It is hard to understand the purposes of God and why He chooses to heal some and not heal others or why He chooses to allow some to suffer for a time before the healing takes place. Sometimes God chooses to show us His plan, and other times, He chooses to leave us in the dark and lead us blindly.

Whatever He does, we know it is for our good and for His glory.

I used to think that I can’t ask God “why.” I have learned that it’s ok to ask Him “why,” and that by asking Him why, it helps turn my focus toward Him more and listen more intently for an answer. The answer may not be what I would really like to hear, but God will always speak to His children. He does not keep silent to those who seek Him. Even Jesus asked God why as He hung on the cross dying for my sins when he in agony cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” He got His answer when He was reunited with His Father as a Victor who conquered death.

God’s answer to my question of “why” so far has been:

“Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10a)

“For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11, ESV). God has assured me that this goes for my son too.

So what do I do? The circumstances with my son are completely out of my control. I pray continually for God’s healing for my son, for God’s will to be done, for God to be glorified in the situation, for strength to carry on. I pray for our family to survive the continued attack of the evil one and for our faith to remain strong. I cry – a lot – I am human, after all. I rest in God’s peace and rely on His grace taking one day at a time.

I am a planner who is always stressing about the future. My pastor providentially shared with me recently the most important thing I needed to hear in order to cope with everything going on. He said, “Christine, you need to focus on what God’s will is for you to do today and do it.” I remind myself this multiple times a day, and this has helped me keep on keeping on. Sometimes, God’s will is simply for me to survive the day of taking care of my family by relying on His strength and grace, and if I can do that, then may He be praised! This has really helped to put life into perspective.

Remaining Unmoved

The Russell family continues to be buffeted by waves of tribulation of unmeasurable magnitude.  It seems that this last year has been one intense trial upon another without a chance for us to catch our breath.  We do not know what God has in store for us or what He is doing, but we rest assured that God remains in control and that He is working all of these things out for our good and for His glory (Romans 8:28).

We long to serve the Lord in full-time foreign missions, but it is clear that in this moment, that is not what God has for us.  He is simply working in each of our lives molding us to be who He wants us to be preparing us for the work He has called us to while using us for his Kingdom work as we go about our daily lives.  What He wants us to do in the future, He will lead us to do in His perfect timing.  For now, we remain unmoved while the storms rage around us from all sides, for that is all we can do.

"Our soul waits for the LORD;
        he is our help and our shield.
    For our heart is glad in him,
        because we trust in his holy name.
    Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us,
        even as we hope in you."
(Psalm 33:20-22 ESV)

As this current trial seeks to break down our family, threatens to weaken our physical bodies, shake our emotional states, and waver our trust in God, we have to keep our eyes on Christ the author and finisher of our faith as we continue to run this race of life that God has for us right now.

When it is hard to get up in the morning, I remember:

"But you, O LORD, are a shield about me,
my glory, and the lifter of my head.
I cried aloud to the LORD,
and he answered me from his holy hill. Selah
I lay down and slept;
I woke again, for the LORD sustained me."
(Psalm 3:3-5 ESV)

"But this I call to mind,
        and therefore I have hope:
    The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
        his mercies never come to an end;
    they are new every morning;
        great is your faithfulness."
(Lamentations 3:21-23 ESV)

The Lord recently encouraged Tim and me from a great passage in Habbkkuk of all places reminding us that no matter what happens or how desolate we feel, we can still rejoice in God our salvation.

"Though the fig tree should not blossom,
        nor fruit be on the vines,
    the produce of the olive fail
        and the fields yield no food,
    the flock be cut off from the fold
        and there be no herd in the stalls,
    yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
        I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
    GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
        he makes my feet like the deer's;
        he makes me tread on my high places."
(Habakkuk 3:17-19a ESV)

When we start to feel overwhelmed like the storm waters are starting to overflow, we must not fear and we must remember:

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
        and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
    when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
        and the flame shall not consume you.
    For I am the LORD your God,
        the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."
   (Isaiah 43:2-3a ESV)

 "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."      (2 Corinthians 4:16-18 ESV)

Please pray for our family as we face yet another trial that we would keep our eyes on the Lord.  That our faith would remain strong, that God would receive the glory, and that soon we would enjoy the restoring of our souls by the still and quiet waters (Psalm 23).