Saturday, February 25, 2012

The Inner Struggles of the Mind

There’s nothing worse than watching your child go through unbearable suffering and be forced to sit there utterly helpless to do anything to relieve the suffering.

You pray for healing clinging to faith that is starting to waver as the situation goes from bleak to bleaker. Then to add injury to insult, you sit through church being reminded of the amazing miracles that Jesus performed during his earthly ministry. The account of Jesus healing the leper in Mark 1:40-42, reads: "A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, “If you are willing, you can make me clean.” Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!”  Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured." Jesus was willing

Knowing how much Jesus loved children and rebuked his disciples who tried to prevent the children from coming to him only makes it more difficult to understand why He could be willing to heal a leprous man but not be willing to heal my suffering 7 year old son.

The same Jesus who walked this earth is still capable of working a miraculous healing in my son’s body today as he did in the lives of those who live when He walked this earth. It is hard to understand the purposes of God and why He chooses to heal some and not heal others or why He chooses to allow some to suffer for a time before the healing takes place. Sometimes God chooses to show us His plan, and other times, He chooses to leave us in the dark and lead us blindly.

Whatever He does, we know it is for our good and for His glory.

I used to think that I can’t ask God “why.” I have learned that it’s ok to ask Him “why,” and that by asking Him why, it helps turn my focus toward Him more and listen more intently for an answer. The answer may not be what I would really like to hear, but God will always speak to His children. He does not keep silent to those who seek Him. Even Jesus asked God why as He hung on the cross dying for my sins when he in agony cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” He got His answer when He was reunited with His Father as a Victor who conquered death.

God’s answer to my question of “why” so far has been:

“Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10a)

“For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11, ESV). God has assured me that this goes for my son too.

So what do I do? The circumstances with my son are completely out of my control. I pray continually for God’s healing for my son, for God’s will to be done, for God to be glorified in the situation, for strength to carry on. I pray for our family to survive the continued attack of the evil one and for our faith to remain strong. I cry – a lot – I am human, after all. I rest in God’s peace and rely on His grace taking one day at a time.

I am a planner who is always stressing about the future. My pastor providentially shared with me recently the most important thing I needed to hear in order to cope with everything going on. He said, “Christine, you need to focus on what God’s will is for you to do today and do it.” I remind myself this multiple times a day, and this has helped me keep on keeping on. Sometimes, God’s will is simply for me to survive the day of taking care of my family by relying on His strength and grace, and if I can do that, then may He be praised! This has really helped to put life into perspective.

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