|Me at 5 years old (my Kindergarten picture)|
|5 Years Old|
When I turned five, I faced a huge trial. I was molested by a deacon in my church, my Sunday School teacher’s husband. My world came crashing down, and I became a shy and frightened child afraid to talk about what happened to me and desperately afraid of and hateful toward the male race. That short moment changed the whole course of my life. In many ways, it robbed me of my childhood. Whenever I had to buy something at the store, I would choose a female cashier unless there were only males available. I would try to brace myself, but every time there was an innocent touch of my hand by a male cashier’s hand in the exchange of money, I would visibly shudder. This was an embarrassment to me and struggle for me until college. Prone to keep my feelings to myself, I harbored my pain and fears in my heart with God as my only source of comfort until everything came to a head my junior year of high school. I found out I was going to have the same male history teacher I had had the year before who consistently violated my very large personal space, so I tried desperately to get out of the class. Left the only options of having this teacher or giving my dad a good reason to not have him, my fears forced me to reveal what I had been harboring in my heart for all of those years. Despite the circumstances, I had to have this teacher in order to have the class and be able to graduate. Even though he was warned to keep his distance from me and I was allowed to sit in the back of the class, the year was difficult and forced me to cling to God even more.
|Me in 11th grade - Horses have been a huge passion of mine for pretty much all of my life|
|11th Grade - I had been training horses since 9th grade - Abi was the 3rd horse of my training career|
God used this time to help me come to terms with the whole ordeal and give my pain over to him. My struggles were out in the open, and I was finally ready to let go of the hate and let God start the healing work inside of me. Romans 8:28-39 became really meaningful to me and and comforted my disconsolate heart. Even a horrible act that I was victim to could not separate me from the love of God! God would work even this horrible thing out for my good and His glory! I told myself that from that point forward, I could live with the scars that event left in my life and let God lead me on. (This wouldn't be the end of God's work in this area - more on this later).
Romans 8:28-39: "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,'For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."