The Hungry Joy Thief and Master of Lies

He's at it yet again!  Who? Satan, the devil, the joy thief and master of lies, who is prowling around seeking all he can devour, and he's hungry! 

Time and time again, Satan comes after us right before we are going to do an act of service for God.  Preparing for a missions trip? He comes at us with all weapons aimed to kill.  In our darkest times as a family? He cuts deeper finding ways to make us bleed more, when we thought we had already bled out. Preparing to lead a Bible study?  He attacks our health making preparation that much more difficult.  It shouldn't surprise me each time Satan attacks, but somehow, it still always catches me off guard, and as I am in the midst of woes, I realize what is going on and double down yet again to not let him win.

This time, it's a double whammy as I accompany the Junior Choir at our church and as I prepare to lead a study on I Peter with some close Amish friends.  The study isn't even starting until January, but my midwifery schedule is extremely full next year, and I am worried that births will get in the way of my preparation, so I decided to start preparing and working ahead now so that I'm ready.  Before even realizing what was happening, in one fell swoop, I suffered a concussion (the 4th I've had in the last 4 years), ravaging my head with debilitating pain and making me so nauseated, I could hardly function.  Don't tell my body you are supposed to rest after getting a concussion, because within 2 hours of the concussion, I was trying not to vomit in the car as I raced off to a birth.  That was the first of 4 births I would then have in the next 31 hours (I ended up with 5 births in 4 days with just the first birth out of the way by the time I got the concussion).  I had to accompany the junior choir just over 48 hours after the concussion.  I had been dealing with numbness in my right leg and my right middle, ring, and pinky fingers since the night of the concussion, and of course I'd wake up Sunday morning with my left arm completely numb. How was I supposed to play the piano only feeling 2 of my 10 fingers?  Thankfully, prayer and some hypericum homeopathic helped me regain the feeling in my left arm and most of the feeling in my fingers of my right hand by the time I needed to play.  There have been so many demands on my time with births, multiple miscarriages, phone calls, problems and concerns, you name it!  Anything to keep me from having time to work on the study.  It's been so overwhelming.  In my exasperation, I asked out loud: "Why? Why is this happening? Why now?"  Tim quickly answered, "Christine, think about what you are doing!" It all dawned on me - I can't just serve God and coast through my service in ease, because Satan is out to devour me! As I try to recover from my concussion hoping that my supplements and God's grace will be enough to heal my brain and body since I can't give my body the rest it needs, I find myself frustrated that Satan sees the need to attack me yet again.  It just doesn't seem fair.  I'm thankful that God plants little moments of light and hope in my days as I struggle to just keep going.  Daily, He gives me glimpses of His favor as I seek to be faithful to Him, and that's enough to sustain me.

As if a concussion isn't enough, Satan has been feeding me lies, and I've been blindly believing them!  He's so subtle!  From the time I was sexually abused at 5 years of age, he has told me over and over again, "You have no value!  You are worthless!"  He's a master and speaking those lies into my ears when I don't even realize that's what he's saying.  He's weaponized church leaders to reinforce those lies.  It started with the church leaders at the time of my sexual abuse by a deacon in my church, and the leaders were upset with my parents for going to the legal authorities wishing they had just let the church handle it - "You have no value!  What happened to you should just be swept under the rug like it never happened.  It's no big deal!"  My struggle to accept myself only compounded the struggle of never feeling accepted by the kids at school.  I was only noticed enough to be mocked and teased all throughout my primary and secondary education for being "too good."  As an adult, church leadership came after me threatening church discipline when I was desperately trying to save my marriage while dealing with an emotional and psychological crisis when my past sexual abuse and lack of complete healing from the ordeal came head to head with me when we were pursuing serving full time on the mission field.  Instead of coming alongside of me and encouraging me in my seeking Christian counseling and working hard with my counselor to heal, they wanted to disrupt what my Christian counselor had advised and tried to take Scripture out of context to support their efforts.  "You have no value!  You are worthless!  We don't even care to know how you are really doing!"  We left that church in an effort to be truly shepherded, but we ended up facing similar battles.  Not being able to worship in church because I couldn't wear a mask due to medical issues during the COVID epidemic, we tried to meet with church leadership to help them understand the struggle of knowing I am free to go grocery shopping but not free to go to church.  We were given a date to meet, but they canceled the meeting on us because they just felt they didn't have time to meet and didn't feel like they needed to discuss the matter anymore (even though we had never had a chance to discuss the matter with them). "You have no value!  It's no big deal you can't be in church!"  Months later, I was allowed to go to church without a mask, but I wasn't allowed to walk around and fellowship.  People saw me unmasked and made comments about how rebellious I was, and leadership never felt the need to defend my actions.  "You are worthless!" The most painful experience was when our family had a huge crisis and trial that rattled us to the core, and it wasn't just me who was made to feel like I didn't matter.  Our whole family felt the weight of the lies: "You are worthless!  You have no value!" It hurt deeper that my kids were made to suffer, and it reinforced Satan's personal lies to me: "You are worthless!  You have no value!  As a result, your kids are worthless and have no value."  I've spent a year wrestling with those lies and working so hard to be able to forgive men who didn't even see the need to ask for forgiveness.  

Satan has also weaponized family members.  There was a time in our son's past, where we truly felt that there was some demonic oppression or possession going on where we could look in his eyes and know it wasn't him.  We'd pray and sing over him watching him writhe and howl and scream until calm finally came over him countless times.  During one of these episodes, he was screaming at me while I quoted Scripture to him.  He responded with, "Well, I have a message from Satan for you: You are worthless!  You have no value!"  Up to that point, I hadn't shared with anyone my struggle with those lies and the mantra in my head that would play those words over and over again.  I hadn't even shared the struggle with my husband, not to mention my son.  I knew it really was a message from Satan.  The lies have also come in quiet, subtle ways.  I love accompanying my son on the piano while he plays his violin.  It brings me so much joy.  As he has advanced in his skill, and as I am often too busy to practice, his pieces require more advanced piano playing, that I really need time to polish and get up to that level.  Instead of being patient with me, he just said that he'd rather just get someone else better to accompany him.  That was such a stab in the heart, and I know it was innocent and not meant to hurt me, because it was a necessity for him in his current level.  However, Satan used that opportunity to speak those lies: "You are worthless!  Your piano skills aren't good enough. You have no value!"  

As if Satan isn't clever enough in his lies, he's at it again not just with the lies but with stealing my joy.  As I found myself enjoying new opportunities to play the piano with the youth choir and accompany David once again in church within the last month plus, I was filled with so much joy to be able to serve again in church and enjoy the beauty and therapy of music.  The joy was so short-lived as I found myself repeating Satan's lies to me: "You aren't good enough.  You are worthless!  You are a fake!  Someone better than you should be doing this!  You have no value!"  How pathetic that Satan would have me telling myself the lies and believing them.  Instead of getting relaxation and joy out of practicing my pieces, I find myself getting more stressed and beating myself up when my fingers don't want to do what my brain tells them to or when the numbness in my fingers makes it hard to feel the keys.

As I wallowed in my frustration and self-deception, I realized that Satan was winning.  He had me fully believing his lies.  He was robbing me of joy.  He was making me regret choosing to serve God through music and Bible study.  That's when I realized I can't fight this on my own.  I can't continue to live in the shadows and make everyone believe all is well with me, when I am fighting a tough battle inside my own head and heart.  I need community more than ever!  I need prayer warriors willing to lift me up before the throne of grace.  I need truths being spoken louder than Satan's lies.  Who's willing to fight with me?  

Jesus says of Satan: "He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies" (John 8:44b-c). 

Satan's first lie was to Eve: "You will not surely die!" He hasn't stopped since that lie!  Revelation 12:9 describes him: "that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world."  Look out, he's out to get you too!  How is Satan lying to you?  How can I help you fight your own battles against him?

Satan wants us alone and in isolation.  We are easier targets that way.  The Bible reminds us over and over again of the importance of being in fellowship and community with one another, and we are told to love one another so many times.  My study of I-III John with my friends this year and the I Peter study I am preparing both shocked me with the repeated themes of being called to love one another and having brotherly love. God never intended for us to face various trials alone.  Not only does He give us community, but "God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it" (I Corinthians 10:13).

Be on watch for the hungry Joy thief and master of lies.  Don't become his next victim!

1 Peter 5:8–11: "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen. (ESV)