It Takes a Village to Raise a Special Needs Child

The last two weeks have been utterly horrific and ones that I pray we will never have to repeat.  Josh came completely unglued emotionally leading to terrible and horrifying behaviors.  It was like reliving the unstable days of years past when his bipolar was not well controlled.  He has been stable for the last 3 years, but since we decided to do a family missions trip because Josh was so stable, it seems as if Satan is pulling out all of the stops to get us to change our mind.

We spent the last week and a half deliberating about whether or not to hospitalize Josh.  It was the most agonizing decision to make knowing he was completely out of control and out of our ability to control yet knowing that if we send him back to the hospital, it will be yet another traumatic experience for him complicated by the fact that the hospital simply drugs the kids to make them calm, keeps them in front of a TV screen all day to keep them under control, and feeds them all of kinds of food that we do not put into our bodies not to mention the gluten and refined sugars that would be served that are huge triggers for Josh and his mood/behaviors.  It was a no-win situation, but we were quickly running out of other options.

Throughout this struggle, we had dear friends from church who regularly checked in with us, sent me encouraging texts including reminders of helpful Scripture passages, and who came at a last minute's notice to allow us to get out of the chaos for a quick breath of fresh air and a chance to celebrate Tim's passing of his Certified Financial Planner exam.  I was encouraged by a phone conversation I had with one of Josh's youth leaders who was concerned about Josh and his behaviors and wanting to know how the youth leaders can help him be more successful in youth group then praying with me that God would help Josh through this difficult time and return to stability.  David's Christian counselor who had done a joint session with the boys the last week and could tell Josh was coming undone sent me an email to check in and see how we were doing and see if she can help in anyway.  Josh's school was extremely concerned and offered their help and support to us and did all that was necessary to help keep him under control as much as it was possible.  Josh's psychiatrist saw Josh on an emergency basis then gave me her cell phone number so that I could contact her at any time (and she walked with us through the battle of whether or not to hospitalize several different days over the last two weeks).  She is also a blessing in that she doesn't always see medication as the answer to problems.  Josh's nutritionist responded to my email asking if she had any suggestions for ways we can help Josh by offering her chiropractor husband's services before his office hours began to do some specialized neurological adjustments to help Josh, and as he did so, he spoke the Gospel to him.  The nutritionist then offered to squeeze Josh into her busy schedule to see if anything from a nutritional and supplemental standpoint could be done to help him.  We had another friend who still willingly came in the midst of the chaos to watch the boys so we didn't have to cancel our plans to go to a concert in Philly that we had bought tickets for back in December.  I had another friend who deals with similar drama in her household come alongside of me and check in with me all while being an encouragement just through her mutual understanding.  We also had many friends and family members praying for Josh and for us, and prayer is just what all of us needed!

I can't imagine having to do these last two weeks alone!  I am thankful for the village God has built up around us to stand with us in trials and support and encourage us.  Had it not been for the support of those faithful villagers, I am not sure what things would be looking like right now.  God through His goodness and providence has helped us have all that we needed to walk through this fire.

With the sudden return to stability Josh experienced yesterday (most likely due to the prayers, neurological adjustment, and supplement changes), we are more than ready to take deep breaths of fresh air.  However as I do so, I am praising God for our village and the way He used dear people to help us get to the other side.  Raising a child with special needs is not for the faint of heart, but it's also impossible to do alone.  It truly does take a village to raise a special needs child, and I am grateful that God has not left us alone!

Encouraging Thoughts to Help You Carry On

Being a caregiver for a special needs person is not for the faint of heart.  It can be exhausting, emotionally draining, and often, it can seem repetitive and rewardless.  It's been twelve years since we started on our special needs journey with our first son and 10 years with our second son.  While we have seen remarkable changes over all of those years, when we are in the day in and day out toil, it often feels as if our efforts are in vain.  The day to day progress seems nonexistent and the step back for every two steps forward is disheartening.

Of late, I have become weary of the same conversations over and over again helping our son with Autism know how to appropriately act in various social situations and when given non-preferred directives.  I feel like a broken record on a daily basis, and it seems no matter what I say or do or how encouraged I am after a conversation, my time and energy spent in helping my son is in vain because either the same day or the next, he ends up doing exactly what we discussed he shouldn't do.  It can be infuriating to say the least.

It is times like these that I am so grateful that I am not on this journey alone but that I have my great God and Savior right there with me encouraging me forward, strengthening me to finish each day, and carrying me when I can no longer walk on my own.  Time spent in God's Word and in prayer  refreshes and nourishes me daily.  God-centered music daily ministers to my heart speaking God's truth into my mind.  Conversations with people who love and accept me and my family the way we are, who are willing to walk with us in our not-so-pretty daily lives, and treat us without judgment help my burdens to not be so unbearable and help me to not feel so alone.

If you know someone who cares for someone with special needs, I encourage you to reach out and be a blessing.  Don't judge.  Get involved in their messy, daily lives and love them with God's love.  Send an encouraging note with an encouraging Scripture verse or passage.  Don't ask "How can I help?" but instead ask "When can I come over and help with housework or care for the kids or bring over a meal?"

Sometimes, when struggles pile up, it's easy to get overwhelmed and discouraged.  Necessary daily tasks become repetitive and meaningless.  Sometimes we need a reminder that the mundane is not for nothing and that we are involved in Kingdom work.  After all, a large part of Jesus' ministry on this earth was ministering to those with special needs.

Some encouraging Scripture passages that help me keep going include:

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights" - Habakkuk 3:17-19.

"The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail" - Isaiah 58:11

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." - Lamentations 3:19-26

Some songs that have really ministered to me in my hardest of days include:

"Blessings" by Laura Story

"He Will Hold Me Fast" by Keith & Kristyn Getty

"Grace" by Carolyn Hamlin

"Day by Day" a hymn written by Lina Sandell and translated by A. L. Skoog; music by: Oscar Ahnfeldt

No matter how hopeless a situation, our hope rests in God alone.  He is our strength and salvation.  He is our sovereign designer who is working all things together for our good and His glory!

Finding Grace Through Autism

Another year has come and gone, and here again, I am sitting to write a post in honor of World Autism Awareness Day (April 2) and Autism Awareness Month (April) as we Light It Up Blue for Autism.

Joshua is now 10 years old.  In some ways it's hard to believe that he's been alive for a decade, but in some ways, it feels like it's been forever.  This year has been an incredible year in some ways and a difficult one in others.  Through the good and the bad, I have found God's grace carrying us through.

It's officially been a year since we began using essential oils to help Josh with his Autism, Bi-polar, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and ADHD.  The oils have made an incredible difference in his ability to function, focus, and remain stable.  It's been an exciting year of weaning down on his mood stabilizer medication helping to improve his health and weight.  Because of the supportive effects of the oils, we have seen several aspects to Josh and his personality that we didn't realize existed!  We are thrilled to see and know our son for who he really is not what his Autism makes him appear to be.  It's been astounding and thrilling.  God's grace in leading us to choose to use essential oils has transformed all of our lives this year!

This year has been a tough year with Josh's wraparound services which provide him with a Behavior Specialist, Mobile Therapist, and Therapeutic Support Staff therapist (TSS).  We are currently on our 5th provider in 1 year!  We've had nothing but difficulties with consistent staff, proper support at home and school, and proper recommendations.  We just switched last month to the 5th agency and are still without a TSS which is the most critical therapist of the group.  As a result of all of the issues, Josh has been thrown off balance so many times.  His symptoms are all aggravated by the unrest and unknown and frustrating circumstances of providers not doing what needs to be done.  I have been at my wits end trying to negotiate things with the providers and the insurance company.  For once, the insurance company isn't the problem.  They have thankfully been wonderful through this whole ordeal.  Dealing with these issues since November has felt like another full-time job for me.  It's only God's grace that keeps me going during the difficult times when I just want to cry and give up fighting!

After 6 years of therapy to try to get Josh to recognize his feelings and emotions, use his words to describe his feelings and emotions, and then match appropriate coping skills to help him with those feelings and emotions, this year, Josh has finally begun expressing in words how he is feeling and telling us what he or we need to do to help him work through those feelings and emotions.  It's been so wonderful to be able to intervene before a melt-down occurs.  As a result, our home and lives have been a lot more peaceful.  Often, Josh will turn to essential oils to help him calm down.  I was certified in a specialized massage based on science that uses essential oils to bring the body into a homeostatic state, and Josh likes to have me do this massage on him when things get really overwhelming.  We are thankful for God's grace in bringing us to the point where Josh is independently identifying his feelings and asking for or using a proper coping skill.  It definitely makes parenting him so much easier.

Now that Josh is older and more aware of himself and people around him, he is really struggling to accept his Autism and other diagnoses.  We have had to deal with a lot of tears and tough questions: Why did I have to be born with Autism?  Why does life have to be so hard?  Why do I struggle with an angry mood?  Why do I always feel so fearful?  Why did I have to be born?  Why did God make me this way?  How come I keep praying that God will help me get over my anger but He never seems to make me better?  Why is everything such a struggle?  Often we feel so inadequate to have the answers to these hard questions.  We call for God's grace and wisdom to help us get through to our son's grieving heart.  We try to help him understand that God has an amazing plan for His life and that God made him perfectly - there are no mistakes in how God designed him.  We don't understand why some people's struggles are harder than others, but we can be confident that God will give the grace to keep on keeping on.  We call on God's grace to protect our son's faith as it often wavers during these doubting, questioning times.

Parenting Josh has made us stronger, more compassionate parents.  We are more understanding of others around us with varying disabilities.  I can be more sympathetic to my patients and their families because I get what it's like to deal with a child with special needs.  Dealing with a special needs sibling has made David a stronger person.  He is more compassionate, understanding, and patient with other children as a result.  God's grace molding our lives through His design for our family is evident.

Dealing with the times of crisis is extremely difficult.  Thankfully, we haven't had as many as we usually do because Josh is doing so well with the essential oils.  However, because we've had several months of calm and stability, when a crisis does happen, it makes it that much harder to cope with because we finally had a taste of peace.  David has been in therapy for a year now to deal with his trauma and anxiety symptoms related to growing up with a brother with Autism and other challenges.  It's been a tough year for him as he has a hard time talking about his feelings and dealing with the uncertainty and scariness of Josh's crises events.  David is learning to lean on God's grace to carry him through these difficult times just as we have to cling to God's grace to keep taking each day as it comes when we are so emotionally and physically spent.

I am so thankful that God's grace remains a constant when our lives never are.  God's grace sustains us through the good times and the bad.  Often, I find myself singing my favorite hymn "Day by Day" just to remind myself of God's goodness, grace, and strength to get me through each day.  "Day by day, and with each passing moment, Strength I find to meet my trials here; Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment, I've no cause for worry or for fear."

Day by Day by Karolina Sandell Berg

Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure,
Gives unto each day what He deems best,
Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day the Lord Himself is near me,With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear and cheer me,
He whose name is Counsellor and Pow’r.
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
“As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”
This the pledge to me He made.

Help me then, in every tribulation,
So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation,
Offered me within Thy holy Word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E’er to take, as from a father’s hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till with Christ the Lord I stand.

To hear a musical rendition of this hymn, go to this youtube site.

My Struggles and Blessings of Being a Special Needs Parent - Part 3 of 3

This is the conclusion of my 3-part post of my struggles and blessings of being a special needs parents.  Feel free to read part 1 and part 2 if you haven't done so already.

Struggle #6:
I struggle with guilt.  I feel guilty that I'm not doing enough for my children.  I feel guilty that most of my time and energy goes into my children making me feel like I am letting my husband down.  I hate being so exhausted that I have nothing left to give him at the end of the day.  I also feel guilty if and when I take time to care for myself.

Feeling guilty when I do something for myself seems to be the most problematic for me.  With the many therapists coming in and out of our house and the visits with Josh's developmental pediatrician and psychologist, I have heard, "Make sure you take time for yourself.  That's important!" way too often!  However, I rarely heed the advice.  I'm too busy.  Then, when I do take an evening to go out, I don't enjoy myself because I am thinking of all of the housework I could be doing or how I should be helping Tim put the boys to bed.  Often, my mind is my worst enemy.  It is very hard for me to do something for myself.  For my own well-being and that of my family's, this struggle needs significant work.  It's just so hard to find time in our crazy schedules for me to have "me" time.

My husband and I would love to get out more often and enjoy more frequent dates, but duty calls, and because the needs of both boys are complicated, it's not as if is capable of caring for them.  It takes a special and understanding person to know how to meet Josh's needs.  Those kinds of people are hard to come by in our circles, but slowly, we are seeing doors opening in this area.  Now, we need to figure out how to carve out the time to have "us" times.  

Blessing #6:
I am blessed to be used of God to minister to others.  It has been so difficult to go through life feeling the burden to answer God's call in long-term missions when God has seemingly put so many hurdles and obstacles in the way.  There were times when I felt like time was wasting away and I couldn't be serving God.  God has shown me time and time again that He's using me for Kingdom-work in every circumstance He places me.  I don't have to be in a foreign country to be His vessel of ministry.  He gladly uses me in the ordinary details of my everyday life.  More and more, I am amazed by the ways in which I am able to minister to others as a result of the struggles I have faced in my life personally or with Josh or David.  From people I meet in a waiting room, to doctors and therapists, to neighbors and friends, to someone reading my blog...the list could go on for a while.  I am humbled by the knowledge that God chooses to use me in all of my imperfections to be a blessing and ministry to those around me.   

Struggle #7:

I struggle with fears -- fear about whether I am making the right medical decision for my child, fear that I'm not choosing the right consequence for my son's actions, fear about the next bacterial infection, fear of what others will think about me, fear about the future for my sons, fear about whether I am doing enough as a mother or wife, fear about whether I am doing enough for God, fear that I will forget something important in our busy schedule, fear that I am just not good enough for the roles in which I find myself.  I hate the doubts that creep up on me all of the time.  Satan has a way of catching me off guard all too frequently.  On the positive side, I have been driven to trust in God no matter how tough the situation appears.  The more I rely on God to work out the details of my life, it becomes easier to release the fears and cast my burdens and fears on the Lord, for He truly cares for me and will sustain me (Psalm 55:22, I Peter 5:7).

Blessing #7:

I am blessed with peace that passes all understanding.  As a result of facing my fears and difficulties in God's strength and casting my cares on the Lord, I am filled with His perfect peace and rest (Isaiah 26:3, Matthew 11:28-30, John 14:27, Philippians 4:4-7).  Often, I get the question, "How do you manage everything and not get overwhelmed?"  I always answer, "God!" then go on to explain that God gives me His strength and grace to make it through each day and that even in the midst of the scariest of times, God fills me with His peace.  With God, I can truly have peace in the midst of the storm.  My heart can be calm when life's circumstances could fill it with anxiety.  There's no better place to be than resting beside God's quiet waters where even if I find myself in the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil because God is with me filling me with His love and wondrous peace (Psalm 23).

A Year Experiencing the God of All Comfort

II Corinthians 1:3-11³ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ⁵ For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. ⁶ If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. ⁷ Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.
⁸ For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. ⁹ Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. ¹⁰ He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. ¹¹ You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.

I feel that this passage is such a perfect summary of how we feel and what we believe.  For those of you who follow our story and pray so faithfully for us, this passage perfectly describes your relationship with us.  We are bound together in life through Christ.

We praise the Lord that He is the God of all comfort.  Although our year has definitely had its ups and downs, God has brought comfort to our hearts and lives in many ways, answering many prayers. We want to share with you some of the comforts God has given us this year.

David

Now 7 years old and in 2^nd grade, David has experienced his first full year of good health without any bacterial infections since his surgery in September 2012.  He was able to successfully come off of his prophylactic antibiotic for the first time in his life in March.  His gastrointestinal system went into shock requiring a month-long course of antibiotics to get his healthy gut bacteria back under control, but now his system is working properly again on its own.  If all goes well this winter, he will be able to start the weaning process of his weekly antibody transfusions in the Spring. God continues to work in his heart and life.  We are excited to see his willingness to use his gift of music with the violin to glorify God. 

Joshua

At 9 years of age and in the 4^th grade, Joshua is thriving and successful in his new school.  We moved in the summer to get Josh into a better school district where he will be supported with his Autism struggles.  His new school has absolutely amazed us with all that they do for him.  As a result, Josh is happy and showing great potential.  While he still struggles with the ups and downs of his mood disorder, we have successfully kept him out of the hospital now for a year.  We have to take each day as it comes and heavily rely on God’s wisdom to make the right decisions for Josh.  He has a loving spirit and wants to understand his environment desperately.  He too has found ways to glorify God through music using his talents for the Lord.

Christine

I celebrated a year in November of dramatically improved health when it comes to my migraines as a result of taking Vitamin B-12 and Magnesium supplements.  I now can experience up to 3-4 days at a time of being pain-free, and when I am in pain, it’s mostly manageable only being severe 1-2 times a month.  My last MRI also showed that my brain lesions are stable and not growing, so now I can wait until 2015 before having another MRI. I enjoy having much more energy now that pain doesn’t daily consume me.  I am still a part-time special needs pediatric nurse, although this year I changed to a better agency.  I am now working for Bayada Pediatrics.

Tim

Tim is growing his financial adviser position at the Life Financial Group and has taken on a more complex role as a result of a training course he has been taking.  His tasks at home have increased significantly with our new home and large property that needs upkeep. On top of that, he is still trying to rent out our Pottstown house, and until he does, he has to maintain that house as well.  He has also enjoyed his role as a den leader for David’s den in Cub Scouts.  As if that's not enough, he continues his work as a deacon at our church all while being a huge help and support to me at home as we parent our children. 

Answering the Call

We have come to significantly know God’s comfort when it comes to His call on our lives to be missionaries.  We have struggled to understand what God is doing with our family since God closed the door for us to be missionaries in Bulgaria.  This year, God has showed us in many ways that He is using us for His Kingdom work on the mission field where we currently find ourselves.  We don’t have to live overseas to be used by God.  Yet, God has also showed us how we can still be actively involved in foreign missions.  We have stepped up our work in the Asia Minor Partnership we have been a part of now for over 6 years.  Tim took another trip to Turkey this past August.  We are praying about taking our whole family over there at the end of this coming summer. 

In addition, God has been opening many doors to missions through the special needs of our family.  Not only are we working to help our home church launch a special needs ministry, but we have been talking with some key people regarding training churches internationally to make the Gospel accessible to ALL – including those with special needs.  As a result, we might be making a trip to Bulgaria this year to help with a special needs seminar in some churches there.  We don’t know what the future holds, but we are excited about the ways in which God is working in our hearts and lives and using our family with all of our faults and struggles for His Kingdom work and His glory.

Thanks for sharing in our afflictions and comforts.  We get through each day on prayer and God’s grace.  We hope and pray that this next year will be a year in which each of you experience God’s unending comfort despite the circumstances in which you find yourself.

In Christ's love and grace,
Tim, Christine, Joshua, and David Russell

Doing the Ordinary

God has been working in my heart the past several months helping me to be content with where He has me in this life.  I just returned late last night from a 3-day Mission to the World Global Missions Conference in Greenville, SC where God sealed the deal in my mind that He has me right where He wants me, and now, not only am I content, but I am humbled and excited all at the same time.

For those of you who have known me for a long time, you know that my heart has always been sold out to missions.  I had God's plan for my life all mapped out ever since I felt His call to missions as an 11 year old girl.  The problem was, once God gave me the call, I ran with the "how" it was going to all work out.  I eagerly looked forward to the day that I could go GREAT THINGS for God as a medical missionary.  I went to college on the fast-track to med school to become a doctor.  I was going to be a single missionary doctor and spend the rest of my life on a foreign field showing needy people God's love.

The problem was that I forgot to ask God how HE planned to carry out His will for my life.  God started working on that revelation when He put my husband Tim in my life during my second year of college.  Marriage upon graduation from college certainly put a wrench into my plans, but I was able to smooth things out deciding I could become a Physician's Assistant as a married woman and serve on the foreign mission field.  While waiting for Tim to finish college, I worked in a maternity ward and got the "baby bug."  At the same time, I was working as a certified nursing assistant, quickly realizing that the role of a nurse was so much closer to my desires of having a relationship with and being able to care for patients, so with the "baby bug" in full force, I quickly figured out that I could go back to school to become a nurse once my baby was school-aged.  That plan got more complicated when I got unexpectedly pregnant with our second child and then found out all of my Pre-Med college credits were expiring and that if I didn't start nursing school just after giving birth, I would lose 12 more credits on top of the 8 I had already lost from expiration.  I started and completed nursing school by the grace of God and became very excited about how God was going to use me to do GREAT THINGS for him.  However, through the years of nursing school, our family world was quickly becoming unraveled as we faced the realization that we had two children with significant special needs.  Despite that realization, Tim and I stepped out in faith that God would provide, and we pursued full-time foreign missions in 2010.

Tim and I quickly became excited how fast we were walking through open doors to finally do the work we felt God had called us to do.  As we pursued joining the missions work in Bulgaria, our world came crashing down, and in a few short months, we had our feet kicked out from under us multiple times from multiple causes.  The special needs of our children intensified, my health failed, and our relationship was challenged.  We felt as if we were collapsed on the ground, incapable of moving, with our heads spinning.  We couldn't believe how fast our lives had done a 180° turn.  The question in my mind: How am I ever going to do GREAT THINGS for God?

Now those of you who know anything about me know that I am a planner.  I like to know well in advance what to expect so that I can have all of my plans laid out in orderly fashion.  All of the sudden I found myself in a situation where I was clueless to what God was doing and where He wanted me to go.  It was a very unsettling place to be and has been since that time.  Even though I continued to trust God to work all things for good in my life (Romans 8:28), I was frustrated by God's choice to leave me in the dark regarding His plans for my life and frustrated about all of the time being wasted for me to do GREAT THINGS for God.  I chose to submit to God, but it didn't mean I was happy about it.

However, despite the sin of backhanded rebellion (I was submitting, but not happily or willingly), God started using me in the ordinary things in my ordinary life.  In different interactions with doctors, therapists, other caregivers of special needs children, etc., God started opening doors for me to share the Gospel through our story and struggles.  Sometimes, it was more my actions than what I said that stood as a Gospel witness.  I began to get excited about these witnessing opportunities.

In addition, with our increasing love for and participation in Asia Minor Partners, a partnership in our favorite country in the Middle East, I began learning the lesson of living in the moment and taking each day as it comes.  With the increasing stress of the issues my boys were facing, I was forced to have to take one day at a time.  My brothers and sisters in the Middle East, due to the instability of their environment and practices of culture, were great examples to me of not worrying about what tomorrow will hold but living for the day that God had given me.  It's not an easy or comfortable place for me to be, but it was necessary.

Now in 2013, our heads are spinning once again, but now for a different reason: God is opening many doors of opportunity for missional/Gospel involvement in ways we never envisioned or dreamed.  God is using the fact that we are stuck here in the States for the time-being to allow us to come along side and partner with mission works around the world.  God is opening doors for us to be a part of helping the Church love and embrace those with special needs helping to make the Gospel accessible to ALL.  God reminded us that we are on a mission field right here where He has us.

Through speakers at the missions conference this week, I was reminded that God chooses to use ORDINARY people through ORDINARY means to do intentional KINGDOM work.  As I reflect back on the course of my life these past few years, I realize the ways in which God was working and using me.  He wasn't using me because I was GREAT.  He was using me because I was ORDINARY.  I am so humbled that God chooses to use me (just an ordinary person) to do His work.  It's not about what GREAT THINGS I can do for Him, but the GREAT THINGS that He can accomplish through little, ORDINARY me.  Now, I stand with excitement and anticipation, being perfectly content in God's will for my life--still not knowing what tomorrow will bring--but confident that He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion in the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6).

Ministering to those with Special Needs - Part 4

My heart has been so full the past several weeks with a desire to love and minister to those with special needs (as if you couldn’t tell by my series of posts regarding special needs :-) -- <See all posts in this Special Needs 4-Part Series>). The more I dwell on this, the bigger my dreams get.

As serving God in Bulgaria becomes more of a reality, I often think about the children and families there who are affected by autism (I’ve been told that Bulgaria has the highest incidence of autism in all of Eastern Europe). I wonder about how I could reach out and show them the love of Christ. In searching my autism resources online or talking with people, I discover ministries and ways to do just this. I have been told of a man who started an autism school in India touching the lives of so many there, including impacting the president of India himself. I just learned today of a ministry in Indiana that just opened up an orphanage for special needs children in Uganda (http://www.ekisa.org/), where those with special needs are considered “cursed.” I don’t know if I could do anything as grand, but I pray that God could use me in my everyday life at least. I understand the loneliness, the struggles, the disdain and misjudgments of others. I know what it feels like to long to talk to someone who understands me and my child. I pray that God can lead me to people who feel just like me, and through our common connection, I would then have the opportunity to share the Gospel. Without Christ, the hardships of caring for a special needs child can be overwhelming. Many days, it’s only God’s grace that sustains me and brings me to the end of another day or allows me to have the strength and courage to wake up and begin another day. My heart hurts for those who go through life without knowing the comfort of God’s grace that sustains and peace that surpasses all understanding.

These thoughts then lead me to the here and now. In the Pottstown region alone, there are many families affected by autism. I hear story after story from Josh’s behavior specialist. In doing my own research or using the resources given me by the behavior specialist, I have realized that there are not too many connections in our area for parents to commiserate or get kids together for a play date. I have been thinking about how I could reach out to the community wondering if I should start an autism play group or a parents of autistic children support group. Doing something would be better than nothing. I then think about the church and how the church body could be ministering to these families and wonder how to incorporate my own dreams into a ministry outwork of our church. It’s a perfect way to demonstrate the love of Christ.

After all, I overheard one mother talking to another at my son’s special Olympics swim class telling her that she takes her son to particular church just because there is a ministry just for kids like him, and she feels it’s a good outlet for him. What a great way to open the door for the Gospel to be proclaimed! Our denomination has a special needs ministry and is training churches to minister to these special groups of people (http://pcamna.org/specialneeds/index.php). I am so excited about this work and have been in contact with the director multiple times. I am looking forward to meeting her in person this weekend. I pray that other churches will be burdened to take on this ministry to be a blessing in their own communities.

As my mind rapidly swirls in thoughts and dreams regarding the potential to minister, I pray that God would keep my heart open and receptive to the ministry opportunities He brings me daily and that He would burden the hearts of others to love these special children and adults and their families.

Joshua and David enjoy one of the many cool sensory activities at the Special Needs Class at the Spring Valley YMCA.

Ministering to those with Special Needs - Part 3

<See all posts in this Special Needs 4-Part Series>

How to minister to the caregivers of those with special needs:

• Provide a meal during a difficult time or just because - I never realized how exhausting caring for a special needs child can be.  As I said in my previous post, it can be draining!  Many times, after a rough battle with Josh and his anxiety-induced behavior issues, the last thing I want to do is scramble to throw together a last minute dinner.  There have also been times where I really should have taken more time to process an event with Josh to help him better understand what the problem was in a given situation, but having to care for the rest of the family caused me to stop short and lose the great teaching moment.  It's a hard balance.  There have been times when I have been ministered to by dear friends who have provided a meal for various reasons.  Each time, even if I feel awkward in even accepting the meal, I am so grateful for their kindness.  Not having to prepare just one meal makes my life a little easier.  If you know a special needs family, perhaps you should attempt to make a meal for them even this week to be a blessing - just because!  Call them up and tell them you will be bringing by a meal on a specific day unless another day would be better.  If they are anything like me, they will try to decline, but don't back down.  Take the opportunity to tell them that God has laid them on your heart this week, and you want to be a blessing to them in this way.
• Offer to watch/care for the special needs person so that they can get out and run errands or get a much needed sanity break!  Warning:  If you do this, don't complain about petty behaviors to them afterward making them feel guilty for leaving their child with you in the first place!  Accept the challenges that come with the favor and better learn how to pray for these caregivers!  
• Offer to do something special with the siblings of a special needs child.  Oftentimes, the siblings get unintentionally neglected because of all of the time and energy that goes into caring for a special needs child.  Also, sometimes the siblings just feel left out because their special needs sibling gets to do "special & fun" things for special needs kids, and they get left out.
• Offer your services to the caregivers - offer to go pick up groceries, clean the house, do dishes, etc.  These will be a true blessing to the caregivers who often don't have time to stay on top of these duties or not have the energy to do them.
• PRAY!!!!!!!!!  These caregivers need all of the prayer they can get!  Take the time to pray for them on a daily basis that they would have the grace and strength for each day and find ways to care for themselves.  Pray that they would not become weary in well-doing and find joy in their service for the Lord.
  

Caregivers often feel all alone in the world.  Surround them with love and friendship and help them know the comforts of God's love and care!  Build them up and strengthen them!

Ministering to those with Special Needs - Part 2

<See all posts in this Special Needs 4-Part Series>

How can we minister to those with special needs and those who care for them and how can we do it so that they can see the love of Christ?  My mind has been spinning in countless directions thinking about this concept.  I've finally decided I need to organize my thoughts into groups, so here goes nothing!

Reaching those with special needs around me:

• Get to know those with special needs - talk to them, treat them like normal people, let them know through your conversation with them that you are interested in what they have to say and that you care about them as a person.  It is so easy to feel awkward around these people and be at a loss to say.  The temptation to look the other way and keep walking is great.  Put yourself out there and make an effort to stop and be a ministry just like the Good Samaritan did when he saw the beaten man on the street.  Even if you make a fool of yourself, most likely, that special needs person is VERY forgiving and is simply touched you stopped to acknowledge him/her to even realize the errors in your attempt to converse.
• Smile often and give compliments.  Hugs are great too, if appropriate.
• If the special needs child is a child, set up play dates with your children - help your child(ren) to embrace those with special needs and learn that they are the same inside.
• Again, if you are dealing with a child, get on their level and PLAY with them!  Make them feel important and loved.

Thoughts of how this idea can be carried out cross-culturally:

• The need to feel loved and acknowledged is pretty much universal!  The above techniques work for any culture!  Love and compassion is the key!  Jesus realized this and acted it out in the various kinds of people from various cultures that He ministered to during his earthly ministry! 

Next, I will discuss ways to minister to those who care for those with special needs, which I believe is just as important!

Josh and even David love going to the Special Needs Play Class at the Spring Valley YMCA - a great opportunity to play, have fun, get sensory stimulation, and make new friends

Ministering to those with Special Needs - Part 1

<See all posts in this Special Needs 4-Part Series>

Never in a million years did I ever dream of raising a special needs child of my own, but God called me to the amazing task and gave me the gift of Joshua Caleb.  My eyes have been truly open to the challenges parents and caregivers face taking care of a child with special needs.  With as difficult as it has been for me so far, I also recognize that I have it so much easier than most parents who have a special needs child because my child is considered "high-functioning."

On Joshua's 1st Christmas, we put him in one of his gift bags because he was our gift from God for that year.  Little did we know how special of a gift God had really given us.  We can't imagine life without him!

Ever since Joshua was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, an Autism Spectrum disorder, I looked at this neurodevelopmental disorder as a challenge, a difficulty, a thwart to my plans for the mission field.  This diagnosis had a negative connotation in my mind.  However, God opened my eyes to the truth back in November 2010 during the MTW Missions conference when I was talking with a pastor who had led the seminar "Lord, Here am I, But What About my Children" I had just attended.   I was asking him about our specific family issues related to serving as missionaries.  When I told him about Josh's autism diagnosis, he laughed, catching me off-guard.  He then asked if we'd ever be interested in serving as missionaries in Bulgaria (the 3rd person to ask us that very question).  I asked why, and he responded, "Because Bulgaria has the highest incidence of autism in all of Eastern Europe, and they are behind the times in the therapies and services that the U.S. has.  Don't you think that when God called you to be a missionary when you were 11 that God called you knowing He was going to give you an autistic child?  Could it be that God is going to use you in a way He wouldn't have been able to use you otherwise because you have a child with autism?"

Those two questions revolutionized the way I thought.  In that moment, I was convicted of my lack of faith regarding the sovereignty of God (having an autistic child didn't catch God off-guard or thwart His plans) and my negative perspective of Josh's diagnosis.  Asperger's Syndrome is not a negative thing, but it's a GIFT!  God gave me the gift called Joshua for my good and His glory!  It's an honor and privilege to raise this loving child with his difficulties and his joys!  It's also very humbling that God would consider me worthy for the task not to mention call me to minister because of this gift He has blessed me with.

The more I understand and experience first-hand the world of special needs, the more my heart is challenged about ways to minister to this special group and those who love them and care for them.  Caring for these special people is a joy, but is not always easy.  Oftentimes, I find myself physically, emotionally, psychologically, and mentally exhausted, especially when Josh has been really struggling with anxiety issues related to change or the unknown which often leads to lack of focusing and staying on task and behavior issues.  I have gained a lot of insight about the needs of the caregivers of special needs people and now understand better how I can minister to them because of my own experience.  I also know the pains of feeling different and struggling to fit into a world that is very unforgiving because I've witnessed it through my own son's eyes.  These special people need to know the love of God.  God made them special because they are each equippede with special blessings that God has given to them for their good and His glory.  We need to surround them with God's love and enable them to glorify God through their lives and abilities.  I intentionally say "abilities" because what most call "disabilities" (giving a negative connotation) are actually "abilities" in other ways - a blind person can be gifted with acute hearing, a person who can't walk might be gifted with his hands; a child who is socially awkward as in Asperger's can be gifted with an amazing mind, etc).

Check back soon for a follow-up post of ways to minister to special needs individuals as well as their caregivers as I continue to explore ways God has called me to minister to these wonderful people.

One of Joshua's highlights of his week is his Special Olympics Swim Team practice.  He loves swimming, and it is wonderful therapy for him!