It Takes a Village to Raise a Special Needs Child

The last two weeks have been utterly horrific and ones that I pray we will never have to repeat.  Josh came completely unglued emotionally leading to terrible and horrifying behaviors.  It was like reliving the unstable days of years past when his bipolar was not well controlled.  He has been stable for the last 3 years, but since we decided to do a family missions trip because Josh was so stable, it seems as if Satan is pulling out all of the stops to get us to change our mind.

We spent the last week and a half deliberating about whether or not to hospitalize Josh.  It was the most agonizing decision to make knowing he was completely out of control and out of our ability to control yet knowing that if we send him back to the hospital, it will be yet another traumatic experience for him complicated by the fact that the hospital simply drugs the kids to make them calm, keeps them in front of a TV screen all day to keep them under control, and feeds them all of kinds of food that we do not put into our bodies not to mention the gluten and refined sugars that would be served that are huge triggers for Josh and his mood/behaviors.  It was a no-win situation, but we were quickly running out of other options.

Throughout this struggle, we had dear friends from church who regularly checked in with us, sent me encouraging texts including reminders of helpful Scripture passages, and who came at a last minute's notice to allow us to get out of the chaos for a quick breath of fresh air and a chance to celebrate Tim's passing of his Certified Financial Planner exam.  I was encouraged by a phone conversation I had with one of Josh's youth leaders who was concerned about Josh and his behaviors and wanting to know how the youth leaders can help him be more successful in youth group then praying with me that God would help Josh through this difficult time and return to stability.  David's Christian counselor who had done a joint session with the boys the last week and could tell Josh was coming undone sent me an email to check in and see how we were doing and see if she can help in anyway.  Josh's school was extremely concerned and offered their help and support to us and did all that was necessary to help keep him under control as much as it was possible.  Josh's psychiatrist saw Josh on an emergency basis then gave me her cell phone number so that I could contact her at any time (and she walked with us through the battle of whether or not to hospitalize several different days over the last two weeks).  She is also a blessing in that she doesn't always see medication as the answer to problems.  Josh's nutritionist responded to my email asking if she had any suggestions for ways we can help Josh by offering her chiropractor husband's services before his office hours began to do some specialized neurological adjustments to help Josh, and as he did so, he spoke the Gospel to him.  The nutritionist then offered to squeeze Josh into her busy schedule to see if anything from a nutritional and supplemental standpoint could be done to help him.  We had another friend who still willingly came in the midst of the chaos to watch the boys so we didn't have to cancel our plans to go to a concert in Philly that we had bought tickets for back in December.  I had another friend who deals with similar drama in her household come alongside of me and check in with me all while being an encouragement just through her mutual understanding.  We also had many friends and family members praying for Josh and for us, and prayer is just what all of us needed!

I can't imagine having to do these last two weeks alone!  I am thankful for the village God has built up around us to stand with us in trials and support and encourage us.  Had it not been for the support of those faithful villagers, I am not sure what things would be looking like right now.  God through His goodness and providence has helped us have all that we needed to walk through this fire.

With the sudden return to stability Josh experienced yesterday (most likely due to the prayers, neurological adjustment, and supplement changes), we are more than ready to take deep breaths of fresh air.  However as I do so, I am praising God for our village and the way He used dear people to help us get to the other side.  Raising a child with special needs is not for the faint of heart, but it's also impossible to do alone.  It truly does take a village to raise a special needs child, and I am grateful that God has not left us alone!

Growing Pains in Recovery

Josh continues in his recovery process with Autism.  He truly is a different child, and people who haven't seen him for several months are astonished at the drastic changes.  We continue to be thrilled at the progress he makes on a daily basis and are excited that he continues to thrive off of all drugs since the middle of June.

A new heartache has overcome my heart though.  As Josh recovers from his Autism symptoms, he is experiencing some difficult "growing pains."  He is becoming increasingly social and socially aware.  He is not content to be or play by himself like he used to be obsessed with doing.  He now longs for peer interaction and is frustrated if he can't engage his peers.  Gone are the days when he was blissfully ignorant when he was chosen last for a team or group or when kids were mean to him.  Now, he is fully aware of when he is shunned or intentionally skipped or overlooked.  With that awareness comes a lot of pain and hardship and the shedding of tears.  I am proud of the way Josh has been trying hard to reach out to peers who have been mean to him in an attempt to be nice to them.  However, it's so frustrating when the kindness is not reciprocated and instead unkind words or actions are the thanks for his kindness.  I so desperately want him to be successful socially.  I want him to have friends and be liked.  I want him to be accepted and not looked down upon or disregarded.

Granted, Josh still has miles to go in the socialization category.  This is something that we haven't been able to work on to a large extent because we always had more serious behaviors and issues to be addressing.  Now that those things are things of the past, the socialization shortfalls are front and center and overwhelming.  In his attempt to be involved, he feels the need to make a comment about everything and anything even if it means saying something utterly ridiculous.  His actions and words are often socially inappropriate, but he's trying to engage!  I have to look at the progress there.  We are ramping up all efforts at home, school, and with his therapies to address these social deficits, but in the meantime, I'd love to see the right person come along who is willing to accept Josh and his quirks and love him just because he is a person worthy of love and acceptance.

It grieves me to see him hurting.  At times, I dreadfully wish we could go back to when he was blissfully ignorant socially just to spare him the pain.  However, the logical side of me realizes the importance of even these difficult growing pains if he is going to continue to succeed and be all that God wants him to be.  He is 12 years old and does not know what it is like to have a friend.  It used to be that his interpretation of a "friend" is someone who lets him watch over their shoulder as they play on their electronic device.  A "friend" to him was a means to an end or desire.  Now he longs to have someone he can have conversations with or interact with.  However, line of peers waiting and willing to become his friend stands vacant.  In fact, there are no viable friend options in our community or his school that we are aware of.

I have to turn my sorrow and grief into action.  I have begun to plead with the Lord to bring Josh a friend -- to allow him to know the comforts of having someone to talk to, spend time with, and enjoy being together just because.  God is the God of the impossible.  He has brought Josh this far defeating so many impossibles already!  I am praying a friendship is the next impossible God accomplishes in Josh's life!  Will you pray with me for a friend for Josh?