A Weary World Rejoices

Peace, Joy, Love, Good News, Hope—all are typical salutations and greetings that get tossed around as people wish one another Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays—words we so often take for granted yet don’t often take time to think about what they mean.

As another tough year comes to an end for our family, I have had to think very deeply about these words and seek to understand and see their meaning in our current circumstances.  For those who are currently or have recently experienced trials and hardships, these words may fall empty on them as well—perhaps it’s the death of a loved one or loss of a job, maybe it’s a rift in the family, or maybe it’s a serious health issue.  Can these words ring true even for these individuals?  After much reflection on that question along with what I learned from my women’s Bible study on I Peter I went to this Fall, I would emphatically say yes, those words can ring true if that individual is a believer.  Because I am a believer in Jesus Christ, they can ring true for me despite the deep, dark trials that seek to drown me.

PEACE – If you are in the midst of trials, how can you have peace?  We have the promise of Isaiah 26:3: “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”  Jesus gives us peace not as the world gives, but He gives peace so that we don’t have to have hearts that are troubled or afraid (John 14:27).  Philippians 4:5b-7 says: “…the Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  In I Peter 3:11b-12a, Peter reminds us to “seek peace and pursue it.  The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears attend to their prayer.”  He goes on to tell us in 5:7 to “[cast—throw upon, give up to God] all your anxieties on [God], because he cares for us].”  Peter exhorts us throughout his first epistle to be humble in respect to God and all other relationships.  Here in chapter 5, he exhorts us to humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God.  If we are humbling ourselves to God, we are giving Him complete control in our lives.  This has been a work in progress for me over this last year as I come to terms with not having control over the situations in my life and that of my family’s.  If I do humble myself and give complete control to God (which He already has whether I want Him to or not), then I can have peace.  I have no need to have anxiety or worry.  Peace is mine in the midst of my trials just as it was to the believers Peter was writing to who were aliens and strangers in a land where they were hiding from persecution.  Jesus came to this earth as a baby so that He can give and leave His peace with us (John 14:27).

JOY – The Bible commands us to REJOICE in suffering (Romans 5:3-4) and consider the various trials we face “pure joy” (James 1:2-4).  Our family is broken and hurting, our relationships are strained, we are filled with sadness and grief.  Why can I have joy in that?  I Peter tells me why:  God has called me out of darkness and into His marvelous light (I Peter 2:5); Christ died for my sins, the just for the unjust, to bring me to God (I Peter 3:18); and Jesus’ blood has removed the stain of my sin so I can stand before Him (I Peter 3:18).  So, I don’t need to be “surprised at the fiery ordeal” but can keep on rejoicing (I Peter 4:12-13).  After I “have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called [me] to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish” me (5:10).  No trial can rob me of the joy that comes through Christ who came to this world as a baby to bring Joy to this world.

LOVE – We know the betrayal of love on many levels, yet we are told to “keep fervent in [our] love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins (I Peter 4:8).  God knew betrayed love.  We were created by Him in His image, yet we left our first love.  We rejected Him and chose sin.  Because of this betrayal, God had to send His only Son to Earth as a baby only to grow up and die for us so that we can be bought back (redeemed) and restored to our first love (justification).  This was love in action.  Jesus laid down His life so that we could live—love that took Him to the cross.  This love continues in the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit in our lives as we are perfected so that one day, we will be glorified when we see God face to face.  I Peter is so rich in reminding us of the love that led to our justification, sanctification, and glorification.

GOOD NEWS – As news we have been receiving about our loved one becomes bleaker and more distressing, we find ourselves doubting that we will ever hear good news.  However, we have Good News in our life because of Christ.  We are “chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father by the sanctifying work of the Spirit, to obey Jesus Christ and be sprinkled with His blood,” which is why Peter can then say, “May grace and peace be yours to the fullest measure.” (I Peter 1:1-2).  Because God chose us, we are “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession so that [we] may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called [us] out of darkness into His marvelous light” (I Peter 2:9), and we come to Christ as a “living stone…choice and precious in the sight of God” (I Peter 2:4).  The Good News of great joy that the angels came to share with the shepherds was that a Savior, Christ the Lord and God in flesh has been born.  Jesus has come to rescue His people!  As John Piper so eloquently reminded us in his devotional “Christmas Solidarity:”

Christmas is good news for man and good news for God.
"The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners" (I Timothy 1:15).  That’s good news for us.
"The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil" (I John 3:8).  That is also good news for God.”

Jesus came to lead a revolt against Satan.  That revolt started at his birth, and that is GREAT NEWS for us! Mary and Joseph were told to call their Son “Jesus,” “for He will save His people from their sins” and “Immanuel,” which means “God with us” (Matthew 1:21, 23).  We don’t just have Good News, we have GREAT NEWS, and nothing can take that away from us!

HOPE – Life’s circumstances may leave you feeling utterly hopeless at times, but no matter how dark our day or deep our valley, we as believers always have hope.  This hope is the “joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation” (Thayer’s Greek Lexicon).  We are “born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for [us]” (I Peter 1:3b-4).  In this we “greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary [we] have been distressed by various trials so that the proof of [our] faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (I Peter 1:6-7).  Therefore, we can “fix [our] hope [confident and joyful expectation] completely on the grace to be brought to [us] at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (I Peter 1:13b).  Hope that the Jews had in the coming of a Messiah was fulfilled in the birth of the baby Jesus.  Our Hope for salvation began at that same baby’s birth, and we look forward to the day it will be fulfilled at His second coming!

Who knew I Peter could give insight into the blessings of Christmas?  I sure didn’t until I spent these last several months digging deep into the book allowing God to use it to remind me of the peace, joy, love, good news, and hope in Him that I have through Christ.  As you celebrate Christ’s birth this Christmas, I pray you are reminded of the peace, joy, love, good news, and hope you have in Christ, and if you don’t yet have these, I pray that you find this great Savior for yourself so that you too can know and forever have His peace, joy, love, good news, and hope in your life!

Merry Christmas!  God be praised!

Celebrating a Birthday I Wasn't Predicted to Have

Today I celebrate another year of life.  What's significant about that?  I wasn't expected to be celebrating today.  In fact, based on the doctor's predictions they shared with my husband almost a year ago, I wasn't supposed to live, yet here I am now entering my 40th year of life.

Predictions don't determine God's plans, and God had my days numbered before I was formed in my mother's womb.  I will not die a day earlier than what was predetermined by Him in His sovereign will.

So, here I am celebrating the life I still have left to continue to serve God.  When I didn't die there in the hospital when they discovered I had severe acute hyponatremia (sudden, low sodium levels) and thought they were too late, and when I woke up after being unresponsive for 24 hours exactly and discovered that I was in an ICU and had been hooked up to a ventilator, I knew there was a reason why I was still here and not in heaven.  As the painfully slow days of my recovery turned into a few months with my making a surprising and unpredicted near-complete recovery from the damage done to my heart and brain from the low sodium levels, I realized that God still has work for me to do for His kingdom. 

My continued unresponsive state after being removed from the ventilator

I don't understand all that God is doing in my life or what He expects from me, but I do know that He has called me to live each day for His glory as I love Him and follow His commands.  As family trials have continued to be difficult over the last year making the past two years the most difficult ones of our lives, I can't say that there haven't been times that I have wished I had died that day or wondered why I couldn't be free of these trials and be present with the Lord.  Those thoughts have come and gone over the course of the year, but one thing I always come back to is that God's not done with me yet.  When He is, then I will enter His presence. 

In the meantime, I rejoice that I have breath to praise Him and energy to serve Him.  I celebrate the life He has given to me and the course of life that He has ordained.  God is good in the good times and the bad times.  This year has been a time of growth in my trust in Him and His sovereignty as I learned in new ways to let go of my own plans and desires and let God be God.  I love Him more today than I did a year ago.  I know Him in a deeper and more intimate way today than at my last birthday.  I hunger and thirst after His Word and His righteousness more than I ever have.  They are my lifeline!

So today, I celebrate His work in my heart and life.  I reflect on His sovereign plan for my life.

Because of God's faithfulness, I am here today celebrating a day others predicted I would never see.  May He receive all of the glory and honor due Him.

Psalm 139:13-17:
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God!  How vast is the sum of them!"

The Growth of Summer

I love watching things grow during the summer.  I especially look forward to the growth and production of my organic vegetable garden every year.  Usually, my garden grows out of control, and we are swimming in its harvest and giving plenty of the bounty away because we can't consume, can, or dehydrate it fast enough.  This year in particular has been a very slow year of growth with my garden thanks to a pesty groundhog who gave up digging under the fence and instead goes through the fence and climbs up the raised beds to devour my garden.  I have trapped him once, but Tim inadvertently let him go when the trap door of the trap opened unexpectedly as he lifted up the trap.  Of course, the varmint isn't dumb enough to get trapped twice despite our tempting efforts.  It has been the most frustrating summer of growth that way.

However, there has been good growth in so many other ways this Summer.  Our boys are the most visible growth.  They have shot up so quickly the past few months growing a few inches each with Josh soaring past me in height.  It's been difficult to keep them in clothing!  We have grown as a family as Josh makes progress in his residential treatment, and the family relationship has been given time to heal and improve.  We have been able to go away for 2 week-long vacations spending really special, quality time with David giving him our long-overdue attention and making special memories together without the drama of a brother with Autism.  Tim and I have been able to grow in our marriage relationship having extra time to spend together just the two of us.  Lastly, I have experienced growth of a different kind.

This summer has been a time of spiritual growth for me.  My trust in God has been strengthened as I continue to learn anew (almost daily) that I am not in control of anything--especially my children, but that God is, and that's ok.  As a result, I've grown in my ability to let go and let God.  My love for and marvel of God has grown as I've had a chance to dig deeper into God's Word through a summer women's book/Bible study I was able to participate in bringing a whole new perspective to life and God's sovereignty and gifts.  My hunger to learn God's Word has grown as I've been challenged to memorize passages of Scripture and say them to others in the book study who keep me accountable and memorize verses also.  I've also grown in my experience of and participation in the edification of the Church body as I weekly spent time with some lovely, Godly women at this study.  I didn't realize how hungry and thirsty I was for Christian, female friendship, and being able to satifsy those longings has renewed my spirit.

As the Summer comes to an end, I am so grateful to God for the growth He has given to our family, and especially for the way he has grown His love and care in my heart and life.  I am strengthened and encouraged as I look to the start of another school year with many new and uncertain challenges ahead of our family, because I know the time of growth this summer will help carry me through all that God brings across our path.

Growth this Summer in the sunflower field of Please Wash Me Car Wash in Elverson, PA

Good Gifts from the Hand of God

This summer, I have been going to a women's Bible study on the book of Ecclesiastes where we use the book Living Life Backward by David Gibson to guide us in our study.  It has been such an enriching and encouraging study for me and has made the book of Ecclesiastes come alive in a whole new way for me.  Ecclesiastes is quickly becoming one of my favorite books of the Bible!

I have already learned so much from the study and am hoping to write a blog post on that as well in the future, but for today, I have to put to words what I experienced a few weeks ago where God gave me simple but meaningful gifts that I knew immediately were straight from His loving hands for my enjoyment and happiness.

In the second chapter of Living Life Backward, Gibson states, "By relativizing all that we do in our days under the sun, death can change us from people who want to control life for gain into people who find deep joy in receiving life as a gift.  This is the main message of Ecclesiastes in a nutshell:  life in God's world is gift, not gain" (p. 37).  Later, he points out that the Preacher in Ecclesiastes 2 bursts the bubbles of pleasure and profit, materialism, and laughter with the blunt reality that we all die, but in the end, the Preacher bursts death's bubble by pointing out that if we live knowing the reality of death will come upon us, we can stop striving so hard for the good things for which we long but can learn to enjoy them for what they are.  Gibson says, "Death reorients us to our limitations as creatures and helps us to see God's good gifts right in front of us all the time, each and every day of our lives.  Instead of using these gifts as means to a greater end of securing ultimate gain in the world, we take the time to live inside the gifts themselves and see the hand of God in them" (p. 45).

Ecclesiastes 2:24-26 tells us that God is the one who gives enjoyment and satisfaction and wisdom and knowledge.  After reflecting on the fact that everything in life, the good and the bad, are gifts from God, I prayed asking God to help me find the gifts in life, because lately, with the heavy burdens and difficult trials, I have lost sight of the gifts and just cling to God's grace to sustain me each day and help me keep putting one foot in front of the other on a daily basis forgetting that God's grace itself is a gift.  The very next day, I saw a very visible and tangible answer to that prayer and stood in awe of God's goodness in even the small things.

I had been extremely stressed out trying to help everyone else get ready for a week-long retreat that I was quickly running out of time to get our family ready for the retreat.  We were going to a place where there weren't many food options, not to mention healthy ones.  Our inn did not provide breakfast, so I wanted to make sure I made enough things to bring with us that would suffice as breakfast that wouldn't spoil being kept in a cooler on ice since I knew we wouldn't have a fridge.  It also needed to be food items that didn't need to be heated up or cooked since we wouldn't have access to a stove or microwave (not that we use a microwave anyway). I also wanted to make sure we had food options to cover some of our lunches.  We were coming down to the wire for our departure, and even though I had my recipes chosen, I had yet to start the cooking and baking not to mention packing for the trip.  I have not been able to have gluten the last year due to increasing adverse reactions to it, and we were going to be having a campfire one night during the retreat and making S'mores.  I had really wanted to make myself some gluten-free graham crackers, but I knew there was no way I was going to be able to have time for that.  I also had wanted to make some special gluten-free chocolate chip cookies so that I could enjoy dessert when others had desserts that I couldn't have.  Again, not a chance of that happening.  We are very careful in what we eat and don't use refined sugars, gluten, most grains, and only healthy oils.  That being said, it's not as simple as running to the grocery store for gluten-free labeled products, so I was disappointed but content to be resigned that I won't be able to have special treats.

However, God had other plans for me.  On June 21, two days before our departure, I ran to the local farms where I get our groceries and decided to swing by a discount food store on my way home in case I could find some organic ingredients I needed that I wasn't successful in getting at the farms or couldn't get at the farms.  While there, I decided to peruse the aisles as sometimes, they have organic treasures that fit within our dietary choices.  Lo and behold, God had everything I needed there, and more than I could have ever dreamed.  With each shocking find, I immediately thanked God for the special gift.  It almost became comical with how many special gifts directly from God that I found in the store.  I literally laughed out loud at God's goodness to me that day.  I found the organic milk that came in juice box size that would keep better than the raw organic milk I get from the farm to go with the granola I was planning to make.  Ordinarily, I make our yogurt from the raw milk I get from the farm, and I had run out of yogurt that week and knew I didn't have time to make more to go with the granola and/or fruit I was planning to bring as a breakfast or lunch option.  The discount store happened to have plain organic whole milk yogurt sitting on the shelf waiting for me to claim it.  The top two gifts from God caught me totally by surprise and made me tear up right there in the store.  There on the shelf sat a box of gluten-free graham crackers with acceptable ingredients and not too far down the aisle from that were two boxes of chocolate chip cookies also made with the right ingredients.  I have never seen either of those two products before, and I have looked since to find them again since they were so good, but I have not found them (up until today when I found one box of the chocolate chip cookies).  I know God put them there and led me to them because He cared about me and my silly longings and gave me those precious and delicious gifts for my enjoyment and happiness.  God is so good!

Finding those gifts from God have been a great encouragement to me to keep looking for God's gifts in every day whether they be something as silly as needing healthy and gluten-free chocolate chip cookies or protection from an accident or an answer to prayer.  I find myself always looking and praising God for those gifts as I see them.  I marvel at how easy they are to find when you are looking for them and how we so often go through life blind to them.  I am working on living life in light of death and enjoying the daily gifts God gives to me to enjoy in the moment because I never know if it will be my last.

Love That Will Never Let Me Go

As I mentioned in my post "Waiting for the Morning," I have been realizing and experiencing the depths of God's love in a deeper and more meaningful way as I walk the current rocky path of trials.  Some songs about God's love have been in my head and heart and often on my voice as I go about my duties day to day helping me to carry on in joy and hope and in the comfort of God's very real and rich love.  God's Love is ENOUGH!  I don't need anything else in this world.

There are no circumstances -- good or bad-- and no places in this world we can find ourselves in where God's love can't reach us.  God's love is an unwavering and all-powerful love that embraces the very essences of our beings, holding us close, and never letting us go.  No matter where you find yourself today, reflect and meditate on God's Wondrous, Deep, Deep Love that will never let you go!

"Oh the Deep, Deep Love" 

By Bob Kauflin 

VERSE 1 

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus 

Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free 

Rolling as a mighty ocean 

In its fullness over me 

Underneath me, all around me 

Is the current of Your love 

Leading onward, leading homeward 

To Your glorious rest above 

CHORUS 

Oh the deep, deep love 

All I need and trust

Is the deep, deep love of Jesus 

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus 

VERSE 2 

Spread His praise from shore to shore 

How He came to pay our ransom 

Through the saving cross He bore 

How He watches o’er His loved ones

Those He died to make His own 

How for them He’s interceding 

Pleading now before the throne 

VERSE 3 

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus 

Far surpassing all the rest 

It’s an ocean full of blessing 

In the midst of every test 

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus 

Mighty Savior, precious Friend 

You will bring us home to glory 

Where Your love will never end 

"O Wondrous Love" 

By Steve and Vicki Cook 

VERSE 1

O wondrous love that will not let me go 

I cling to You with all my strength and soul 

Yet if my hold should ever fail 

This wondrous love will never let me go 

VERSE 2 

O wondrous love that’s come to dwell in me 

Lord who am I that I should come to know 

Your tender voice assuring me 

This wondrous love will never let me go

CHORUS 

I’m resting in the everlasting arms 

In the ever faithful heart 

The Shepherd of my life 

You’ll carry me on Your mighty wings of grace 

Keeping me until the day

 I look into Your eyes 

VERSE 3 

O wondrous love that sings of Calvary 

The sweetest sound this sinner’s ever known 

The song of Your redeeming Son 

Whose wondrous love will never let me go 

VERSE 4

O wondrous love that rushes over me 

I can’t escape this river’s glorious flow

You overwhelm my days with good 

Your wondrous love will never let me go 

"My Redeemer's Love" 

By Joel Sczebel, Jordan Kauflin, Mark Altrogge 

VERSE 1

My Redeemer’s love is deeper 

Than the depths of sin and hell 

He who was enthroned in glory 

Came to bring us to Himself

My Redeemer’s love is wider 

Than the breach my sins had made 

He reached down into my darkness

 He alone has pow’r to save

CHORUS 1

 Deeper than the rolling seas 

Higher than the mountain peaks

 Your love is all I need 

VERSE 2 

My Redeemer’s love is stronger 

Than my fiercest enemies 

He will hold me in the tempest 

Through the flood He carries me 

My Redeemer’s love will lead me 

Through the deepest valley here 

He will shepherd me and guide me 

He will ever keep me near

CHORUS 2 

Deeper than the rolling seas

 Higher than the mountain peaks 

Your love is all I need 

Stronger than the rushing wind 

Shattering the power of sin 

Your love is all I need

VERSE 3 

My Redeemer’s love grows sweeter 

As eternity draws near

 I’ll enjoy His love forever 

At His throne for endless years 

My Redeemer’s love will fill me 

On the day I see His face

I will love Him back forever 

And forever sing His praise

Learning to be Content

Last month, I had the pleasure and blessing of attending a women's retreat where I was truly ministered to through the sessions digging into God's Word and exposing our obsessions with self and comfort that are preventing us from flourishing.  The music was also so spiritually challenging and was so cohesive with the truths being presented and did a great job pointing us to God reminding us of his sovereignty, love, and care.

As I had mentioned in my blog post "Waiting for the Morning," God has been convicting me of my lack of contentment.  The depths of my discontentment were exposed at this women's retreat.  The speaker at the retreat was author and Crossway editor Lydia Brownback, and each women was given one of her devotional books she has written on various topics.  The book I happened to get was on Contentment.  I laughed at God's sovereignty in that when I simply chose the packet in which the book was beautifully tucked based on the green cover I saw (my favorite color is green).

I have been meditating on the devotionals since then and working hard to be content on a daily basis.  I have far to go, but I am making progress and experiencing greater daily joy as a result in a shift in my focus--upward not inward or outward.

When comparing the present to the past and future, Lydia says, "[The present] is better because God is the one who brought us where we are today.  And the God who led us here is good, kind, and let's not forget, purposeful.  Everything he does in our lives, everywhere he leads us, is designed to fulfill his primary intention for us, which is to know him better.  Contentment does not lie around the next corner.  It is not waiting for us on the other side of today's difficulty, nor is it lost with yesterday.  Contentment is where God is, and God is with us today" (Contentment by Lydia Brownback, p. 24).

Earlier in the book, Lydia says, "Contentment in the valleys comes when we stop fighting so hard to climb out.  God is the one who leads us into the valleys, and he will lead us back out in his time.  God ordains valleys for our good; why else would a good and kind God allow them?  Trusting God in our hard times is the way to contentment--not just trusting him to get us out, but trusting his goodness while we are still in them" (Contentment by Lydia Brownback, p. 16).

The truths of these words were enough to knock the wind out of me and make me really reflect on how I was living my day to day life.  I have continued to trust God in the hard times.  I learned from an early age of trials to not let difficulties rob me of my trust in God.  However, what I have been failing to do is look at the hard times through the lens that God would have me view them.  I am not content in the hard times.  I am often distracted with praying for them to end quickly and waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel that I don't realize what God is doing in me in the moment.  After all, James 1:2-4, 12 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything...Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."  The process within the trials has purpose, and I am missing that truth too often because I am too busy fighting the process!

Hebrews 13:5b says to "be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."  Going back to the phrases I find myself saying often these days: "God is ENOUGH!"  or "God's God this!"  I conclude as this verse promises -- God is with me, and He will never let me go.  As I shared one of my favorite songs in my post "Waiting for the Morning," God will hold me fast.  I CAN be content in being kept in His wondrous care just as Paul says in Philippians 4:12-13, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

Many of you are aware of the current situation with our oldest especially if you have read my post "Learning to Let it All Go."  Things with him continue to get more difficult, and he is becoming more hardened toward God and his faith in Him.  We are very concerned about his spiritual state.  Our prayers are often pleas with God to hold onto his heart and not let him go.

I read Jen Wilkin's book None Like Him last Fall.  It's a book that digs deeply into the incommunicable attributes of God and how we often vainly try to take on those attributes ourselves.  That book totally changed the depth of how I view God and his majesty and awesomeness and convicted me in so many ways.  I turn back to that book frequently to be reminded of who God is and who I am.  Not too long ago, as we were really struggling with our concerns about Josh's spiritual state and current rebellion against God, this statement by Jen jumped out at me: "We cannot create hope where there is hopelessness...We cannot create repentance where there is unrepentance, but we can cry out to the God who can." I can be content that I am resting in the one and only Self-existent, Creator-God who is fully capable in continuing His miraculous work of redemption and sanctification not only in my life but in my son's life as well.

Tim and I spend some time each night having devotions together as a couple.  As part of our devotions, we use the Tabletalk devotional booklet.  I love what Dr. James Harvey III said in his devotional for May 5-6 called "Rediscovering Contentment," and I have made his statement my resolve:  "I am going to lead the life the Lord has assigned to me, the life to which God has called me.  I am going to find satisfaction and joy in Christ, whether in a season of trial or blessing" (p. 37).

Waiting for the Morning

Sometimes, I feel as if I am suffocating as I drown in our trials and sorrows that seem to come in continuous waves over my head.  Other times, I feel that I am just about to the top ready to pop my head above the water and gasp for a breath of air.  I haven't experienced the comforts on being on the other side in quite a while, but I'm learning that it's okay because God's got me where He wants me, and He will hold me fast!

As the wearying months go by one by one, I find comfort in phrases and songs that the Holy Spirit brings to my mind always at just the right times to keep me going.  Scripture continues to be a solace daily where passages I read end up being just what I needed to read to carry me through yet another day.

• For the last year and a half, one of my favorite songs has been "He Will Hold Me Fast" sung by the Gettys (ORIGINAL WORDS VV 1-2 BY ADA HABERSHONNEW WORDS AND MUSIC BY MATT MERKER©2013 GETTY MUSIC PUBLISHING (BMI) / MATT MERKER MUSIC (BMI) (ADMIN BY MUSICSERVICES.ORG).  It has been a comfort at many points throughout the darkest of times.  David and I recorded it a little while ago to encourage my grandmother who was struggling with health issues.  As you listen to the words, you will understand why it can bring anyone who is a child of God comfort.

• I have been realizing God's love in a new and real way lately, and some powerful songs have really helped turn my eyes upward to my great God whose deep, deep love never ends and that will never let me go.  More on that in my blog post "Love That Will Never Let Me Go."
• I long for the morning, for light at the end of the tunnel, for newness.  These verses of the morning bring comfort to my heart and hope for each day:

• Psalm 30:5b (ESV) - "Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning."
• Lamentations 3:22-23 (NIV) - "Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
• Psalm 130: 5,6 (ESV) - "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning."
• Yet as I long for the morning, God has really convicted me lately about my contentment or I should say lack of it!  I am prone to long and wait for the morning, but I need to make being content in all circumstances--including the difficult and dark ones that don't ever seem to end--my daily practice.  I'm starting to get it, but it's definitely a work in progress.  More about that in my blog post "Learning to be Content."
• "God's Got This" or "God is Enough" - I can't tell you how many times a day, I say these phrases in my head reminding me of the reality of my circumstances.  I honestly don't know how I could continue on if I didn't have God or if He didn't have total control of my daily circumstances.

As I wait for the morning, I will find comfort that I am being held fast by my great God who is so full of love and has perfect control of my circumstances.  In the good and the bad, I will chose to praise God and say, "Blessed Be Your Name!"

"Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful 
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out, I'll 
Turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering 
Though there's pain in the offering 
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out I'll 
Turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name...

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

God you give and take away
Oh you give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name"

Words by Matt Redman

Autism Awareness Month 2018

Autism is so encompassing.  It consumes a family's time, energy, strength, sanity, and heart.  As our son moved into his puberty years last year, we saw it wreak havoc in his life and, subsequently, our family's lives.  What parent hasn't feared the puberty stage and all of the wild hormones that come with it for any pubescent kid?  Add that to a kid who already struggles to live in this world, and you've got trouble!  Because our son also struggles with various other mental health issues (a common struggle for those on the spectrum), you add those into the mix, and you've got utter trouble and chaos to battle with on a daily basis.  We had been warned by many specialists that puberty would be tough, but we never expected it to be this bad.

Things were going rather well leading up to the onset of puberty.  Josh was doing extremely well and remained stable off of all drugs for almost a year thanks to the use of essential oils and supplements and dietary changes.  He was so stable that we decided to take our whole family on a missions trip in April of last year.  He did exceptionally well the whole time we were there given all of the sensory overload; the constant change of routine and daily plans; the very long days; and all of the new sights, smells, and language.  In fact, he LOVED it there!  So much so, that we came home, and he completely fell apart because he wanted to live there instead!  In less than a month, he ended up in the hospital.  It was rough after that, and two months later, he was back in the hospital.  His team of doctors and therapists started pushing for residential treatment.  We fought that idea as valiantly as we could, but as our ER trips became more and more frequent and the struggle to find open hospital beds became the new reality, we were forced into having to make the hardest decision of our lives and put him in residential treatment in the Fall.

We love our son dearly.  It kills us to be separated, yet after the severity of last year, we are still in many ways still today trying to regroup, catch our breath, and pick up the pieces of our lives.  We are working through emotional and psychological damage dealing with his behaviors caused in all of us, particularly David who spent countless hours last year locked in our bedroom (his safe room) during the multiple violent meltdowns of his brother.

The most difficult reality for me was having to come to terms with the fact that I have no control of the outcome of his life.  He was making countless wrong choices despite all of the therapies, Bible instruction, and parenting we have given him.  I was at a loss for changing his course in life because he didn't want to listen to me.  It was his way or the highway.  No consequences could break through his inner resolve. 

It was at that frightening intersection that God had to show me that I've never really had control.  Josh has belonged to God before I even knew he was growing in my womb.  I can do all that God has called me to do in Josh's life, but at the end of the day, God's the one calling the shots and orchestrating the path of Josh's life.  I can't set him up to succeed or prevent him from failure.  I can't protect him from sorrow and difficulty or pave the way for blessings.  Only God can work all things in Josh's life for his good and God's glory.  I had to come to terms with truly letting go and letting God have my son.  It's almost a daily battle to not turn back and try to regain control, but I am learning to trust God more.  I have no idea what God has in store for my son, but I can continue to pray for him asking God to bring him back to the faith we raised him on, asking Him to deliver Josh from the sinful desires of his heart, and plead for victory in Christ in his life.

Throughout our years of Autism, I have often wondered how unbelievers can walk this journey without knowing God.  I would be an absolute mess and may not be alive today if I didn't have a relationship with God.  After this year of learning to trust God to have my son, I don't see how it's even possible to journey this path without God.  Because of God, I have hope.  Josh's future is in His hands, and that's enough.  Nothing will happen outside of God's sovereign plan.  That's enough.

Fall 2017